If that’s the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake,” Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, “I’m all for fighting tyranny and oppression.

There were two books I remember changing my life as a introverted, bookish 14 year old. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand and The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. One was set in a...

Eternity is two people and a ham”) is an old quip from the days when a ham was huge—far more than two people could finish. Irma Rombauer mentions this line in her famous cookbook, The...

The early worm catches the fishies and all, you know.

He says in his defence he never meddled with married women, only with virgins.

Sane people did what their neighbours did, so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them.

She smelled of talcum powder and Big Red.

The destruction menial labor has done on my psyche is beyond repair.

Women; the supreme masters of the bait and switch.”D’Artagnan Bloodhawke

One thing that’s good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow

He’s truly a renaissance individual for our times, … I’ve likened him to a Will Rogers voice in Congress (with) humor (and) common sense. He brought real legislative achievements, working on environmental issues for Southern...

Hangin’ upside down ain’t good for nobody but possums.

Sorry. Sometimes my mouth engages before making contact with my brain.

Yes, I know this narrative is crowded with beautiful women – Mrs. Pearson, Mrs. Maycott, Mrs. Lavien, Mrs. Bingham. We might form a cricket team of beautiful women. I cannot help it if they are...

The photographer was lost for riposte, obvious though it should have been; instead he turned to run. At least his mind did. In fact, his mind had already scooted down the Broad Walk and was...

The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

Lucille must have fed him a Vallium smoothie this morning.

Not a week after Annie put her foot in Mrs. Huffmaster’s duff, the Captain upped and laid down the date.

As far as the Council is concerned, the U.S. Wardens are a bunch of mushrooms.””Eh?””Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.

It was like there was an elephant in the room. An elephant that expected us to have sex.

You need to relax and be yourself, not whoever it is you’re trying to be in your mad little head. I bloody don’t, though. I’m me and I’m good at it.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Valentine’s Day” Because she never forgets, especially if you do.

Wann ist man erwachsen?…..Paps meint: Wenn du Dinge tust, obwohl dir deine Eltern dazu geraten haben.Florian behauptet: Endgültig erwachsen bist du erst, wenn alle Pflanzen auf deinem Fensterbrett leben und du keine davon rauchen kannst.

All real estate agents should be put on a decommissioned naval frigate which is then towed out into the deepest part of the Atlantic and sunk. It’s rather unfortunate that, in recent years, real estate...

People do not start off stupid, they grow to be stupid.

Don’t think you’re some kind of snowflake, suit guy. I’m a bitch to everyone.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it’s to ask if everything is ok.

You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain’t long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living.

Seeing how I’ve held your penis in my hand, I think that puts you firmly in the not a stranger category.

Whenever I’m running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it.

It’s not what I’d want for at my funeral. When I die, I just want them to plant me somewhere warm. And then when the pretty women walk over my grave I would grab their...

wear flannel next to your skin, and never believe in eternal punishment.

Wait. Are you about to do something really stupid? -GUARD

Dr. Loveless: Dang these pine needles. Why can’t a forest be decently carpeted?Wild Wild West (TV) Second Season: Night of the Green Terror

Umoristica (sessista): “Alcuni membri della Commissione avrebbero preferito che le donne non fossero ammesse in Irlanda, ma ci voleva pure qualcuno che stirasse

was willing to bend nature to fit his grand philosophical scheme.” The only difference between Mendeleev and crackpottery is that Mendeleev was right: Lecoq de Boisbaudran soon retracted his data and published results that corroborated...

What are summer teeth? Summer in their mouth, Some are elsewhere.

I can be a regular bitch. Just try me.

Innerst inne vill folk ha mulattbarn. Alla samma utblandade fadda plusminusnoll-människa.

I know that not all my readers like my digressions, but the research that has been done on Caenorhabditis elegans is such a ringing triumph of science that you aren’t going to stop me.

We’ll see.

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.

Friends are like bras. Close to the heart and there for support.

Men did stupid things when they got romantic ideas in their heads.

I didn’t read the book. I burned it after the first sentence.

No, I don’t go to that restaurant anymore. No body goes there. It’s too crowded.

Maybe there is some Abnegation in everyone. Well in everyone but Peter.”-Tris Prior

literally” willy-nilly reinforces the notion that breathless nitwits lurk within this newsroom. Eliminate on sight—the usage, not the nitwits. The nitwits are to be captured

Live a life that leaves a memory, nobody can steal.

jerk.smokes cigars.will die of lung cancer,hopefully soon.excellent physical shape.