The news that she had gone of course now spread rapidly, and by lunch time Riseholme had made up its mind what to do, and that was hermetically to close its lips for ever on...

The boy knew that escaping school was the surest sign of his election.

He had decided that if he ever returned to his old job he would create a special level of hell, an enormous inescapable shop of attractive but useless and overpriced items that the damned would...

Never knock on death’s door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. – T-shirt

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was this: So long and...

I’m almost finished,” said Wilhelm, wiping out a line with his sleeve and drawing over it.”I never doubted you for a moment,” said Vex, then looked at Aurora and spoke more softly. “I actually doubted...

I make my way back whistling. Gerry nods towards Mrs Brady who is standing beside the trolleys.Morning, Mrs Brady, I say cheerfully.I push her provisions out to the car.Things are something terrible, she says. You...

Jesus paid for our sins, so let’s get our money’s worth.

Just because I’m insane doesn’t mean I have to act all crazy.

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands… that can do your brain.

The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.

He was lonely. I could see that. He was working his butt off-and mine, too-in the hope that a million rupees might sort out his sex life. I prayed to Buddha he would be successful....

Maxim 37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “time to reload”.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

I don’t think I’d want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway.

Augustus Waters was a self-aggrandizing bastard. But we forgive him. We forgive him not because he had a heart as figuratively good as his literal one sucked, or because he knew more about how to...

We came from nothing, we’ll leave with nothing; might as well make the most of the brief somethingness in between

Cat, you asked me before to find out if those dream -suppression pills had any side effects. I’ve checked with Pathology, and they said you might experience depression, mood swings, irritability, paranoia, and chronic fatigue....

Unexpected Elizabeth wasn’t falling into his arms as he’d anticipated, even after he had acted heroic and been valiantly injured. Perhaps he had lost her.

There was this other apocalypse this one time. And, well, I took off. But this time, I don’t… I don’t know.” “Well, what’s different?” “Well, I guess I was kinda new to being around humans...

That’s great, Grace, but in case you’ve forgotten, we’re supposed to kill vampires, not play nice and have lunch with them. – Archer

No, little one, George’s ghost won’t come back. Human beings don’t have souls. No soul, no ghost. Simple.””How can you say that?” protested Mopple. “We don’t know whether humans have souls or not.””Every lamb knows...

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Modern-Day Parenting is no joke. For starters, no one takes you seriously unless you have a fancy parenting style. Tiger Mom, Helicopter Mom, Organic Mom and on and on. I’ve decided to go with L-Board...

If you’re working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That’s why I believe there should be a psychiatrist...

I’m holding a super-expandable energy-powered towel. I’ve made friends with space hamsters. I think we’ve stretched believability rather far, don’t you?

Yes. We will live the rest of our lives in hell. It’s not so bad: as long as you’re prepared for it, you can live anywhere.

Foolish potato, talking to her like that won’t work. You’ve got to be mean and show off your foil-wrapped rigidity.

Michael: “Thing is, I’d like to go out with you. What are you doing on Saturday?”Siobhan: “Committing suicide.”Michael: “Alright then, what are you doing on Friday?”(from Stormling, 2014)

… all his faces were designed to express rage or loathing. Now that something had happened which really deserved a face, he had none to celebrate it with. As a kind of token, he made...

I love you.” Of course, straight to the point was also an effective strategy.

More like an offer I’m hoping you can’t refuse.

The lot of the brideto be wed before beddesired until rotten.The lot of the authorto be read before bedadmired then forgotten.

Your sister and I were just makin’ out.

We’ve determined that Ms. Hauptman is a potential threat to the public safety, and we are bringing her in as a murder suspect who has supernatural powers that make her too dangerous to be incarcerated...

It may be that The Great Gatsby is as perfect, word for word, just in terms of English; but Ulysses is deeper, richer, wider – and is comic, whereas The Great Gatsby is a tragic...

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

He hated being filled with terror. It was embarrassing.

I once tried to give him a friendly little “drugs chat”. He politely corrected me on every single fact, then said he’d noticed I drank above the recommended guidelines of Red Bull and did I...

YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf, I am the smaller one on its upper side,’said the dewdrop to the lake.

On a world where a common table implement is a little device with which you crack the ice that has formed on your drinnk between drafts, hot beer is a thing you come to appreciate.

Fever jumped aside just in time to dodge the shower of urine, and stumbled into the path of a religious procession – celebrants in robes and pointed hats whirling and clapping and chanting the name...

You are where your brain is but not where a front-page headline is.

Poverty, hatred, war, police-criminals, bureaucracy, insanity, all symptoms of The Human Virus.

What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?” he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control.”For one thing, Djetth, he wasn’t trying to kill me!”(“Marsh”, heroine of Insufficient...

And so Mort came at last to the river Ankh, greatest of rivers. Even before it entered the city, it was slow and heavy with the silt of the plains, and by the time it...

ouch,” nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine didn’t feel anything because of the use of the aforesaid retractable pins, and one witch declared that it had miraculously cleared up the arthritis in her leg.

I don’t want to be a genius-I have enough problems just trying to be a man.

It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively; that was merely an unintended side effect.

This might not be the best moment to ask me that.

I BELIEVE EVERYONE IS SPECIAL . . . BUT SOME PEOPLE THINK . . . . IT’S JUST ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING NO-ONE IS