The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma’s crotch, and snuffled.Dang,” Grandma said. “Guess my new perfume really works. I’m gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.

I really enjoy laughing at work, and I find that it’s easier to do that when you’re shooting a comedy.

It isn’t easy to create a drama infused with comedy, and ‘Psych’ just knocks it out of the park.

‘The David Letterman Show’ is a show of comedy.

Welcome to Temptation.

I’m not stalking her,” I insisted.”I’m making sure she’s safe. Besides, how could you stalk Lori McGillicuddy?She’d see you and come out to your truck and say, “Hi, I’m Lori. Are you my stalker? It’s...

We have had this discussion before. You are my son. I love you. I will always love you. But I also love Nell, and if you give her the chance and stop rejecting her advances,...

Prayer or not, I want to believe that, despite all evidence to the contrary, it is possible for anyone to find that one special person. That person to spend Christmas with or grow old with...

JACKYou’re quite perfect, Miss Fairfax.GWENDOLENOh! I hope I am not that. It would leave no room for developments, and I intend to develop in many directions.

All is not lost – so why the hell should it stop to ask for directions???

Power exercised under the cloak of national security is odious. But power exercised under the microkini of national security is totally hot.

My conscience is cleared.

Intelligence Community Spring Fashion Dis of the Week: ‘Suicide vest’ is a redundancy.

Scarface’ is a redundancy.

Wait, you said ‘carry-on’ items? Not ‘carrion’ items? In that case, no, I don’t have any.

From a Twitter post on why food is better than people: ‘Bagels don’t talk about you behind your back.’ … Since WHEN???

Wear your CIA badge like it’s an electric guitar and you’re a member of the Sex Pistols.

Who gets briefed is what gets briefed

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious

If we get a 3D printer at the office, the first thing I’m printing with it is a new 3D printer just for me!

I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who propagates POODLES!

It’s great extremes which leads to great drama and great comedy.

…teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He’s currently working on a method for categorising ducks based on their singing voice. He’s...

‘Movie 43’ is about the hardest R Rated comedy ever.

Your boss loves your ideas … it’s you he doesn’t care about.

Not enough info makes for a lot of dead cats.””Dead cats?””You know, ‘Curiosity killed the cat.’ And I have enough curiosity to start a feline genocide.””Feline genocide?””Yeah. If you don’t explain Apollo, the cat kingdom...

The more you try to look sexy, the lamer it is, so you just have to commit to the comedy.

Peter and Jessie were like Romeo and Juliet. Have you ever seen that old movie? Starring Leonardo Dicaprio?

I love doing comedy. It’s a lot of fun.

The beagles are partying under Geiger’s desk.

I’m much more than a writer – I’m someone who puts different words together in an interesting way.

if you can manipulate time so this bell would hurry up and ring, I’d think it’s fabuloso.” The class snickered again, but not everyone since someone else had made a similar joke just several minutes...

I don’t really know how music and comedy are similar. I try never to dissect it theoretically or academically.

I’d love to do a comedy. I’m terrified of comedy. I don’t think I’m funny, but I guess that’s why it’s so thrilling.

Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?

It’s less lonely. Sketch comedy is much more fun than stand-up. You can still have a good time when you’re bombing in sketch comedy because at least you’re bombing with other people.

If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough.

Nice driving, ya doomed fucks!

Let them Teach,Let them learn,let them pray,for the world is theirs.

Freedom from likes and dislikes, the sudden sense of identification, the spirit of comedy.

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

I love the inpatience of New York… You ever had somebody not-ask you for directions, but demand them? You’re just innocently walking down the street, you hear a horn, all of a sudden some guy’s...

It’d be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it’s totally obvious to everyone that I did it.

A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me...

What I really want to do is comedy. I would love to do some guest star spots on some single-camera comedies.

Morning, Bill,’ said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.’Go to hell!’ said Bill.’Right-ho,’ said his lordship.

And if that weren’t bad enough, the next sound he heard was a loud click.The damned woman had locked him out. She’d taken all the food and locked him out.”You’ll pay for this!” he yelled...

My number one fear is heights. Well, not so much the heights but the falling from heights. Actually the falling isn’t that bad (I have a strong heart), it’s the sudden stops that are painful....

If secrecy is the beginning of tyranny, declassification is its apotheosis.