I love smart comedy.

Mike’s brain was hardwired directly into his genitals and most higher functions appeared to have switched themselves off. In other words, he was just like most men.

Bad improvisers block action, often with a high degree of skill. Good improvisers develop action.”(p.115)

Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy. You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little more.

You think I’d cheat on you?” I demanded with all the innocent outrage I could muster.”With another guy, no. With a cheeseburger . . . in a heartbeat.

Support your partner in their interests. You never know when batting practice, kung fu movie moves, or even a poker night might come in handy during a zombie infestation.

I love therapy. I don’t get the taboo about seeking therapy at all. It’s exactly like taking Buzzfeed quizzes. At the end of the day, we all want to know what cocktail we are. But...

This hiatus coming up I’m looking at a comedy because I need the balance.

Memang hukum fiqih itu didesain bisa berubah mengikuti zaman dengan dipandu kaidah-kaidah yang biasa disebut Qowaidul Fiqh. Hal ini tentu sangat penting, apalagi pengetahuan dan penemuan saat ini semakin canggih. Twitter contohnya. Media sosial yang...

Don’t you remember what your grandfather used to say? That thing about pots and people?””That pots were like people,” Alex replied flatly, thinking back to his grandfather carrying a tray of wet freshly thrown clay...

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me

Not my circus, not my monkeys (but definitely my 27 clowns piling out of a car).

The girdle went from just under my breasts to the top of my knees. It cinched me in pretty tight. In fact, it was so tight that when I sat in it and farted, the...

Indie band names would make better song titles; indie song titles would make better band names.

We’re all divorced from reality – the only question is whether you’re paying alimony or receiving it.

Motivational Secret of the Week: A clenched fist cannot give the finger.

Secret 7591037. Anything they can do to you, they can do for you; and anything they can do for you, they can do to you.

A double standard is a scandal. A single standard is an atrocity.

Secret 4081312. Every bullet’s magic if you’ve got a magic gun.

The real F-word is ‘future.

Secret 48617.0. If you’re TDY in Ottawa, the only thing worse than CSIS giving you a bad time is CSIS attempting to show you a good one.

…big, strapping macho guys were like liquid diets–they were great for emergencies, but she wouldn’t want to be on one all the time.

I can write about all of these bizarre and funny characters in my book, “Diggin’ Elroy,” because I know them better than anyone else. I have a little bit of all of them in me.

What character with any sense of aesthetics desires a cradle-to-grave account of himself? That’s so passé, so nineteenth-century.

We didn’t used to be so precious about women in comedy back in the old days.

What have you got in there you little bastard?

Never mind that. What’s going on with you and Heath?”Annabelle pulled a little wide-eyed innocence out of her rusty bag of college acting skills.”What do you mean? Business.””Don’t give me that. We’ve been friends too...

I do like any kind of project that has both comedy and drama in it because in life you don’t have one day where everything is funny then the next day everything is dramatic.

I shall now express my utter disgust and anger with you through the piano.

Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.

I really, really enjoy comedy. I think that’s one of my strong suits. It’s my zone. And people don’t expect it from me, which is a whammy.

Do short people reach their full potential quicker?

You are a more powerful person than you might have ever imagined.” Maxwell D. Kalist.

You’re a fat cunt and you can’t add up to save your life.” Dimitri Pissec.

I’m sure,” Nine said with a laugh.

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told…and have a sense of humor doing it.

Sam: I’ve never considered myself a finicky eater. No pie ever crossed my path and survived.

My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

Misery comes to miser; joy comes to wiser. (A Very Hot Cup of Tea, Empathy)Juvenile invites, youth tries, adult applies, and the old man dies. (A Straw Man, Empathy)In everyone, there lives a superhero. (The...

I’m sorry Sam, but it’s past time for a musical intervention here. You can’t keep listening to this stuff. It wasn’t even remotely good when it was popular, and it certainly hasn’t gained anything over...

Displacement of ‘What goes around, comes around’ is Zero.

Express yourself, Express your life, Express the Moment, Live the life.

Use Jesus Motor Fuel—Put a savior in your tank!

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it…try to fake three laughs in an hour — ha ha ha ha ha — they’ll take you away, man. You can’t.

I hate McDonald’s. I don’t want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown’s mouth. If I want my face in a clown’s mouth, I’ll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.

If you put any effort into anything you do and have a strong sense of self to the point where you don’t even question your choices before you walk out of the house— you’re a...

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread.

Son,” he said, “you monkeyed up.

I ground my teeth. “Just when I thought I was getting a handle on this whole Dark One/demon lord/imp thing, you go and throw knockers into the mix. I’m going to have to request that...

I will say you could always look at ‘Looney Tunes’ and learn about writing. I think you can learn a lot about the beats of comedy. I think you can find out about awkward pauses,...