Don’t Panic.

I support zero tolerance. But I draw the line at negative integers.

She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter.

To work hard, to live hard, to die hard, and then go to hell after all would be too damn hard.

If you don’t fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working

Where have all the Fembots gone?

Madonna’s- Justify My Love, follows us into the lounge, where several men, seated at the tables, eye us like hungry lions as we walk through. Tiger asked, “So, this is a WHOREhouse?””Actually, a gay BATHhouse....

Growing up I was so poor I wore coffee cups as shoes. The good part was my feet never fell asleep.

It’s a moot point whether your ass needs kicking, if kicking needs your ass.

Where’s the fun in playing with knives if you can’t draw a little blood?

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I’m in the wrong building.

Yo no creo en brujas, pero que las hay, las hay.

Positiveness is not a god gift. Things are negative when you realize that frog inside you is not able to jump high.

My two legs are like one pretzel when I sit on the floor. If only love were so intertwined.

Exactly!” said Deep Thought. “So once you do know what the question actually is, you’ll know what the answer means.

Saw a headline: ‘World’s Ugliest Dog Dead.’ Not believing it for one minute.

Great. There goes our security deposit.”~ Sean

I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well; but please . . . no comments on my author face!

Advice is bullshit. It’s just one asshole’s opinion.

The good part about having a mental disorder is having a valid reason for all the stupid things we do because of a damaged prefrontal cortex. However, the best part is seeing someone completely sane...

I got some body work done. Both to my car, and to my clone. Now my car looks like a complete stranger, and I look like a Mercedes.

A shadow is midnight’s whisper, I thought as I shouted at my invisible clone. Killing your own clone is the only time you could commit murder and suicide at the same time by killing just...

I must confess that most modern mysticism seems to me to be simply a method of imparting useless knowledge in a form that no one can understand

When I find the wind to say I love you, it will be breezy, like a hurricane.

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I’ve got a great word and it’s on a “Double word score” box! Hobbes: “ZQFMGB” isn’t a word! It doesn’t even have a vowel! Calvin: It is...

I don’t need anything to get high. I’m high on life.

The pen is mightier than the sword unless it’s a real sword in which case the guy with the pen should run away fast.

A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rules determine whom the brick favors.

Ford Prefect suppressed a little giggle of evil satisfaction, realized that he had no reason to suppress it, and laughed out loud, a wicked laugh.

For the first time I realized I could be more than a crawling little pile of bones and flesh in a onesie.

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I chickened out, like a beef taco. The crunchy kind, not the soft shell.

Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren’t you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff!Calvin:All I’ve got to say is they’re not making me...

I totally carpe-d the snot out of this diem!

We are what no one wants to miss at the party. I act delighted, but I have zero interest in these Capitol people. They are only distractions from the food.

A blanket could be hooked to ropes and attached to the body of a swimmer in training, to provide resistance and increase strength and endurance. Those very same ropes could be used to tie me...

I use one word to ward off love: No. She used no words to ward of love. Seriously, she tells me nothing, and in this way she tells me she doesn’t love me.

Secret 18033-3. If the key to her heart is 128 bits or greater, you’re probably wasting your time.

From across the bar, I saw her see me seeing her see me, and I knew that she knew, and with all this knowledge and vision I figured it must be love. But I could...

I hate working with sexy women.” Dimitri Pissec.

I’m a kindhearted but highly competitive pragmatist. When I seek to win something, I always make certain it’s never at the expense of anything more serious than the inadequate efforts of others.

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT...

It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky.

I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.

I never read the whole Zen koan – I just skip to the end to find out if the monk attained enlightenment.

His loyalty has the consistency of a booger—sticky for a while, but easily flicked off. I’d probably love Prague in the spring.

Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I’m miserable now.

Politics is a foggy mire full of snakes.

I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it.

They hammered on the outer gate and called, but there was at first no answer; and then to their surprise someone blew a horn, and the lights in the windows went out. A voice shouted...