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Silly  Quotes
I keep my love for her in the ashtray, along with the other stuff she burnt.

—Jarod Kintz

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A bear trap eats, but does not drink. My love, however, drinks, but does not eat.

—Jarod Kintz

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I drank my lava lamp to get the party started. Later on I made love like a volcano, while I watched TV alone.

—Jarod Kintz

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I was short staffed. But that’s what happens when all your employees are midgets. I make love like spicy rice.

—Jarod Kintz

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I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success.

—Jarod Kintz

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I begin to feel this tension when things that doesn’t worth attention are the things that attracts attention

—Michael Bassey Johnson

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Ragging at its most harmless is embarrassing and silly, but at its worst, it attempts to prevent individual students from independent thinking, attempts, in fact, to eradicate freewill

—Debalina Haldar

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I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?

—Jarod Kintz

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Being silly is still allowed, not excluded by adulthood. What’s excluded by adulthood is thoughtlessness, so be thoughtful and silly

—Hank Green

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Salsa music is best when chewing on nachos. I’m a spicy lover. Taste me and see.

—Jarod Kintz

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There’s no room for love in my life. My car trunk is already full of groceries, a spare tire, and two kidnap victims.

—Jarod Kintz

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I think I found the love of my life. Boy, I’m glad I cleaned out my fish tank.

—Jarod Kintz

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When I’m old and I brush my teeth and her dentures, I’ll smile because that is love—and that is disgusting.

—Jarod Kintz

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Love is something you must work at. And if you can’t work at it, don’t expect the government to subsidize you. At least not until the Central Bank figures out how to counterfeit emotions.

—Jarod Kintz

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My albino elbow bends like a bow and arrow shoots shoots, roots, and bearded forest creatures. Love me now, before I remove my undergrowth.

—Jarod Kintz

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Well, Nero,” Genghis said, “I just wanted to give you this rose-a small gift of congratulations for the wonderful concert you gave us last night!””Oh, thank you,” Nero said, taking the rose out of Genghis’s...

—Lemony Snicket

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Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!

—Kenneth Williams

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Investing is a business where you can look very silly for a long period of time before you are proven right.

—Bill Ackman

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I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22

—Jarod Kintz

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My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time.

—Jarod Kintz

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With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?

—Jarod Kintz

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I measured the length of my hand today, and just as I thought, it’s exactly as long as my other hand. I was so excited I started clapping.

—Jarod Kintz

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I’ll write The Art Of Love, which will be tactical, like The Art Of War.

—Jarod Kintz

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I didn’t have time to grow out a beard, so I glued a wig on instead. I make love like a hare in a tortoise shell.

—Jarod Kintz

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I won’t die for my love—but I will live for her, which is much harder and more impactful.

—Jarod Kintz

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People are temporary, but love is eternal.

—Jarod Kintz

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I welcome all You’re Welcomes with open arms and open zippers. My love for her is sandwiched between two slices of Thank You.

—Jarod Kintz

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Edwin, you’re turning this infirmary into a speakeasy.

—Katherine McIntyre

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She laughed and said how silly we were to not accept life for what it was, difficult.

—Pepper Phillips

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Stupid fate, you suck ass.

—Cassie Graham

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Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate.

—Jarod Kintz

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Just a few questions for you, Mr. Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends in these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?

—Derek Landy

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I eat soup with chopsticks—and straws. And I make love with the surgical precision of a sledgehammer.

—Jarod Kintz

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A monster’s not a monster to another monster. At least that’s what I thought when I saw my mother-in-law talking to a statue of Stalin.

—Jarod Kintz

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When the sky is blue, I think of her. When the sky is gray, I think of her. When the sky is black, I think of her. But when the sky is orange, I think...

—Jarod Kintz

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Advice about love: When the green grape turns red, it’s time to separate the socks from the mittens.

—Jarod Kintz

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I’d rather have a horse in a glass, because I’ll be just down the hall if you need me. My affection is fluid, so why won’t you let me love you?

—Jarod Kintz

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I took some of the price off, and she took some of her clothes off. She made love and I made money.

—Jarod Kintz

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I tried doing the head-bang they were doing and banged my head with the table several times before I understood that I shouldn’t be doing that.

—Kirian Camellia

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These are the words of a fool: I am happy to be a fool, for i won’t spend my time gazing at lines difficult to decipher, while my mates are drinking with glee.

—Michael Bassey Johnson

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Thought for the day: Twitter…140 character limit…must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers…

—E.A. Bucchianeri

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If you try to buy my body, I’ll sell you my shadow. My shadow would make a great day laborer, because it’s solar powered.

—Jarod Kintz

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I’m not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You’re as old as you feel.

—Henri Frederic

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She wasn’t much for words, but she told me she loved me in other ways, like showing me her main superpower—invisibility. I often wouldn’t see her for weeks straight, and for her to show me...

—Jarod Kintz

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Yesterday I shat rainbows until my anus started bleeding from a unicorn’s horn. Ah, the joys of being in love.

—Jarod Kintz

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I love you” isn’t romantic. Still, I get credit for rowing, right?

—Jarod Kintz

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Holding hands with your lover is special, especially when that hand is plastic, and that lover is a mannequin.

—Jarod Kintz

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I loved her like the sun raining down on my skin. It was all so confusing, because was it raining or was it sunny? The answer is that love is always both, and that’s why...

—Jarod Kintz

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Why donate to a sperm bank when you can deposit it directly in different women? When you love the world you try to seed it, like a porn farmer.

—Jarod Kintz

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If the Baudelaire orphans had been stalks of celery, they would not have been small children in great distress, and if they had been lucky, Carmelita Spats would have not approached their table at this...

—Lemony Snicket

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