It’s dark at night, yet people still drive. So I don’t see why people get so upset that I drive blindfolded during the day.

passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.

I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.

Now Leroux, what think youOf this twist to the story?

Dignity is overrated. You know what trumps dignity? Kissing.

I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn’t stop sending me these notification emails…how many times do I have to turn them off?

Here’s the thing – in this damned century, you’ll meet a lot of people who do a lot of things. What’s funny is the fact that the most desirable attributes of these people are nothing...

Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called.

She has so much junk in her trunk. Boy, I wish she’d just drop it all off at Goodwill.

a politician is an arse uponwhich everyone has sat except a man

I had no desire to hear another woman tell my boyfriend how hot he was. If I wanted him to know, I’d damn well tell him myself.

It may be appropriate to quote a statement of Poincare, who said (partly in jest no doubt) that there must be something mysterious about the normal law since mathematicians think it is a law of...

(Media question to Beatles during first U.S. tour 1964)”How do you find America?””Turn left at Greenland.

We get a lot of calls where the person is murdered at home, but is not found for a period of time. And so the animals have already started to take the body apart because...

How did my semen get on his anus? Simple—the lipstick. But that’s politics, no?

Let me say right here, if I haven’t made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so...

Democracy is like a tamborine – not everyone can be trusted with it.

It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly...

I’m not bossy – I just happen to be more capable than most everyone else.

It’s not fun to pet cats when you’ve already poured gravy on them, and you’re holding silverware.

I had a fistful of huhs, and a Ziploc bag full of questions—and a sandwich. But I didn’t bring them, because my lunchbox was full of love.

That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information.””Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?

I really don’t see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe....

The woman is the home. That’s where she used to be, and that’s where she still is. You might ask me, What if a man tries to be part of the home — will the...

Trust me,’ he says with a touch of impatience.‘Stop asking me to do that,’ I say, equally as impatiently.

I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.

I’ve got a lot of love to give. Did I say give? I meant to say sell.

Eragon looked back at him, confused. “I don’t understand.””Of course you don’t,” said Brom impatiently. “That’s why I’m teaching you and not the other way around.

The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

When I lose control, I lose my cool and I pass the point of no RTN.

Just because I’m no jaw clacker doesn’t mean there should be a ruction put up whenever I have sommat to say.

He’s like my best friend. And I say that only because I have no real friends, and Cap’n is a great listener (he never interrupts when I’m talking—and I’m always the one doing all the...

I put the lover in clover. Especially if there are four leaves.

Lord Peter Wimsey: Facts, Bunter, must have facts. When I was a small boy, I always hated facts. Thought they were nasty, hard things, all nobs. Mervyn Bunter: Yes, my lord. My old mother always...

His Majesty, may he live forever and prosper greatly…His Majesty, may sun finches warble sweet melodies in his ear…His Majesty, may orchids bloom in the wake of his passing…His Majesty, may minstrels compose epics at...

Die Kirche muss erkennen, dass sich die Erde weiter dreht. Nachdem wir es immerhin geschafft haben, zu akzeptieren, dass sie sich überhaupt dreht

I’ll pretty much try any cheese, but I have found that I prefer young goats and old cows. I don’t like gray areas.

What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?” he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control.”For one thing, Djetth, he wasn’t trying to kill me!”(“Marsh”, heroine of Insufficient...

You know cats, always scratching on this or that, but never scratching what you want when you want it. (Like my balls, when they’re itchy!) I recently got him declawed, which sucked for him, but...

The best part about being a waiter is all that waiting. Use that time wisely. Try making it as an actor.

I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I’m under the table,after four I’m under my host.

Life is like an atom bomb… It’s a blast… but it can be a bummer too!

As eternal beings, we shouldn’t let our time spent trapped in the temporal prisons we call our bodies distract us from the fact that love is forever. Love now and love later, because the two...

I recommend you don’t attend the wheat and chaff bonfire.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.

We’re like America’s little pit bull. They beat it, starve it, mistreat it, and once in a while they let it out to attack somebody.

Hush Hattie!” I said, intoxicated with my success. “I don’t want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan’t marry the prince.” I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and...

One knows so well the popular idea of health: the English country gentleman galloping after a fox – the unspeakable in full pursuit of the unbeatable.

There is nothing to be gained by multiplying social distinctions indefinitely.

People who live in brick houses shouldn’t throw wrecking balls