When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there.

Have a selective optimistic sight, transform the bitch glitch “in stitches.

Don’t let the muggles get you down.

Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the...

It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant.

Life is not easy. We all have problems-even tragedies-to deal with, and luck has nothing to do with it. Bad luck is only the superstitious excuse for those who don’t have the wit to deal...

Great wits jump

My doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven [o’clock]. It makes me talk in my sleep.

Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate?

You think the nurse stole it? She looked shady.

I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter.”(Letter 16, 1657)

Too many scholars think of research as purely a cerebral pursuit. If we do nothing with the knowledge we gain, then we have wasted our study. Books can store information better than we can–what we...

The distrust of wit is the beginning of tyranny.

The height of cleverness is in one’s ability to be very clever without seeming clever at all.

When men have come to the edge of a precipice, it is the lover of life who has the spirit to leap backwards, and only the pessimist who continues to believe in progress.

Both were military. That was clear.Reacher could tell by their haircuts. No civilian barber would be as pragmatic or as brutal.

In the midst of the fountain of wit there arises something bitter, which stings in the very flowers.

In retrospect, I am very nearly as sharp as I pretend to be.

Its not about winnning or losing, or how much you know before you do something.Its all about trying, how and how much have you tried is all that is important.And the day you try with...

Am I afraid of ghosts? My life experience has taught me to be much more afraid of what a human is capable of in broad daylight than what a ghost is capable of at night.

Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I’d know me anywhere.

Wit and puns aren’t just decor in the mind; they’re essential signs that the mind knows it’s on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program.

So you’re a Shadowhunter,’ Nate said. ‘De Quincey told me that you lot were monsters.”Was that before or after he tried to eat you?’ Will inquired.

Yeah you can have a word,” said Harry savagely. “Good-bye.

In fact, Lig never formally resigned his editorship—he merely left his office late one morning, and has never returned since. Though well over a century has now passed, many members of the Guide staff still...

She would walk through the kitchen at any hour, whenever she was hungry, and put her fork in the pots and eat a little of everything without placing anything on a plate, standing in front...

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

There is not a man of common sense who would not chuse to be agreeable in company; and yet, strange as it may seem, very few are

Old Madame du Deffand and her friends talked for fifty years without stopping. And of it all, what remains? Perhaps three witty sayings. So that we are at liberty to suppose either that nothing was...

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang.

Who values the past lives sentimentally.Who optimizes the present grabs opportunity.Who balances time creates harmony. Who disturbs harmony leads complexity.Who solves complexity opens continuity.

Jesus.

My name is Mr Bread.” He began writing his name neatly on the board. “But you can call me Peter.”Suddenly there was quiet, as thirty little brains whirred.”Pita Bread!” proclaimed a ginger-haired boy from the...

You judge very properly, and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are...

Really?””No. I’m being ironic. Or is it sarcastic? I can never remember.””Irony’s cleverer, so you’re probably being sarcastic.

The moving finger writes, and having written moves on. Nor all thy piety nor all thy wit, can cancel half a line of it.

Hello, I am Oscar Wilde

I wouldn’t be caught dead sacrificing myself for this country.

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.

Erm…I don’t know maybe for kissing me and tasting so damn delicious, maybe for holding my hand in public, maybe for looking far too hot in that sexy, snug tee when you should just be...

You turned an attack into a promise. The wisest of men know that to render an insult powerless, you often need only to embrace it.

He remembered having said to his uncle (with a solemn dogmatism better befitting a much younger man): “Surely it is possible to love with the head as well as the heart.” Mr. Delagardie had replied,...

When I need some striking inspiration about deep depression for my new painting, I just need to go to check my bank account…

Witty sayings don’t grow on bumpers the way babies do. I was raised by a single rush hour.

some call their mistake a discovery;to others, their mistake is a misfortune and to most people a mistake is a deviation from the acceptable. A mistake is a mistake depending on what we think it...

preemptive strike n.A blow or punch delivered by military aircraft to a target who is suspected of being adverse to one’s plot for world domination.

The loudest wit I e’er was deafened with.

I didn’t cross the line, you drew it in after I traversed it.