C’est bien difficile de travailler quand on n’en a pas l’habitude.

Wish you were here” on the back, where exactly are you saying you wish they were?

Toadstool mandarins are a form of toxic jellyfish whose tentacles are loaded with entheogenic venom. The effects of a mandarin sting are threefold. The first is a sharp stinging sensation; the second a nasty red...

I have family all over. And when they’re all over, I leave the house and go anywhere else.

Tomorrow I’d probably wake up to find my shoes talking to me. And let me tell you, the price I pay for shoes, they’d have one heck of an attitude.

People said there had to be a Supreme Being because otherwise how could the universe exist, eh?And of course there clearly had to be, said Koomi, a Supreme Being. But since the universe was a...

I had a dream about you. You shot me with a shooting star, but I was impervious because I was wearing a suit of armor made out of cynicism.

Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around inebriated.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I’ve got to have kids of my own. If not, who’s going to ascend to my throne?

General fiction is pretty much about ways that people get into problems and screw their lives up. Science fiction is about everything else.

It was dawning on the wizards that they were outside the University, at night and without permission, for the first time in decades. A certain suppressed excitement crackled from man to man. Any watch trained...

There’s bird shit on my toilet paper, and my asshole stings from such a long flight.

The possession of facts is knowledge; the use of facts is wisdom; the creation of facts is covert action.

When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake.”Florence Ditlow, in “The Bakery Girls.

It takes a lot of commitment to sit on a committee. Only the most courageous could boldly command all that power, yet remain detached from any personal blame.

Yes, Marks, disguise. A noun describing a means of concealing someone’s identity. Often used by clowns and spies. And now apparently governesses. Good God, can anything be ordinary for my family?

Well, child? Aren’t you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?I don’t think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!

Dear Edmond,While you were sleeping this afternoon, I was busy hustling around town. You see, when I woke up early this morning to clean the apartment for the party tonight, I noticed that all your...

I’m a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit!

You are evidence of your mother’s strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity.

I’m rich in poverty. I got no money coming out of my ass. I’m up to my neck in broke.

Xavier, you have given me more grey hairs than all my sons put together.’ Saul frowned, then corrected himself. ‘To be fair, you and Zed. Just try not to add to them tonight.

Pheromones didn’t care about tomorrow. They didn’t care about education or employment or age.

I looked up from my paper and tried to remember her name. I was drawing a blank. That’s what happens when I doodle in invisible ink.

Scientists used to do an experiment whereby a dog’s repeated reward for performing a task was unaccountably replaced by punishment. The dog, knowing it would be penalized for doing well or doing badly, would become...

A blanket could be used to tell people a thousand miles and a thousand years away hello. Greetings European people of 3013! I hope you still speak Europe and can understand not a word of...

Love is the thing that holds life together. Sort of like rind to a melon, cloth to a stuffed animal, or money to the time spent with a stripper.

If you’re going to make a science fiction movie, then have a hover craft chase, for God’s sake.

I saved a man’s life once,” said Granny. “Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I’d bought it from the dwarves. That’s the biggest part...

If you let something scare you to death, then the worst has happened.

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work.

A blanket could be used to crack the code of love. What is it, where do I find it, and how much do I charge people to buy it once I do find a reliable...

And indeed there will be timeTo wonder, ‘Do I shed?’ and, ‘Do I shed?’Time to turn back and stretch out on the bed,And give myself a bath before I’m fed –(They will say: ‘It’s the...

Shigure: We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call ‘misdirected rage’. I believe the technical term is being an ass.

Smartass Disciple: Master, I believe that the truth will prevail at the end.Master of Stupidity: No ‘the end’ for the truth. ‘Prevail’ is something else.

I had a dream about you. I was a mannequin with a record player for a head, and you were an aspiring DJ. You lusted after me and I was appreciative, because you were the...

Wearing that? Wouldn’t you fancy a shapeless cardigan instead? You rock a shapeless cardigan, honey.

Bricks could be used to neatly pack your suitcase. It would promote personal strength and frugality.

He offered to pay me in agriculture, and I said I didn’t want that, I want money. I told him agriculture won’t put food on my table.

She glared at me. I didn’t care. One word was playing a loop in my heaad: mine.

In certain circumstances, basically shit ones, it’s fight or flight. With Tommy it’s always fright and flight.

I’m really enjoying my solitude after feeling trapped by my family, friends and boyfriend. Just then I feel like making a resolution. A new year began six months ago but I feel like the time...

A brick could be used to stop a bleeding wound. Though just between you and me, I’d prefer to be bandaged by a Band-Aid, a blanket, or a pair of lace panties (preferably red).

Hespe’s mouth went firm. She didn’t scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.

A brick could be used to help the needy. Giving a brick as a gift is a symbol showing you want to help build their future.

I make love like a sandwich ate at my best friend. It’s only happened to me once, and I very nearly didn’t have to pay for it.

Just holding out for a better offer.

Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.

I have an erection. I just got it. It was an early Christmas present. Do you think she’ll be mad that I unwrapped it early?