They never let you live it down. One little mistake!”- Nero

Cliff said he’d jump off a cliff, and I called it a bluff. I didn’t think he was bluffing, but I did think he should have accurately called it a bluff and not a cliff....

Toad must have been very accustomed to traveling this way, balanced on the back rails of a rushing buggy, but Melena was not. She gripped the sides and white-knuckled the rails with her knapsack sandwiched...

Bags!

Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don’t have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway...

I know my kids are safe, because they’re still in my testicles. Can I fix you an omelet? I make them by hand?

The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.

If secrecy is the beginning of tyranny, declassification is its apotheosis.

After that came her biggie: a triple murder–her dealer, the dealer’s sister, and the dealer’s sister’s boyfriend.Reading that made me feel a little funny that we’d fucked and I’d loved her.

I’m some sort of guinea pig in a home economics crash course for werewolves.

If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.

Youth, I didn’t want that illness. Luckily I recovered just in time for middle age. Now I can focus on more important things, like love, a relationship, and my upcoming existential crisis.

Here’s something for you to hang your dreams on, pal.

If you had a tattoo that said ‘Top Secret,’ where on your body would it be?

The naked truth is the naked truth isn’t naked—it’s wearing see-thru clothing. My duty as a nudist is to let people see I’m transparent.

Treat me like a king and I’ll treat you like a queen……….Treat me like a queen and off with your head

When you get crapped on, grow a garden.

Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they’re honest about everything.

Some people are born to be bronze medalists. And sometimes the only reason they get third place is because there aren’t more competitors in the race to place ahead of them.

Jesus!” Luke exclaimed.”Actually, it’s just me,” said Simon. “Although I’ve been told the resemblance is startling.

If you KNOW that you’re FUCKED Then you’re NOT If you think that you’re NOT THEN YOU ARE!Isn’t that lovely? Iambic pentangle?

A crazy old lady, leading a band of teenagers against an angry supernatural Entity – who’da thought?

… human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever’s freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.

What doesn’t KILL me makes me stronger… Except for the extinction of COFFEE… that might kill me.

I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.

I always have my reasons, even when I don’t know what they are.

I don’t want tea,” said Clary, with muffled force. “I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them.””Unfortunately,”...

Secret 9.6. When writing a contact report, the term ‘intense vocalization’ should be used in place of words like ‘moan,’ ‘pant’ and ‘sigh.

Wonder why we can do this,’ he called out with his mind. The mental effort of speaking to her was already straining—he felt a headache forming like a bulge in his brain. ‘Maybe we were...

It’s not that I’m ahead of my time, it’s more that the world is running late.

When you are standing in the middle of a storm you have two choices: Pray to God that it goes away. Or, start praying to God that he gives you the wisdom to figure out...

This city needs a stadium. Where am I supposed to masturbate?

People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.

Look on the bright side,” said Simon, “If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I’m not sure the rest of you qualify anyway.

There was a naked jock on my bed and a thing with tentacles coming out of my toilet. One of these things did not belong, and if you tell me that it was the naked...

Do not pollute my perfectly acceptable figurative speech with irrelevant facts!

I was alive back then. And all the Lore heard about the ruthless warlord brothers from Estonia. The general, the scholar, the enigma, and . . . the manwhore.

Hypocrisy/hi pakrise/ noun1. The moment you tell someone it is not important to be right, in order to look right to everyone else.

I farted five fingers of happy. It was a hot hello.

Life should be lined with love. A stomach should also be lined. So should football fields.

I really believe, or want to believe, really I am nuts, otherwise I’ll never be sane.

Fragen über Fragen, und keine Antworten weit und breit. Ja, ja, das Leben ist hart. Ananas macht es weicher.

My heart is spinning. Love is a tornado. Will you be my Kansas?

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: “Marshawn Lynch” Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can’t be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a...

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

I can’t marry a bisexual woman, because she might be having an affair with the same person I’m having an affair with. And it’s not affair to share.

What?” Jace was still staring at her as if she’d told him she’d found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway.

If the CIA isn’t a force for truth, what is it good for? (Truth, I mean, not the CIA.)

When I’m sad, I think about happier times. Times like 3:33, 12:34, and 3:21. This last one usually spurs me into action and helps stop me from just stopping.