If the government really wanted to stimulate the economy, it should distribute Viagra and coffee.

I am Ebenezer Snooze, and I am frugal with my sleep. I buy warm coffee cold, so I can get a discount.

I had a dream about you. You brought me coffee. I brought you misery. It was Starbucks’ coffee, so I thought it was a fair trade.

If I were deaf, I’d wear loud clothing. My clothes would also be covered in coffee stains, because Helen Keller is my hero.

One cup contains Starbucks coffee, and one holds diarrhea. But which is which? Drink it, and the one that doesn’t make you vomit is the diarrhea.

I eat east and west, and I eat them at the same time. But I drink my coffee north to south.

I always wear an oven mitt when I go in for a handshake, because I like to give visual hints about what kind of lover I’d make. I don’t use a cup to drink coffee—I...

My hope is you can go into Starbucks, buy your paper and coffee, and go through the security line with one card.

Her clothes were half off—a sale, not a strip tease. Watching her shop was as hot as a fresh cup of coffee, and that’s why I had a wad of dollar bills.

I shall mention in passing just one example of a gift from the Arabs that I for one am rather grateful for: coffee — especially as it was originally banned in Europe as a ‘Muslim...

Uh, puedo hablar con Andrew Nelson, por favor?” I asked, feeling like an idiot.”Quien?” “El americano,” I explained. “Muy grande americano.” In trying to describe my father, I sounded like I was ordering coffee. But...

Once Mo had closed the gates, he returned to his little stone hut, and his half-eaten sandwich of butter and canned sardines, and his mug of thick hot chocolate, which every night he poured carefully...

COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up!

Black coffee is the latest fad I have picked up. Then there are my endless cups of chai! I’m trying to cut down and keep it to no more than three cups a day.

I’m such an antsy type of person. I can’t write in a room without other people around. I write in coffee shops.

Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can’t see a damn thing before having coffee.

I don’t really like coffee, she said, but I don’t really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either.

It’s easier to drink my hot coffee when I’m lying in it, naked, in my bathtub. There’s room enough for two, if you’re thirsty for my loving.

Coffee and chocolate—the inventor of mocha should be sainted.

My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.

I drink hot coffee in the summer, and iced coffee in the winter. I’m a contrarian, and contrary to popular belief I’m not a sellout. I rent.

Our relationship is getting serious. I now know she likes Karaoke. Next she’ll tell me she loves coffee. And then she’ll say she loves me—but not as much as she loves coffee.

Her hair was the color of coffee without cream, and she fell in love with me when I poured sugar on her. Probably.

Love is something to be treated with awe. Or should it be aww? People don’t know my capacity for love. If you tried to bottle it up, I’m sure it would take at least three...

The smell of coffee was enough to wake up my neighbors. In a display of gratitude, they complained about my music being too loud.

I want a coffee machine that runs on gasoline and drives me to work. We can make love in the backseat, next to the cream and sugar.

I lived with a coffee farmer called Dukale on a trip I made with World Vision to Ethiopia, and realised there’s no good reason for the disparity in opportunity around the world.

People assume because I’m a coffee expert I drink lots of coffee. I can’t. It takes me half an hour to brew my perfect cup. Do the math. I simply don’t have time to drink...

Literature is capable of being a subject that people want to catch up on or discuss, whether at a coffee shop or a watercooler. It can become an intrinsic part of their dialogue.

Coffee, my delight of the morning; yoga, my delight of the noon. Then before nightfall, I run along the pleasant paths of the Jardin du Luxembourg. For when air cycles through the lungs, and the...

Drink your coffee, it clears out the brain in the morning

Machismo requires Latin blood. I’d say I never experienced machismo up close until I worked in a French office; the typical Wall Street gunner has the soul of a coffee filter in comparison.

Insomniacs should not be forced to exist in a realm with reflective glass. From the first look I’m boxed in a prism, rainbows charming the other dark-circled self into sharing my prison. One eye turns...

Always choose the adventure … unless, it’s chilly outside and there’s a cup of warm coffee resting near a book and comfy sofa.

To me, every kitchen appliance is useful and nothing’s overrated. When I look at my little espresso machine, I don’t see coffee. I see a steaming valve as an opportunity to make amazing creme brulee.

It’s funny to me that people find other people getting coffee really interesting, or walking their dog in the dog park.

People think coffee can be drunk with or without cream and sugar, but coffee can be drunk more ways than that. Coffee can be drunk awake or asleep, and coffee can be drunk by the...

I wear the universe backwards. I imagine putting stars in my coffee, and sugar in the sky. I imagine going fishing in clouds, and watching the sun hide behind lakes. I’m too busy dancing with...

A gun that shoots out rainclouds is a delayed water gun. I need to just pull the trigger and tell her I love her, but I’ll wait until her umbrella is open and her bathtub...

I drink coffee with a spoon. It’s like soup, only less sleepy.

I soak my white socks in coffee, so I can wear them with brown pants and keep my feet from falling asleep.

The swimming pool was drained of water. That’s why I went fishing in it. Go ahead, ask me what I did in your empty coffee cup.

It was dark in the alley, and I was afraid I’d get mugged. Coffee also fears it’ll get mugged.

When I heard footsteps and saw nobody, I knew I was seeing a ghost. Seeing the invisible is like dreaming about drinking coffee to wake up, and that’s why I’ve never made love in the...

Alice goes into the kitchen and returns with a cup of coffee for me, which she announces is free-range and fair-trade and shade-farmed in Malawi, and I nod along as if my coffee needs go...

We are extremely excited and optimistic about our venture with the Coffee Beanery and are exploring additional product ventures and business growth opportunities as we continue to work to increase revenue and profits.

A companion on a caffeine high will wake me up just as well, without the aftertaste.

Beer is my coffee.

It’s a five pots of liquid sleep kind of morning.

I don’t drink coffee.