Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises.

A representative owes not just his industry but his judgement

Though I’m a congresswoman by title, a politician I’ve never been.

A burial should be more than a fire pit, arena seating, and a squirming politician strapped to a pile of wood. There should also be marshmallows.

Characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

If there are seven people present, myself included, and there is one pizza that’s cut into eight slices, then everyone should get one slice—except for me, who should get two slices, because I didn’t pay....

Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” And I’d have to agree. Serves them right for being so sleazy.

A lie is the most sacred private property on Earth. Governments claim it is not theirs, and that their critics are the rightful owners.

I have got everything which a politician needs.

I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they were looking out for my best interest. How refreshing it’d be to see...

Mandela alikuwa hodari ndiyo maana akapelekwa jela. Alikuwa mvumilivu ndiyo maana akakaa jela kwa miaka ishirini na saba. Alivyotoka akawa kiongozi bora wa Afrika Kusini. Utu ukafanya awasamehe binadamu wenzake. Urithi wa Nelson Mandela kwetu...

Buy the town, and rent the politician. Politicians are refillable, like empty cups of coffee.

Paula Milne was really the first thing that drew me to ‘The Politician’s Husband.’

I’m a politician. What I say is not holy writ.

A politician is not allowed to get too emotional in public, so what he does is drop subtle hints that, over time, cause the public to get emotional. Once the same emotions are generated by...

Instead of putting a Band Aid on your cut finger, why not just amputate at the elbow? See, I’m a problem solver. I should go into politics.

Voting is not a right. It is a method used to determine which politician was most able to brainwash you.

My friend had a few kittens she was trying to find a home for, but she was having no luck. They were super cute, so I decided to poison their water supply. A few days...

The only thing more honest than a politician is, well, EVERYTHING.

all I can grab,” only its suburban boundary can limit its growth.