Yesterday I complained of chest pains. My cat scratched my nipples.

I wear my cat like a purring fur coat. Love is such a warm feeling, no?

Heaven is a warm cat and a good book.

Whatever would give you the idea that I’m her damn brother?

Will the real Red Reaper please stand up?

Also, the killing of small animals is the entrance ramp onto the serial killer superhighway. Damn. I bet the cat knows that. He picked me because I can’t hurt him, or I’d be fulfilling my...

How complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.

Food was good, company better, and if I had been a cat, I’d have preferred.

Nancy took her tiny little baby and held him down toward Norton.”Look Norton,” she said, “This is a baby.”Norton looked up at Charlie, took him in, and sort of nodded as if assimilating the information.There...

Cats are the lap-dancers of the animal world. Soon as you stop shelling out, they move on, find another lap. They’re furry little sociopaths. Pretty and slick — in love with themselves. When’s the last...

I preferred to think of myself as a cat. If I think of my behavior as cat behavior instead of people behavior, it pretty much always makes sense.

I have no brothers or sisters, so I get all my sibling love. But since I can’t take what’s already mine, I end up giving it all to my cat.

My cat likes to wake me up by licking my armpit. Never before have I had such a romantic alarm clock. It’s true, man, I should have been born Harry Truman. He could have been...

He’s crazy,” Bruno said, twirling a finger in circles around the side of his head and whistling to indicate just how crazy he thought he was. “He went up to a cat on the street...

There’s nothing to catch up on. You came, you saw, you scored, you left. End of story.

I was slumped next to him. He didn’t pay any attention to me, but kept snickering as he drove. It was annoying. I had PMS and a test this morning. Boy, had he picked the...

Žmogus sviedžia pagalį, o šuo nubėga ir dantyse jį parneša atgal. ,,Koks protingas šuo, – galvoja žmogus, – nes daro tai, ko aš noriu.” O katė pagalio neatneša. ,,Neprotinga katė”, – nutaria žmogus. O katė...

You can shove a cat in an oven, but that doesn’t make it a biscuit.

The stones were sharp,The wind came at my back;Walking along the highway, Mincing like a cat.

And in his eyes he had the look of the cat who inspires a desire to caress but loves no one, who never feels he must respond to the impulses he arouses.

The mouse that makes jest of a cat has already seen a hole nearby… We don’t fear the devil because we are leaning on the resurrection power of Christ!

Lecture’s over.

Don’t look like that, Draco, you look like you did right before you pounced on the cat when you were two.

…cursing my heels and debating whether it was faster to stop and take them off–damn ankle straps!–or keep running with the potential neck breakers. Wouldn’t that make a charming epitaph? Here lies Cat. Killed not...

Of course. My second-favorite thing to do in bed.

Have you met my boyfriend?”There. That was a doozy. His eyes narrowed, and his lips thinned into a tight line. Yep, Noah was a mood kill for both of us.

Everything comes to those who wait… except a cat.

People decide how to live their own lives! A scum bastard doesn’t have the right to chain anyone down!” -Sven to Torneo

How promising today’s generation is. They can whip out their cellular phones like sheep, instantly take a million digital photos of their cat and then just delete them. But I’d like to see these kids...

For he is an instrument for the children to learn benevolence upon.

Just got done giving my cat a haircut and eating dinner. The two events are unrelated, though I might cough up a hairball later on.

I would pull at my beard like a wise man, but I don’t have one—a beard (or a wise man). So instead I pull at my grandpa’s beard, as he purrs like a kitten.

It was probably my mother’s screaming that frightened the cat. It’s just a guess. No one knows for sure why a cat fell from a ten-storey building onto my head.

Why did you tell her I’m your boyfriend? Why doesn’t she know about your real one? – TimmyHe’s English! And Mom…Mom hates foreigners! – Cat

I hope worms shit on your corpse!” was my reply. A ghost had just gotten to third base with me. Could I sink any lower?

You’re not shooting the cat. It would leave a mess.

It’s a small world.” . . . “When you put it in a cemetery it is.

My cat mocks me frequently. It’s the universe’s way of keeping me from getting too big of an ego.

I can sing!” I say defensively adding, “Like a choking cat.

Church was doing what he often did when dropped – lying on his back with all four legs in the air, pretending to be dead in order to induce guilt in his owners.

I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.

I love when my cat crushes his forehead into mine like my skull is an empty beer can. But it’s not—there’s still a sip left.

Sometimes I kick my cat. But I’m asleep, and he sleeps at the foot of my bed. It’s not like I kick it intentionally, like it was a politician.

I never hear about dear Mike. I wrote Ellen Greene and asked about him and she replyed and never mentioned Mike but told me all about her roomatism. As if I cared about her roomatism.

Vicious,” came Vlad’s reply, amusement clear in his tone.

Can we move this along?” a bored voice stated. “I have places to be and people to shag.””Ian, I’m not going to hug you,” I stated as I approached him. “I know you like this...

Meow, meow, meow. Meow meow. Meoow,” Boo told me, obviously having a full day and feeling I needed to be kept apprised of every second of it.

The Glass Cat is one of the most curious creatures in all Oz. It was made by a famous magician named Dr. Pipt before Ozma had forbidden her subjects to work magic. Dr. Pipt had...

I had learned that a dexterous, opposable thumb stood among the hallmarks of human success. We had maintained, even exaggerated, this important flexibility of our primate forebears, while most mammals had sacrificed it in specializing...

For several centuries, the Celtic church of Ireland was spared the Greek dualism of matter and spirit. They regarded the world with the clear vision of faith. When a young Celtic monk saw his cat...