Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, “my dear leetle mongoose.” I wish he’d turn back into a frog and hop away.

Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

We drink to those who love us, we drink to those who don’t. We drink to those who fuck us, and fuck those who don’t!

We can beat our swords into plowshares, and we can beat our plowshares into swords, but as far as computers go, a hammer can only change the shape of the junk, not it’s function.

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Really, Mom? That’s your advice? Boys are like candy. What is that? Forrest Gump on teens?

Look,” I whisper to Cat, “Shooting star! That’s good luck.”She rolls her eyes. “It’s a plane, you idiot,” she says, and when I look again I can see that she’s right. Typical.

Sorry, no professionals.

…and there encountered with him all at once Sir Bors, Sir Ector, and Sir Lionel, and they three smote him at once with their spears, and with force of themselves they smote Sir Lancelot’s horse...

If you were smart,” Genghis said, “you would have borrowed the silverware of one of your friends.””We never thought of that,” Klaus said. When one is forced to tell atrocious lies, one often feels a...

You blew up half the town.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Never make eye contact with a stranger when you’re having a churro.

Governments are nothing more than elaborate Rube Goldberg apparatuses, operating with absurd inefficiency. Why walk ten steps when you can make it there in a hundred?

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they’d still be brother and sister.

The neck in front of her came up. The head swivelled 180 degrees and the horse looked at Kin with bright insectile eyes.’YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND,’ it said inside Kin’s head.’Hell!”THOSE ARE NOT MEANINGFUL...

Treat me like a king and I’ll treat you like a queen……….Treat me like a queen and off with your head

Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!” Michael Keaton character in “Mr. Mom

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Torn clothes are funny … until your dad gets fired.

Laughter is the best medicine

Yo Mama’s like mustard, she spreads easy.