I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive.

I don’t want to admit it, but I do enjoy the feedback from the audience. It’s instant feedback. It’s like, you could do a movie, shoot it for a year, wait six months, it comes...

I’m on so late I’m definitely the last seconds of anyone’s attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, ‘That’s funny,’ then fall asleep.

Ben: You’re gonna get arrested. Lindsey Meeks: You can’t sell your tickets! Ben: That’s why you ran across the whole field?… Wait, you’ve got to tell me – was it spongy?

I never sing in the shower. It’s very dangerous.

I can watch an episode of Jerry Seinfeld, and by the end, I’m just walking around my house, you know, talking like Jerry Seinfeld. ‘What is that? What are you doing? Who is it? What’s...

Everyone looks so much better when they smile.

People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn’t the most popular kid. I wasn’t the nerdiest kid. I was kind of in the middle.

Politics is pop. Our job as comedians – especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience – is to amplify what we think America is thinking.

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

My wife and I got engaged in New Hampshire at this lake house that her family’s had forever, and it’s on Lake Winnipesaukee. And so we went there every summer as we were dating.

I didn’t act like I was there. I just got into the story.

Thank you… adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way to say, ‘Hi, I’m over 80 years old.’

Thank you… fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would’ve happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia.

I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was good at it. Then, I started meeting girls and I’m like ‘You know, maybe...

‘Moldova: Yes or No?’ That’s a great app, and we actually used the geo-locator on your phone, so if you are in Moldova, it will say ‘Yes, you’re in Moldova.’ I’m so excited. People need...

I’m going to North Pole to help out Santa this year.

Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn’t get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, ‘Thank you?’

I like to see people laugh who are normally serious.

The fans were so psyched that someone was doing a movie about a Boston fan that they were giving their all.

I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on ‘Saturday Night Live.’ If...

We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you’re a pretty good fan. You don’t have to win everything to be a fan of something.

On ‘Late Night,’ it’s like we’re all in on the joke. That’s what I wanted it to be. I’m not doing something sneaky. Inside jokes, I don’t like those. We can all ride together, and...

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

Thank you… ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta,’ for demonstrating a universal truth: Idiots like me will always watch idiots like you fight on TV. You will forever be in my TiVo.

Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.

I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle.

L.A., it’s nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps.

I don’t even read the papers. I read ‘USA Today’ because it has color photos.

Thank you… preseason football, for having all the excitement, commercials, and time-outs of the regular season, but with none of the mattering. I appreciate it. Thank you.

If you’re a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don’t have a choice.

Thank you… Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it’s just like the iPhone except it can’t make calls. So basically, it’s just like the iPhone.

You only think of the best comeback when you leave.

I sing in the car if I’m in LA, because you’re like soundproofed.

I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, ‘I’m just tired of the snarky right now. I just want to lie down and have somebody make...

I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.

The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay for the scene, and 37,000 people stayed.

Don’t keep reaching for the stars because you’ll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

We had the guys from X Men 2 do the cameras. They had a 360 camera that would go from one car, up in the air and over to another car in a continuous shot...

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie.

I don’t like to kick people when they’re down. I like to kick people when they’re up.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

If people want to see you, they’ll find you. If they don’t see you on TV, they’ll find you on the Internet.

Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.

Thank you… fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

When I was a kid, you would tune in to ‘The Tonight Show’ before you went to sleep. Johnny Carson. A big treat. I know it’s a privilege of mine to be able to be...

I just really don’t like being the center of attention that much. It’s kind of ironic.

I like doing energetic things.

I’d be nothing without my wife. She’s the coolest. She’s the greatest. She is the smartest. She’s the funniest. I love her so much. She’s like the – it’s like your best friend for the...

In New York, there are so many potholes, they’re like craters on the moon. That’s another traffic thing.