If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won’t. It is better and more becoming to intimate that you will do as she bids you, and then...

Tick tock, tick tock.-Wiress

Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel it».

You’ve got to stop and ask yourself once in a while…why some asinine politicians would quicker cut out social security than the space program…Go figure.

I read somewhere they only have to go once a week.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering.It is built on the fragmented remains of an eventually ruined planet which is (wioll...

Ingmar riuscì ad intrecciarsi a tal punto col filo del telefono che per liberarsi strappó il cavo e tutto l’apparecchio dalla parete.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Do all narcotics officers lack basic humancompassion, or were you just not hugged enough as a child?”Trust Me

A question that always makes me hazy is it me or are the others crazy’Albert Einstein

Cabal. Cabal. Cabal. I summon you to me. Now.”Simi and Kody exchanged a look that said he was as crazy as he suddenly felt when nothing happened.Great, Dad. I can look stupid on my own....

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired?

She never called her son by any name but John; ‘love’ and ‘dear’, and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny.

When you’re out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that’s no chocolate on the pillow

Yo Mama’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Well blow me down with a solar flare.

I think I’m supposed to “take a sad song and make it better,” but that’s beyond my musical ability

Mr. Taylor has this habit of emphasizing his point by using three adjectives or verbs in a row. ‘Class, you must know,’ Simon begins [imitating] in a droning voice, flinging her arms around at every...

I’m Magnus Bane.” he went on in a soothing tone, stretching out his ringed hands. Blue sparks had begun to dance between them like bioluminescence dancing water. “I’m the warlock who’s here to cure you....

Darling Daddy,This is Rose.Saffy says everyone says it is Indigo’s fault that their Head has two black eyes and a swelled-up nose.Love from Rose.P.S. Sarah who is here says to tell you love from wheelchair...

Be thankful you’re alive, have as much sex as possible. Because you will be a full on boner soon.

Ava, will you watch your fucking mouth?’ he sighs, but there’s relief in his voice. I’m half tempted to tell him to fetch the anti-bacterial solution and spray it in my mouth.

Never put off till tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrow just as well

Oh, sod off, I’m calling the Police.” Another series of banging on the door. “Open up, Police.” That was quick.

If You’re Gonna Ride My Ass, At Least Pull My Hair!

People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.

One fall day in Boston, a tall mechanical engineering student named Joe entered the student union at Harvard University. He was all ambition and acne

It is the end of the world. Surely you could be allowed a few carnal thoughts.

I have only touched one other computer at my friend Marissa’s house, and found the experience disconcerting. There was something sinister about the green letters and numbers that flashed on the screen as the computer...

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

I’m so good” I taunt him as i ease back bouncing on my calves like he does, and playfully sticking out my tongue. He totally misses that for hes watching my breast bounce. “real good”...

Miguel: Merle? What kind of hick name is that? I wouldn’t name my dog Merle.

This isn’t a trunk monkey, is it.” Nick”No. It’s not. It’s a memento from your enemies.” Caleb”Yeah, well, at least it makes my heart surgery scar look cooler.” Nick

I’ve purged myself of worldly goods; half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping.

Life is an absolute Dream… then I wake up.

Hasn’t stopped us before. And besides, if they wanted to kill us, we’d be dead by now and would be having an entirely different conversation. I wonder if I’d still be mad at you, or...

Yo Mama’s so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams.

Narcissus is a loser! He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. He’s so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it’s got a picture of Narcissus—only the picture’s so ugly, no one ever...

That’s the understatement of the year.

I guess it’s worth a shot.” More than likely a wasted bullet, but I’ll fire anyway.

Darling Daddy,Poor Saffy. She had a big fight in the boys toilets on Monday, did you know? A very big fight and Sarah helped and it was terrifying. Said a boy in my class who...

Who is your favorite character in the series? Or…if that’s too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy?Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I’m the handsome, charming one....

Lying on the ceiling. Refusing to go to school. Not opening up to me. Climbing water towers. “No, she’s all right.

I do know you’re nothing like him. But you’re still….still a lot. A lot to handle. I don’t mean your junk, obviously, as we’ve not gotten to the fondling-bits stage yet. And I can’t believe...

For that, Mr. Malphas, you can join Mr. Gautier in after-school detention.”Caleb let out an irritated sigh. –More quality time with my hemorrhoid. Just what I wanted for Christmas. Yippee ki-yay.–

Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I’d know me anywhere.

She grabbed all her clothes from her wardrobe and flung them across the room, screaming her head off until she finally felt sane again. Perhaps tomorrow she would buy those cats. (Holly)

I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops.

I grabbed a shovel and dug, and dug, and dug.Sorry not a very poetic thought, but very deep.