So you want me to go to a human orgy, where I will not be welcome, and you want us to leave before I get to enjoy myself? ~Eric Northman

under the gold standard, a free banking system stands as the protector of an economy’s stability and balanced growth… The abandonment of the gold standard made it possible for the welfare statists to use the...

Tears streamed down my face. I was so happy I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. But at the same time I knew that that afternoon’s downpour would have made the slate tiles so...

Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair.

Her lips full and inviting, she has an infectious laugh and glassy cackle in her eyes, and a 2000 volt sexual charisma that beckons me like a fluff girl on scuffed knees.

I like to watch the news, because I don’t like people very much and when you watch the news … if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the...

Even when I go do comedy stuff live, I can still feel the drummer in me about to go onstage.

The story is uneven in its progression.

Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren’t we suffocating ourselves a wee bit?’ he asked, placing a hand on the top of her corset. ‘A...

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.

I feel like a part of me is gone, too. We were a comedy team and I was proud to be his straight man. He was a wonderful comedian. Underrated, really.

He quite liked dentists’ waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth.

So I guess this works out good.

Honesty, simplicity and truth are the secret to his comedy,

That is kind of you, my lord. But I will never dance with you.”Which, of course, made it the goal of Leo’s life.

I think, you know, a lot of the business of comedy is taking your personal experiences and making them relatable to other people.

Who decided it’s a phobia in the first place? What if I just don’t want to get married ever. Just like I don’t want to live in Jharkhand ever. Somehow I can say that as...

I like comedy, I love it very much, I love laughing.

Gue nggak menafikan ada hal-hal mistis di sekitar kita, tapi ada air bekas cucian keris yang bisa bikin awet muda, gue sama sekali nggak percaya. Bagi yang percaya, ya silakan aja. Di zaman teknologi serbacanggih...

One does not have humor. It has you.

My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, “Not as scary as the boogie woman.

The wisdom of coming in out of the rain is entirely a function of what’s waiting for you inside.

In cyber espionage, the cloak and the dagger are one and the same.

Aging is about mind over matter – every year my matter drops another quarter inch below my mind.

It isn’t he who laughs last, but he whose laugh lasts.

No doubt zombie films are dumb, but I find it impressive that zombies can hold a camera relatively steady, let alone write a screenplay.

Am I the only person who thinks the theory of solipsism is totally stupid?

Never tell a warm-up joke before giving an intelligence briefing – just start the briefing so you can get straight to the really big laughs.

The hard part is over. Now comes the soft, gooey part that’s impossible to get off one’s shoes.

In comedy laughter settles all arguments.

Maybe if they had put a little more effort into it, the labor theory of value would be better appreciated today.

Says here there’s a reward,” Mr. Hooks said.Tallie blinked, then remembered Keith had added that tidbit for incentive. She opened her purse and scrutinized the contents of her slim wallet–twelve dollars and a book of...

Light, trivial comedy does not appeal – it is not something I go to see.

I knew I was in deep shit. I didn’t know how deep—just that I still hadn’t touched bottom.

In the real world, babysitting is a groovy way for young people to learn responsibility (and earn a little pocket money). In the Terrorverse, it’s a plot device used to kill teenagers.

You little prick. It’s a whelk…it’s a…it’s a…dead whelk!

There’s nothing more difficult to do than comedy.

People keep making excuses, that’s why everthing happens for a reason.

‘At times like these, size really does matter,’ I point out, at I extend my ginormous umbrella over her in a way that stops any rain droplets from falling on her.

What are you gonna help us with? That very tiny used condom?

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.

Only love will attract love.”~ Amunhotep El Bey

People are meant to be certain places, and I think I’m meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy.

It’s like George always says: being in a rock ʼn’ roll band is very sexy, even when you’re only the keyboard player and your idea of the perfect Saturday night actually amounts to a bubble...

You need a father figure in your life.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

When life throws shit at you, grow great, big, fuck off roses.

Live a life abundant in love and rich in spirit, these are the seeds of a fulfilling existence. Be the safe harbor you seek in the world. Follow your dreams, not your fear. Go into...

I’m a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it’s what I’ve been doing and it’s what I’m going to keep doing.

Shall I compare thee to a Shoggoth?