A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not afraid to use it.

We have truth in order not to die of art.

Love is relentless, and so am I 😉

A blanket could be used to tell people a thousand miles and a thousand years away hello. Greetings European people of 3013! I hope you still speak Europe and can understand not a word of...

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Hey,’ he said, touching my waist. ‘Hey. It’s okay.’ I nodded and wiped my face with the back of my hand. ‘He sucks.’ I nodded again. ‘I’ll write you an epilogue,’ Gus said. That made...

Bricks could be used to generate smiles among the general population. Just hand them out, along with handshakes, and say, This will make everything OK. And guess what? They’ll believe you.

I’m talking about doing something good for mankind. Imagine how awesome everyone would feel if they knew all that holy stuff was real.” -Gregori”Stuff? Four years of giving sermons, and that what I get back?...

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain

It’s funny how much easier it is to see others’ shortcomings and give advice when you’re not personally involved, for it’s almost impossible to see the light when you’re swimming in shit.

My only relationship policy is, don’t bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture and don’t let it affect your work.

You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.

A brick could be crushed into powder, like cocaine, and snorted to stimulate the previous highs of the housing market.

Angels are good not simply because they see bad as bad, but also because they see bad as corny.

The rage that had expolded inside me diffused. I didn’t know where it had come from. I had a short temper and often acted impulsively,but this had been intense and ugly even for me. Weird.

Bucket had started his criminal career in Braas, not far from when Allan and his new friends now found themselves. There he had gotten together with some like-minded peers and started the motorcycle club called...

A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it wasn’t me that farted in the blanket. That’s a bit too much information,...

I forgot for a second that he was my ancestral enemy, and felt bad for him; then i consoled myself that bird poop brings good luck

I’ve had great success being a total idiot.

A blanket could be used as a distraction. Wave it to the right, while you loot to the left.

I’m bein’ tortured.

If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re lookingthrough binoculars the wrongway

A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything.

I read the title from the cover. ‘ ‘The joy of… crap.’ ‘ I read the rest of the full title of the thick, nondescript volume to myself and felt myself redden.Noah turned over on...

brained” anyone in my life, but with Tori’s mom, I was willing to try.

A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.

Back from where? you’re not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody’s wife

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.

All right, I’ll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Look out Below!” Air Asia’s catchy new advertising slogan.

They call me, The Sharkalator

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.

You’ll see. I have a collection of fine waistcoats and a handsome face.” He stepped back to let her take in the full effect of both and her smile spread to the edge of a...

To fly is to swim in the air, and a brick could be used as an as example to highlight man’s failure to fishbird.

It’s strange, isn’t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go ‘aaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Now, there are things I like just fine about church, and I don’t just mean making money. The notion of getting together as a community to remind ourselves why we shouldn’t behave like animals is...

Haiku sounds like I’mSaying hi to someone namedKu. Hi, Ku. Hello.

Jonathan!”I loved carrying her around in my arms. After all, modern man is just an illusion, we’re all still cavemen. We just wear better clothes now.

The three of you were pretty cute last night, with all that touchy-feely crap.””Yeah, that lasted for about two minutes before you dragged Evan back over to the bar.””Dude, we were hunting Turkey. [drinking bourbon]...

A brick could be used to send Satan back from whence he came. But where did he come from? Probably Washington DC.

I’m getting tired of this guy’s shirt.

Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.

A blanket could be used to save your marriage. But to be honest, I’d recommend saving your marriage in a Tupperware container. That way it’ll stay fresher for longer.

Wrong amulet!”The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawedat the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off;...

A blanket could be used to wipe away my tears. But it’d better be a blanket the size of America, because I’ve been crying since Andrew Jackson died.

But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you’re funny you will get over all of that.

There were no windows in my bedroom, so I had to sit up and read my clock to figure out how angry I should be at my visitor. Eight A.M. I hated whoever woke me...

A brick could be used like a used car salesman uses people. I know, because I used to sell cars. Well, technically I got fired precisely because I didn’t sell any cars.

The driver got out smiling. He looked about seventeen or eighteen, and for a second, I had the uneasy feeling it was Luke, my old enemy. This guy had the same sandy hair and outdoorsy...