After losing my job, I felt the only options available to me were razors, cyanide, or a shot to the face, until Renaldo, being the good friend that he is, reminded me how to tie...

Bosses are like assholes—everybody’s got one. Well, everyone except the unemployed. But still, bosses are like assholes, in that they are assholes.

If you’re looking for someone to stand in the unemployment line, I’m the man for the job. And if you’re looking for a man who will make love to you all night long, then I’m...

My zip code is my salary. Too bad I live in 32256 and not 90210. Also, I lied—but only because the zip code 00000 does not exist.

The cool thing about unemployment is every day is Saturday.

The escalator doesn’t work, and you’d think they’d still be used as stairs, but in this economic depression, even the stairs are unemployed.

You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finaly weed out al the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile people in this workforce.

In books, coaching sessions, and networking events aimed at the white-collar unemployed, the seeker soon encounters ideologies that are explicitly hostile to any larger, social understanding of his or her situation. The most blatant of...

Let these men sing out their songs,they’ve been walking all day long,all their fortune’s spent and gone…silver dollar in the subway station;quarters for the papers for the jobs.

When you took a man’s job away from him, his ability to feed and clothe his family, that man was going to get angry.

I’m sorry to hear you’re jobless.” I need to network with people who encounter letters on a daily basis in math equations, not romantic poetry.

Some people collect cars. I collect unemployment. Once my collection gets large enough, I’m going to start a country like the United States.