And what the hell does that even mean? Why would you serve food for thoughgs, and what kind of food? If you serve spinach, do you get healthy thoughts? If it’s ice cream and candy,...

Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says “Oh, no! She’s up.

so this crow comes and it starts quacking at us.

I was shameless in my supermarket-shelf mass-market taste. I loved King, Evanovich, Grisham and Brown. I won’t lie; the oficial-looking filing cabinet in the corner is actually stuffed full of my paperbacks.

If you’re heading downtown from Centeral Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster but way more dangerous

Ish #19 “If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

I didn’t know where this stuff was coming from – all of a sudden I was a little magickal sprite, bonding with my stone, feeling my earth roots, la la la…All I can is describe...

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

He’s close enough now that I can hear his footfall on the pavement, and I knowmy chances of outrunning him are slim. I’m practically in a full sprint, and my pounding heart is begging me...

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

He was the firstborn Bridgerton of a firstborn Bridgerton of a firstborn Bridgerton eight times over. He had a dynastic responsibility to be fruitful and multiply.

Tell Savitar I said hi.

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world?

Do you remember what I forgot?

Come Hell or High Water” usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Never make eye contact with a stranger when you’re having a churro.

I get the feeling humanity would be thrilled to discover life on another planet. So why not rediscover it here and really cherish it.

I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.

I Don’t care which president is sucking your dick at the moment, I will not be a party to the killing of innocent men!

The house had a name. The Banana House. It was carved onto a piece of sandstone above the front door. It made no sense to anyone.

Okay, Boomer, you’re right. I liked ‘Ooh… a girl!’ much more than that. Let’s stick with ‘Ooh… a girl!

I decided the reason why Luccas rushed off was he was allergic to the food that they had brought out. Not paying compliments to the decorations, I poked at the squid with a fork making...

Oh, hey a party! Cool! What’s the occa— HEY, WHAT THE HELL, KID?

Even the Thanksgiving when her parents had just divorced, Hoosier Pie made the cut. …They also, incidentally, made a pumpkin pie, but it fell on the floor, a classic example of survival of the fittest

F*ck a duck and sh*t on a goldfish cracker!

World domination is just my side gig.

I should have known the power-hungry slave drivers at River’s Edge would see my five days of freedom only as a challenge to be filled.

Is that a rule? Do you have a rule that you can’t kiss people in the morning?

He’d have to turn on his high-voltage charm with these people. Should work. They were only used to 12V battery power after all-he’d dazzle them.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it’s to ask if everything is ok.

Alice smiled her wide smile. The crooked incisor smile.

Martin was dafter than a syphilitic polecat – where do I get these metaphors from?

Babe, I don’t know you and my no zone has a very short guest list. Consider my belt the velvet rope no one crosses without an express invitation.

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.

That which must not, can not be.

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone’s been on a 747.

I didn’t know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her.

So if you are what you eat and you are as young as you feel, then I am a pizza, right out of the oven.

There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic.

You’re (I’m) not weird, you’re (I’m) just not preticularily normal.

Darling Daddy,This is Rose.So flames went all up the kitchen wall. Saffron called the fire brigade and the police came too to see if it was a trick and the police woman said to Saffron...

It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex,” I said. “And this was the spawn.” “My eyes!” Boomer cried. “My eyes! I can’t stop seeing it now that you’ve said it!

I wish kids at school would quit calling me a porno dork-face, though. There wasn’t any sex involved! I got knocked out, I panicked and called the cops. Okay, somewhere along the line everybody’s clothes...

Right now, I couldn’t have cared less if someone had waltzed across the room in a large flower costume with a sign saying GET YOUR BLACK TULIPS HERE. Every nerve in my body was on...

COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up!

Do ever respond to a question without asking another question?Does it bother you?No. But it does confirm my hypothesis.What hypothesis?He let out a heavy sigh, and with it, all the residual warmth from our flirty...

i like pie

I didn’t actually know what regret tasted like—but I imagined if it did have a flavor, it would be lutefisk.