I love love, I hate hate, and I’m indifferent about indifference.

I like you, and I, like you, love me.

We ate soup in the pouring rain. I said I liked it, even though it was a bit too watery for my taste. Then we made love like two rainbows sizzling in a pan like...

I farted like a pack of crying onions. That was my response to her I love you.

I’ve been in silly movies and romantic movies and historic movies.

No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.

There are only a few things that are more entertaining than watching a cat trying to run across a freshly waxed wood floor after a ball.

I always wear roller skates when I ride my bicycle. The more wheels the better, and that’s what makes me a better lover. You know you want to go for a spin. I’ll bring the...

I don’t want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.

My two legs are like one pretzel when I sit on the floor. If only love were so intertwined.

I knew we were destined to be lovers from the moment she tied me up and stuffed me in the trunk of her car.

I often confuse fog and mist. But one is not the other any more than either are either. Let this be a lesson in love.

I’d lick the water out of your bathtub, just to prove I love you—and that I’m not a cat.

If life has taught me anything, it’s that no matter what you should do, you should love. Even if you’re in the process of murdering someone, possibly a politician, your heart should be filled with...

Vanessa Sky Ellis scours the streets of NYC looking for celebrities to take selfies with, while I scrounge up quarters to try to buy love out of vending machines. I have had sex with more...

Look!” Mr. Poe said, who was still too far to help but close enough to see. “Genghis has an eye tattoo, like Count Olaf! In fact, I think he IS Count Olaf!””Of course he is!”...

Edwin’s creations landed hit or miss on the board and one miss a year ago ended with us heaving overboard for a week. Fortifying meal solutions, my ass.

There is something beautiful about watching two people lovingly act silly together; behaving as though no one else existed.

Ok.. So are you goin’a let him bluetube your tweeter?

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.

What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He’s a loser—that’s why he’s number two.

I belong, and my penis, it be long.

The Sweater Song.” Cats find that song very cleansing.

We made love like steam meets mist. My memory is foggy, but I know I inhaled her essence like smoke.

In my dreams, my spare penis was decomposing in my closet, and to me it was a symbol of our love.

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I chickened out, like a beef taco. The crunchy kind, not the soft shell.

I just yawned. Now that is exciting. Almost as thrilling as making love to me thirty minutes after I’ve fallen asleep.

I dare us to give up – maybe we’ll reach nirvana by the time we’re sixty.

I think he fucked me stupid”- McKenzie Matthews- Being Beckett’s

Joke ’em if they can’t take a fuck.

It’s always funny that you can try and try again to steal all your critics’ ammo, predict their responses, but no matter what, they’ll still have a water gun stashed somewhere.

I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, “Wait until we’re finished eating.

Let’s make love in the library—in the romance section.

I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover.

You’re late.” I stopped, my jaw open and slack, because I knew she was right. I was late—but for what? I was late for love.

The Mile High City has mile-high expectations. That’s 5,280 feet, you know. That’s five millipedes and 2.8 centipedes for all you lovers out there.

Liquid kittens would be drinkable cuddles. You wouldn’t ever be thirsty for love.

My girlfriend and I are close. She’s like a brother to me. My brother is also dating her. We make love like mannequins and mashed potatoes, despite the fact that I’m single and an only...

Just remember, we’re all in this alone.

How crazy it would be if the moon did spin and the earth stood still and the sun went dim!How absolutely ludicrous if snakes could walk and kids could fly and mimes did talk!How silly...

Anyone else find it funny that Bernie Madoff’s last name is a homophone of ‘made-off’?

I guess I just grew up thinking that when we become adults, we get to do what we love. For work, for fun, forever. I don’t know where I got that from. Seems silly now.

Don’t be silly. We’ve already met. What, do you think I’d marry a stranger?

The best part about falling in love with a slab of meatloaf is now I get to use my ketchup-dispensing backpack when making love.

real” relationship?

eccentric.” Let this be a lesson in love.

Ah, you shouldn’t have!” I love a box full of emptiness.

From across the bar, I saw her see me seeing her see me, and I knew that she knew, and with all this knowledge and vision I figured it must be love. But I could...

To a man, I love you means please keep feeding me. To a woman, it means she was talking to a new pair of shoes.

You can’t make silly people stay away from you; all you can do is staying away from them.