Sex with a married woman ten years his senior was stress free and fulfilling, because it couldn’t lead to anything

Worry:Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.

Columpios apedofilados que se sienten solos buscan culos de niños” ~ Hazel, Bajo la misma estrella.

You’re so dehydrated I can hear you blink.

You don’t even know if she really likes you, Oberon said as we exited and I unlocked my bike. She could be doing her customer service routine and stringing you along in hopes of a...

Don’t whine to your spouse about your daily troubles. He’s had a harder day providing for you and your children. This is what you’re aspiring to?

What about the old standby of kicking a guy in the groin?” “Try to.” Love to…

Wisdom of the Ages: “Skull and Bones” A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

If we take the president of GM, they’ll make us pay to give him back.” (said by a kidnapper)

But Vivien wasn’t being given the chance to sow her wild oats. Speaking from a point of authority, it’s best to get that shit out of the way when you are young.

Fighting with tangles,fighting with curls,the poor barber yanked,the poor barber pulled,until with one last effort(and to the wonder of us all)a GINORMOUS Polar Bearlanded on the floor.

If you don’t have a headache by the end of this class, I’m not doing my job.

Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in the sunshine, he’ll just marry you.

Solomon smiles with us

Meaning ‘by way of the anus’. ‘Per Annum’, with two n’s, means ‘yearly’. The correct answer to the question, ‘What is the birthrate per anum?’ is zero (one hopes).

“He loved her…It was noble of him. It was beautiful.”-“It was stupid.

Obviously life was a mean girl, and she was its bitch.

Family, can’t live with them, can’t orbitally bombard them back to the foul, oozing proto-plasma they crawled out of, I thought grimly.

Said Opie Read to E.P. Roe,”How do you like Gaboriau?””I like him very much indeed!”Said E.P. Roe to Opie Read.

Webster said, ”Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do.

I don’t get Columbus Day… I mean he gets a holiday for getting lost. This is true… he was trying to find a spice route to India and ended up in the Caribbean…All he had...

I just tripped over a pair of shoes and almost fell down and broke my neck and no I wasn’t wearing them.

Shut up, Arthur,’ said my mother, and he zipped his mouth shut like an infuriating child.Ginger started to laugh. Not at anything in particular, but just because Ginger was stoned.

(Referring to the piano’s natural shape) Isn’t it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

Sell your book like a can of beans & your readers will place the same value on it.

This was shaping up to be the worst conference call of my life, even worse than that time I accidentally clogged the school toilet back in the first grade with my Boba Fett figure (I...

Try again. No no no, eyes up, eyes up! When you bow to someone you look at them, not at the floor. Don’t look at her in the eye though lad, that’s rude. And not...

He invited me to dinner Thursday night,” Rusty said. “I’m going to have to go to his house.””I don’t think he invited you to dinner,” Delilah said. “I think he invited you because you are...

My dog hasn’t said a word all day, he must have a lot on his mind

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though.

Don’t that make your bosom plim?

If you worry about missing the boat, remember the Titanic!

Raven: The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much...

Possession of the box conferred a kind of power on the wielder–which was that anyone, confronted with the hypnotic glass eye, would submissively obey the most peremptory orders about stance and expression.

I wanted to write in Kitchenese, the secret language of cooks, instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever dunked french fries for a summer job or suffered under the despotic rule of a tyrannical chef...

Living your life is a task so difficult it has never been attempted before.

When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours that’s relativity.

It’s easy to remember, because dating rhymes with mating, and they’re almost the same […] So your mom thinks we’re ma– Uh, dating?

Podtyagin considers whether to take offence or not — and decides to take offence.

Writing is my passion, not my job. I need to write as much as I need to breathe, if not more.

Has there ever been an Inquisitor who didn’t die a horrible death?” Simon wondered out loud. ” It’s like being the drummer in Spinal Tap.

I let out a sound that was definitely not a whimper. It was something far more manly, no matter what it sounded like.

My embarrassment was complete. If I just had passed out, that would have been bad enough. But to make matters worse, Will had carried me outside, where everyone else was; everyone in my youth group...

There was only one thing about his own appearance which really pleased Hercule Poirot, and that was the profusion of his moustaches, and the way they responded to grooming and treatment and trimming. They were...

The second law of survival states that there is no second law. Eat or be eaten. That’s it.

While like most men, Sam prided himself on being equipped with a supernatural internal compass that kept him from ever being lost, he’d also learned to concede those rare times when that compass seemed to...

I’m not lazy. I’m just really gifted, only instead of being good at music or math I’m good at sleeping late.

Walking the Camino de Santiago taught me the wonders of physical challenge, the wonders of spiritual freedom, and the wonders of baby powder.

Merlin’s pants!