Sally laughed. “When you first told me you were interested in Decebel, I honestly thought that there was no way you two would ever work. But man, you are both such freaks, I honestly don’t...

Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.

Girls say to me, very reasonably, ‘why isn’t it a bunch of girls? Why did you write this about a bunch of boys?’ Well, my reply is I was once a little boy – I...

I was playing Rasputin and what was motivating him was crumpet really, and I was extremely keen on crumpet so I was really rather good as Rasputin. And my next catastrophic failure was Macbeth, who...

He is incredibly handsome. You never realized before how beautiful evil could be.

You really are young, aren’t you, Blondie? You know how the game is played—people’ll say anything in the heat of the moment.

Sex with Panda was like being in a porno movie but without a third party involved.

Twice I’d come home as they were finishing, and, honestly, I cannot think of a lonelier sound on a Saturday night than one’s roommate having a giant orgasm and then making an embarrassed sssh sound,...

I’ve always liked a woman that understood the value of getting out of my bed just as quick as she’d jumped in it.

You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act—that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you came to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply...

And now you’re off to Port Caynn. Watch them sailor lads. They’ll have your skirts up and a babe in your belly afore you know what you’re about.””Everyone keep warning me about sailors,” I complained....

You’re never too old to laugh at stories about love and sex.

Were archaeologists really such a sex-starved lot as all that? Did pigs really sweat?

Shug say, What, too shamefaced to put singing and dancing and fucking together? She laugh. That’s the reason they call what us sing the devil’s music. Devils love to fuck.

Experimenting with touch, he found he barely had to ripple a light fingertip over his sleeping lover, and Tristan would move, twisting until he was melted into Michael’s embrace. Stroking Tristan’s cheek got Michael a...

I really get inspired by songs. Like, if I hear a thug ‘Want to kill ya’ song, I’m ready to go out and get crazy. Or if you hear this really sexual, sensual slow song,...

Sex should be about mutual enjoyment, connection, the borrowing from another’s fire at a moment when you want it most.

Okay. We’ve got about twenty minutes before I get mean again.’ She laughed, relieved the night was still young, ‘What are you, some kind of sex-werewolf?

He dropped the joint in the dirt and ran inside. It wasn’t his first, and wouldn’t be his last. The joint, that is. Not the kid. He was pretty sure, at this point, that he...

After being alive, the next hardest work is having sex.

You call this a relationship? [Maria] Well, it’s tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I’ve heard, yes. [Samantha]

Pain today, pussy tomorrow.

Uno no sabe lo que es la vida hasta que desnuda por primera vez a una mujer. Botón a botón, como si pelase usted un boniato bien calentito en una noche de invierno.

It goes back to keeping things equal. Friendship feels really demeaning if one person still likes the other more, which is probably what caused the breakup in the first place. It’s such a misnomer that...

There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.

Okay baby, let’s take this rocket to Uranus. This hoor is perfect, and she can act as well.

You know, when I see a good-looking man, the first thing I think about is sex. I want to see him naked, and I imagine running my hands impatiently over his hot body.I can’t help...

Man knows himself as body, and what he knows of spirit comes through grace. The poet would call it inspiration. But the spirit bloweth where it listeth. Man has no control over his inspiration. If...

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

To see and feel one’s beloved naked for the first time is one of life’s pure, irreducible epiphanies. If there is a true religion in the universe, it must include that truth of contact or...

Good sex is the basis of any truly civilized society.

Can you still want something you already have? Absolutely. Everyday.

Du wirst mir ganz fremd, wenn du mit mir schläfst”, habe ich ihm gesagt, und dass das Bett die einzige Bühne sei, auf der er wirklich Theater spiele, auf der er nicht mehr einfach Is...

When you get to mixing sex and religion, it will make anybody crazy.

(In actuality there are no such things as “male” or “female” hormones. Hormones have no sex of their own, and all types of sex hormones are present in all human beings in varying amounts.)

She wondered if she had grown obsessed with sex. She admitted to thinking about it almost all the time. … “And if I’m not thinking about sex, I’m thinking about death,” she added bitterly. “Sometimes...

I have a protective coating, like a tank. It’s called Love. And when I get you naked, I’ll want to make war to you.

Each instinct and passion of man is amoral; it is only the abuse of these passions that makes them wrong. There is nothing wrong about hunger, but there is something wrong about gluttony; there is...

show, don’t tell.” Whatever might be happening in my books, I try to put the reader into the middle of it, rather than summarizing the action. That requires vivid sensory detail. I don’t want distance,...

This is. You are. I can’t do this any more if it’s not with you. So please fuck me straight to hell.

I’m too horny tonight to be productive. Right now the only thing I could make is love. And then I wouldn’t be productive, I’d be reproductive.

The two sisters wouldn’t sleep with me. But it’s cool, because they were nuns, and I didn’t have my clerical costume on.

I’ll make Chad to you. By that I mean I’ll leave late and come early.

I wish I listened through my urethra, because imagine how euphoric and orgasmic music would be. One love song might get you pregnant.

I had a dream about you. You made phone books for a living, and I filled up your pages by impregnating as many women as possible. You said I was a living saint, and I...

We made love like flamingoes are pink. You know what else was pink? My cheeks, because I was so embarrassed when I found out that she was the wrong woman.

We made love like two cars that were out of gas. I tried to fill her up, but couldn’t because I myself was empty.

An umbrella is a portable shelter. My penis is a portable people maker.

My love is tube shaped. Don’t let your dad stick his dick in it.

Love is merely a combination between infatuation and confusion.