I’m living so far beyond my means that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Life is meaning less when you realized that you are about to die. Till then, everything negative however trifle they may be, depress you.

Patience, grasshopper,” said Maia. “Good things come to those who wait.””I always thought that was ‘Good things come to those who do the wave,'” said Simon. “No wonder I’ve been so confused all my life.

Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence.

Cardinal Campeggio has implored Katherine to bow to the king’s will, accept that her marriage is invalid and retire to a convent. Certainly, she says sweetly, she will become a nun: if the king will...

He wouldn’t even understand dry wit if you dropped him off in the desert with a canteen full of sand and a Sandberg poem.

The poet is a faker / Who’s so good at his act / He even fakes the pain / Of pain he feels in fact.

One says the things which one feels the need to say, and which the other will not understand: one speaks for oneself alone.

I spent the last Friday of summer vacation spreading hot, sticky tar across the roof of George Washington High. My companions were Dopey, Toothless, and Joe, the brain surgeons in charge of building maintenance. At...

Analysis is soul of thought and ghost of wit.

Thought and knowledge are natures in which apparatus and pretension avail nothing. Gowns, and pecuniary foundations, though of towns of gold, can never countervail the least sentence or syllable of wit. Forget this, and out...

Being born in a stable does not make one a horse.

Does the king know you’re back?””Nope! I’m trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred chasmfiends marching in unison, singing an ode to my magnificence.””That sounds… hard.””Yeah, the storming...

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer

Your fantasies define you, so dream carefully. A man with no imagination is a man with no future in today’s world—and no past in tomorrow’s.

What is whiter than snow?’ he said. ‘The truth,’ said Grania.’What is the best colour?’ said Finn. ‘The colour of childhood,’ said she.’What is hotter than fire?’ ‘The face of a hospitable man when he...

I am back in London in a couple of days and looking forward to Sunday. Here is what we are doing. 1. Going to see my favourite mad transgender folk singer at the Roundhouse. 2....

Three,’ reckoned the captain, ‘ourselves make seven, counting Hawkins, here. Now, about honest hands?’Most likely Trelawney’s own men,” said the doctor; ‘those he had picked up for himself, before he lit on Silver.’Nay,’ replied the...

Digression is the soul of wit. Take the philosophic asides away from Dante, Milton or Hamlet’s father’s ghost and what stays is dry bones.

Big words from a guy who’s trussed up like a turkey. What are you going to do, wobble over here like an upside- down turtle to snap me in half?””The logistics of breaking you are...

Foolish minds will entertain you, but confuse minds will irritate you.

Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.

Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.

To be knowledgeable, learn new things every day; to be wise, unlearn things that you learn with wit and love.

I’m very fond of experimental housekeeping.

I’m very lucky to have such a loving son.

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare,...

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.

Well, enough of this introspection. It’s depressing, quite frankly.

The small amount of foolery wise men have makes a great show.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

By my hand and for the good of the state; the bearer has done what has been done. Hmmmm ~~~ one should be careful what one writes for one never knows into whose hands it...

What is this powerful have over my tub? Surely, I am transfixed by your firecracker charm and your suspended electrified wit.

And here, I believe, the wit is generally misunderstood. In reality, it lies in desiring another to kiss your a– for having just before threatened to kick his; for I have observed very accurately, that...

If you’ve brains it’s better than beauty – brains last, beauty doesn’t.

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.

I am a master of foolhardy plans.

You can make a sordid thing sound like a brilliant drawing-room comedy. Probably a fear we have of facing up to the real issues. Could you say we were guilty of Noel Cowardice?

Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first

Good madonna, give me leave toprove you a fool.

You cannot negotiate art.

Two blind men waited at the end of an era, contemplating beauty.

[On Oscar Wilde:]”If, with the literate, I amImpelled to try an epigram,I never seek to take the credit;We all assume that Oscar said it.[Life Magazine, June 2, 1927]

Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.

There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.””And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.””And yours,” he replied...

For a poet he threw a very accurate milk bottle.

Well then that’s our date confirmed. I am excited! Most girls want to know if I have long term plans to start a family; you want to know if I like 80s rap. I think...

I no longer believe in love,” she said bitterly. “When people claim to have lost their heart, it’s usually only their wits that have vanished.

He felt that such a life in which one could display such sarcasm and wit was after all to a certain degree worth living.