I hope you nail the bastard.”So does he.

When we see a good-looking woman with a not-so-good-looking man, we assume that the man must have a good bank balance. When we see a good-looking man with a not-so-good-looking woman, we assume that she...

So many choices and temptations tonight. – Emma

It is pointless to ask: Why then is sex so secret? What is this force that so long reduced it to silence and has only recently relaxed its hold somewhat, allowing us to question it...

Strange to hear atheists say ‘god’ when having great sex.

If you want romance, fuck a journalist.

When a basic human need becomes a taboo, it is only a matter of time before it turns into a hideous industry.

But not you, O girl, nor yet his mother,stretched his eyebrows so fierce with expectation.Not for your mouth, you who hold him now,did his lips ripen into these fervent contours.Do you really think your quiet...

Our basic relationship to sex mirrors our whole relationship to life.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Why even call it a fuck? Why not be clear and call it a seminal emission in a preapproved orifice?

…although the reason for the existence of women is obvious enough, nobody has any real idea what point there is in being a man. Men have however, made many attempts to justify their existence.

He’s kissing me everywhere, squeezing me, running his fingers over places no one else has touched

Your boss takes a dim view of SEX?

Don’t be a critic. The critic is to art what the limp penis is to sex.

Yesterday, here in the middle of the City, I saw a wolf turn into a Russian ex-gymnast and hand over a business card that read YOUR OWN PERSONAL TRANSHUMAN SECURITY WHORE! STERILIZED INNARDS! ACCEPTS ALL...

Telling a woman that you will be unable to climax unless you are looking at her in a mirror is, in my experience, an excellent way to ensure the only place you will ever see...

Consuming pornography does not lead to more sex, it leads to more porn. Much like eating McDonalds everyday will accustom you to food that (although enjoyable) is essentially not food, pornography conditions the consumer to...

It’s been a while since I’ve had sex. I figured it was just like riding a bike, the only difference is that after a while, the bike doesn’t turn you over and ride you.

My essay had evolved into thinking about fucking. You could be raped a thousand times and still be a virgin. I was writing about fucking by a master and fucking as a slave, about Hegel,...

Coffee is a girl who never tells a boy no.

I sure wasn’t going to ask Aunt Sally, because if she told me once that getting your period was like a moth becoming a butterfly, she’d probably say that sexual intercourse was like a deer...

You know how most illnesses have symptoms you can recognize? Like fever, upset stomach, chills, whatever. Well, with manic depression, it’s sexual promiscuity, excessive spending, and substance abuse – and that just sounds like a...

Lovers do things together! They rent videos, they ride Ferris wheels, they go out for pizza, they play Scrabble. They . . . they talk!”Talk?’ He lifted his head and frowned, his eyes puzzled. ‘We...

Illicit sex, Marcus, drives at least half the decisions of the modern world, wouldn’t you agree?

…he glanced over his shoulder at her, regarding her, as he often did before they made love, as if she were a lost continent about to be rediscovered.

On top of everything else, Boobie’s got the clap.

You found the way, didn’t you?” What’s so wonderful about it? I thought. Dogs do.

If this were a different time, a different place, I would take you to bed with me and make love to you for days,” he said, his voice slow and deep and intent. “I would...

Vainglory, however, no matter how much medieval Christianity insisted it was a sin, is a motor of mankind, no more eradicable than sex.

Perhaps the most important sexual tool is consciousness. If we think we are “not enough” or “too much,” we surely are. Similarly, when you give a gift, create artwork, or perform any task with the...

Italians give their city sexes, and they all agree that the sex for a particular city is quite correct, but none of them can explain why. I love that. London’s middle-aged and male, respectably married...

Cuddling was for great aunts and teddy bears. Cuddling gave him cramp.

You’ve brushed your teeth,” He says, staring at me.”I used your toothbrush.”His lips quirk up in a half smile. “Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?

Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.

I heard him sweeping with the broom, and then he suddenly stopped.I had obviously got his attention, and he was looking.Take a good look, honey, I thought. Take a good look at what I’m offering.I...

Waiting for a hot pocket to cook we’d fuck and be satisfied, barefoot on new york city apartment linoleum. A satisfying hot pocket and a big ass smile and a tight ass grip and a...

Every woman is different in her own special way.

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: ‘Please stop sucking my dick or I’ll call the police.

Sex is a different medium, refracting time and sense, a biological hyperspace as remote from conscious existence as dreams, or as water is from air

I tell my christian relatives that “churchianity” is the central reason the church is not teeming with young people. The hypocrisy within the church is not concealed from this growing, informed generation. The arrogance among...

Trite though it (used to) sound, real sexuality is about our struggles to connect with one another, to erect bridges across the chasms that separate selves. Sexuality is, finally, about imagination. Thanks to brave people’s...

No boyfriend,” I said, perhaps a little too quickly. Have I mentioned my total lack of social life? Having a dream about Alex last night was the closest thing I’d had to a date in...

Talk like the Discovery Channel all you want, but a book of fossils and a tub of plaster does not an orgy make.

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s...

Ah bet she’s a dirty wee minx in the scratcher. Y’see that “butter wouldnae melt” expression she’s goat goin on? That’s jist a smokescreen – ah guarantee she goes like a train.’ Jimmy belched, considerately...

Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money. But is that possible? I should invent a vending machine that dispenses sex....

Nakedness has no color: this can come as news only to those who have never covered, or been covered by, another naked human being.

Helen Kelleresque.

I am going to think of you every time I don’t have sex. So that’ll mean I’ll always be thinking of you.