Somebody should merge motorcycles and toilets. You know, for the lover in all of us, just waiting to be released.

Whaaaaaat is going on?” May whispered out of the corner of her mouth.”I’m sort of comforted by the fact that I can’t figure it out,” Jack responded.

Jason is explaining the ins and outs of being a bird shifter to Merry.She says:”Sheesh. Okay, I think I only have one more question.””Shoot. No, don’t shoot, but ask away.””If someday I get pregnant, will...

Sillman looked at his interrogator with hopeless eyes. ‘I think while I was passed out, I dreamed about my mom’s gingerbread cookies. Maybe the guy who knocked on the glass was eatin’ one.’ ‘Mm,’ said...

My wallet isn’t empty—it’s full of hope. Thanks, Obama!

God seemed to have become a brand, a packaging, and people purchase this trusted brand with such faith and devotion that they no longer care who the vendor is.

Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I’m the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!Rukia: Wha–wha’d you say? A rescuer isn’t supposed to ignore the rescuee!Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why...

I made a t-shirt that says, “Today’s my birthday” on it, so that I can ask for hugs from strangers and point to the text on my tee as the reason why they should oblige....

I lit my loneliness on fire like it was a cigarette. But I didn’t smoke it, because that would have required me to remove my gas mask. And what kind of sensible girl is going...

Boys are found everywhere- on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around or jumping to. Mothers love them, little girls hate them, older sisters and brothers tolerated them, adults ignore them...

WINE!Because these problems aren’t going to forget THEMSELVES!

I didn’t have time to bury the money. All my precious time was taken up burying the body. I should have left the body and hid the cash. Damn! Now I’ve got no body, but...

There they were, the movers and shakers of Benjamin Franklin Hight – the sports stars, the cheerleaders, the good, the great, the gorgeous – bent over their pizzas.Trish sensed my angst and said, “My mother...

Rumour is information distilled so finely that it can filter through anything.

I could see that she was eager to please and impress me, and I was excited to see someone so excited to try to excite me. In all the excitement I forgot where I was,...

Somebody get me a bottle of booze—and a reason to quit drinking. I fell in love twice today, and I only encountered one other person.

I don’t have enough gross words in my gross vocabulary to describe how gross that gross thought is. Gross.

I’m going on a diet. (Crud, I know)I am going to be cranky. I am going to be irritable.I am going to be moody and sad and mean. And, yes, I am going to be hungry. Please don’t...

If I worked at a Laundromat, I’d steal money, and if I worked at a bank, I’d steal clothes.

I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin the story.

One time, in New Orleans at a youth convention for my church, I read out of the phone book during a talent show. I made it all the way to ‘J’ before people started booing.

75% of my life is spent wasting time. The other 25% isn’t nearly as productive.

Love is a rainbow of emotion. My favorite part is the pot of gold and the Irish midget.

God gives us relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends.

Really, for all the poetry in the world on the subject, when you get right down to it, it’s mostly just boom! penis vagina.

A company with no advertising is like a car with no headlights—it runs smoothly during the day, when people are awake and shopping, and saves money at night, when people are asleep.

At least that left hope for him. Except “Beauty and the Geek” wasn’t exactly the proper translation of the popular fairy tale.

Atty’s eyes rested on Darby with all the subtlety of a dog watching his food bowl being filled!

I was half asleep when I first saw her. She thought I was being flirty and winking at her. One eye open, one eye shut, that’s the best way to see love.

He has one of the worst personalities. Actually, you can’t call it a personality, since he acts more like an animal than a person.

Never put off until tomorrow that which may be avoided entirely.

Würde man Rooney als metrosexuell bezeichnen, würde er sich wohl zuerst verwundert am Quadratschädel kratzen und dann vorsichtshalber zuschlagen.

He wasn’t aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn’t smile he didn’t look amiable

Mother doesn’t cook, Ignatius said dogmatically, She burns.

Do you wanna play? Everyone’s dead, so I got bored. Did you come to play with me?–Wrath

Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that’s sitting on a pile of steaming feces.

Let’s quit our jobs and fuck all day.

PIGEON MY ARSE!

real” relationship?

…Though drowned was just as dead as any other way of dying.

You said th’ Magic was in my back. Th’ doctor calls it rheumatics.

I shed my clothes like a garage doesn’t shed—and a shed doesn’t garage. Then we made love like neighbors, so close, yet separated by several barriers.

McKenzie was Caroline’s primary wingman. They had matching Coach bags to prove it.

Right. I can see it now. Merry Christmas, everybody! And by the way, did I tell you I’m a vampire? No need to pass the gravy, just bare your neck-

I keep my love for her in the ashtray, along with the other stuff she burnt.

Finally- no more ruddy show for the folks back home. No pretending it’s all beer and skittles and no one ever gets hurt.- Phoenix and Ashes

scientifically.

A blanket could be used to protect your heart from heartbreak. Keep your heart warm, because if your heart grows as cold as ice, it’s much more likely to shatter.

I was just thinking that he might be willing. It’s not like he needs his semen.

For desert, maybe we can split a couple of crumbs.