Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

… they only trusted the wisdom of people brighter and more worldly than themselves when it was expressed in the vocabulary and style of rural idiots. In his guise as Brazenydol, he had once had...

Well sue me for staring. I’d be willing to scrub away my shame on his washboard abs.

I enjoy poetry where I can talk as bizarre as I please, but theology or philosophy, I always respect the truth by taking it a step further.

Wisdom of the Ages “US News Media” If the devil is the father of all lies, isn’t the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

Ish #1 “It’s not your mama’s macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.

God never asks me for rent but my landlord does,well that’s funny ❤❤

A thief is one who insists on sharing his victimhood.

His deepest need was that people should like him. An admirable trait that; in a spaniel. Or a whore.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

For me, the times I always regret are missed opportunities to say farewell to good people, to wish them long life and say to them in all sincerity, “You build and do not destroy; you...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.’ But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you’ll have to go see the good doc anyway.

We men are fascinated by the things we don’t really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Women” Any culture that has supported the education, rights and sanctity of women has dominated those cultures who have not. As Lycurgus the Spartan lawgiver once said, “Strong women make strong...

Ish #21 “Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It’s still meat!

I’m past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I’d win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?

I have only one heart to give and one mind to lose. May I someday find a woman who will take them both.

Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.

We can beat our swords into plowshares, and we can beat our plowshares into swords, but as far as computers go, a hammer can only change the shape of the junk, not it’s function.

Sip tea and coffee with those who say you can, politely stuff with cookies any who say you cannot. Because the stuff they are feeding you, be it the latter,looks strangely a bit like the...

Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.

Am besten cremst du sie schon hier ein”, sagte ich.”Im Freibad ist sie immer sofort im Sand und wenn sie dabei noch fettig ist, hast du ein paniertes Kind.”Er nickte. Und seufzte tief.

You’re sad? I’ll cheer you up. You’re upset? I’d love to listen. All you have to do is come to me, you know I’ll be there for you.

He who laughs last … just didn’t get the joke.

It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head.

I don’t get Columbus Day… I mean he gets a holiday for getting lost. This is true… he was trying to find a spice route to India and ended up in the Caribbean…All he had...

I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side.

said “let’s send that fuckin’ Flowers up there. He hasn’t done anything for us lately.””He’s off today,” somebody said.Davenport said, “So what?

I get the feeling humanity would be thrilled to discover life on another planet. So why not rediscover it here and really cherish it.

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.

Wann ist man erwachsen?…..Paps meint: Wenn du Dinge tust, obwohl dir deine Eltern dazu geraten haben.Florian behauptet: Endgültig erwachsen bist du erst, wenn alle Pflanzen auf deinem Fensterbrett leben und du keine davon rauchen kannst.

When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you’re the one getting slapped with the stick.

An assumption is the joke; truth the punchline.

The best protection against identity theft is bad credit

With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing.

Hasn’t stopped us before. And besides, if they wanted to kill us, we’d be dead by now and would be having an entirely different conversation. I wonder if I’d still be mad at you, or...

Life before toilet paper was not worth living.

If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.

The fact that we’re all different is the one thing we all have in common.

There is no such thing as a bad life. That’s what I call an experienced living.