There’s nothing I wouldn’t do on your behalf, if I could just get my hands on it

Okay, now I know your yanking my chain. Pigs will fly before Blake would ask for our help.” Rhoan”Better start ducking those flying piggies then, bro, because I’m totally serious.” Riley

Black graffiti on a black helicopter.

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.

Any game plan? (Xypher)Don’t die. (Sin)I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me. (Xypher)

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

A huge meringue with polio who drives everywhere in a beautifully restored Hillman Imp.

Don Pedro – (…)’In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.’Benedick – The savage bull may, but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull’s horns and set them in my...

Our family was nearly torn apart on several occasions by arguments started when the refrigerator door was open for what my father deemed as ‘too long.

No,’ the professor replied. ‘Her Majesty s alive and well – at least I assume so if she hasn’t met a certain van driver from Yeovil.’ ~Professor Hamilton

The only way to get the ending you want is to write your own story.

Smile, it’s the second best thing youcan do with your lips.

Oh, I forgot to tell you the rest of it—he’s a widower now, so they can ride off together into the sunset, their wedding rings glinting.

Heads swivel. Whispers erupt. As Kalist returns to his desk, bone cane by his side, he indulges, briefly, in horse practice, neighing lightly as he scrolls through a few mental images of busty secretary, Geiger,...

Obelmäker is eating at his desk, a habit both Baumauer and Pissec find repulsive.

I sat down on the sofa, surrounded by years of coffee rings and sandwich stains. If the police ever did a DNA test on this sofa, it would be ninety per cent disappointment.

I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.

A história de todas as grandes civilizações galácticas tende a passar por três fases distintas e identificáveis: a da Sobrevivência, a da Interrogação e a da Sofisticação, também conhecidas pelas fases Como, Porquê e Onde....

I wasn’t necessarily looking to do comedy on TV, but I don’t think it’s an accident that I ended up on ‘Community.’

Credit Acts into Action.” – The Credit Repair Book: The Credit Repair Company’s Secret Weapon.

This is what my high school life had become—a horror show of epic, mind-fuck proportions.

Every time you tell a lie an angel punches a unicorn in the face with a kitten.

The elements are a way to define what abstract is; and abstract is a taught as like any other than ,what to think? and how to think? and you may begin..

It’s not great when your husband thinks the only guy who can talk to you, is some other guy.

It’s a comedy. It’s a guy falling off a stool, and everybody thinks a guy falling off a stool is funny.

Fat One” no matter how great he was, and even though they didn’t know at theirage that Lance Bass was gay outright, they sensed he’d make a better good friend and confidante. As for Justin...

Really? Why don’t you call your local comedy club and ask for the Saturday night lineup? I guarantee you the male to female ratio is going to be about nine to one. You dick-wad.

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.

Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?”Oh, rather!”What do you do about it?”I generally take a couple of cocktails.

You scream like a leettle girl.

Thing is, I am not a big fan of hovers. I firmly believe that if man was meant to fly we’d have feathers, rubber bones, or better insurance coverage.

Successfully resisted a honeypot approach by Russian intelligence. One lingering concern: how did the Russians find out I like honey?

Before we left home, my hair had already started to fall apart. I decided to pull it into a bun high on my head and attach one of those fake hair things that look like...

I don’t subscribe to conspiracy theories unless they include the swimsuit issue for free.

Is the line between the essential and the peripheral essential or peripheral?

Vulcan Dis of the Week: Perhaps, t’hy’la, you should perform a mind meld on yourself, in order to determine what the bogozh you’re thinking.

Director’s cut? Let’s hope it’s a major artery.

While my radar gently beeps.

A stone trips you. A daisy reaches up and pulls you down.

Hi Maggie, it’s nice to see you again,’ he said, smiling so sweetly I thought I might need insulin.

My very first job was at McDonalds. In that job I learned an important principle: When something goes wrong at work, blame the guy who gets killed.

Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not sue a cheese-maker? Sue him for all the cheese he’s got, drive him out of the...

You will be so dead, dear Sister. Make telpon dari tadi kayak Kroasia ada di sebelah Jakarta aja. Huahahaha

Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate?

I think most of my tastes were British, as far as comedy went, when I was growing up.

A lot of people do comedy about India, but they’re not from India. It’s a Kwik-E-Mart perspective. I want to provide a genuine view and maybe one on how we see the West.

Now, this is where I draw the line! It’s bad enough everybody in town’s going to be thinkin’ I’m sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be...

I like to see love stories: romantic comedy or romantic drama.

Dating someone exclusively for four months in New York is like four years in Anchorage.