Don’t be silly and don’t waste your time.

Seriously, it makes sense. He’s always tired and pale, and keeps himself away from people so he won’t bite them….Maybe that’s what he’s doing when he disappears. Getting his fix of blood.

He actually caught himself saying things like “Yippee,” as he pranced ridiculously round the house.

Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love.

I’ve been a stand-up comedian for years, and I can be silly.

My high school teachers didn’t call me “The Babe Ruth of the Bicycle” for nothing. It’s too bad they didn’t call me that, because it was accurate.

Imagine there is a balloon tied to a severed human hand. As it floats into the sky it flaps in the breeze, and whether you perceive it to be waving hello or goodbye determines whether...

I think we all should be in love once in our lifetime, even if we’re in love with someone who’s not alive in our lifetime. Long distance relations are hard, especially when you’re separated by...

Do Not Eat.” Since I don’t feel like cooking or making love, I’ll probably have it for dinner tonight.

As a balloon expands, so too does my love for you with each passing day. To know how I truly feel about you, look no further than the balloon giraffe.

There is a safety mechanism in place [to ensure the perambulator doesn’t turn back into a purse with a baby in it] : if anything weighing more than a pound and a half-about the weight...

though they know in their adult hearts,even as they threaten to banish Timmy to bedfor his appalling behavior,that their bosses are Big Fatty Stupids,their wives are Dopey Dopeheadsand that they themselves are Mr. Sillypants.

When people say there is no place like home, the first to agree are the homeless.

I’ve been doing silly voices since I was a child.

I want to merge running a marathon and doing a handstand into one action. It will look similar to how I’d make love to a mannequin.

Love and I have been a duo since empty banana peel.

We were just kids, what did we know about love? I knew I loved her, and she knew she didn’t love me. Turns out we were both wrong.

I tried picking my nose once, but I was too indecisive. I would tell you I love you, but I can’t decide if maybe I’m not really in love with your clone.

Love is an intense flickable mystery, like a booger.

I love favors, because a favor is, instead of me doing something or paying you anything, why don’t you do it for me for free?

Yes, I know,” Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear:”I would rather eat a bowl of vampire batsthan spend an hour with Carmelita Spats.”The Baudelaires giggled and...

Well blow me down with a solar flare.

I want to attend a Pampered Chef party about as much as I want to go to a used auto parts party where you can win a baby monkey as a door prize.

It’s much easier for me to be silly than it is to be serious on soap opera.

She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love.

I want to buy you a pair of YAP, or Yellow Admiration Pants (they have no crotch), and have you talk dirty to me.

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.

I love three women—Agatha, Christy, and Agatha Christie.

I sing like a flower, and I dance like a tree. Let us make love like an overflowing cup of coffee.

I’ve got a lot of love to give you. And by you I mean your clone.

Love is an award you win by losing—or giving it away. Trophies collect dust, but love is the ultimate prize.

We spent the whole evening conversing like I was mute and she was deaf. I didn’t talk and she didn’t listen, and that’s what made me think we might be in love.

Spoken often enough, words become [became] nonsense.

Do a loony-goony dance ‘Cross the kitchen floor, Put something silly in the world That ain’t been there before.

I don’t drink to make others look better, I just drink to make myself feel prettier.

I am Fried Quiero Loud Babcock (not bad cock), and I am here for the ranch dressing your father promised my father, 53 years ago. Kindly pour some on my salad and I’ll be on...

Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.

Broccoli, it’s what’s for breakfast. This morning let us make love like we’re both still asleep. I’ll hit the snooze if you find the lube.

The ground is to far away, why can’t we raise it up?

You say guest, and I say prisoner. But I say it with love, so mine is preferable to yours.

Today I had to cut my Silent and Still Statue Demonstration Ceremony short due to wind conditions. Tonight I’ll make love like a tornado.

What does it say about me that I don’t say much? It doesn’t say I love you, and that’s sad, because when I ignore you, that’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you.

I once tried to shave my mustache off with a toothbrush. Just one example of my skills as a lover.

The woman I love rolled through town yesterday, and she didn’t even stop her wheelchair once as she passed through. I got so angry I had to walk it off.

If a friend starts behaving silly because you bother him so much, don’t worry, you’re not the first person, he has got a sting in his stomach, an hunger that causes an epidemic hatred.

I’m a voracious reader, and I like to explore all sorts of writing without prejudice and without paying any attention to labels, conventions or silly critical fads.

My mustache can be your toothbrush for the one-time low cost of $1.23. Each mustoothbrush is made from 100% recycled material.

If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.

Love is like a tall tree standing next to a midget. Well, it was like that, before it just walked away, leaving the midget just standing there, looking taller than normal.

Underwater nobody can dance. Let this be a lesson in basket weaving. And love.