Your unborn children cry in your testicles. I can hear them when you masturbate. Your mother loves me more than she loves you.

Never dance in a puddle when there’s a hole in your shoe (it’s always best to take your shoes off first).

Awesome ends with me; but Ugly starts with u…

No, that flapping isn’t all the pigeons in the park zeroing in on some spilled popcorn!That antediluvian (old and prehistoric) scream that’s numbing your brain isn’t a subway on a curve!No, it’s the one and...

Some things are so silly they have a certain brilliance to them. Other things, set as standards for brilliance and therefore exalted by many who don’t know why, become tarnished because of it.

Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime.

A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you.

Dad.” (By the way, Bob is NOT my dad).

I eat toast and ice—because bread and water just aren’t enough for me. I’m also an insatiable lover.

I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love.

If you make a nickel a second, you can’t afford to pick up a penny off the ground. It’s the same with love.

I asked what year the car was that was sitting in the driveway, but what I meant was how long had it been parked there. If it’s been there since 1982, I’ve been in love...

I have the lips of a lisp, and I kiss like kith. It sounds silly, but it feels more romantic.

Chapter 1:I suggest you icksnay on the artalecsmay.

Often the inspiration to write music comes from the voices in your head. You’re not crazy. Just be thankful they are not making you rescue people in 20-degree weather at 2:30 in the morning in...

Get him now?” Duncan asked. He looked at the sword in his hand. Unsure of what he should do, he tossed the weapon at the giant. The sword flipped through the air a couple of...

I think about her sometimes, and wonder what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with. I suppose I could just stalk her Facebook page like a normal person, but that doesn’t seem as romantic...

I rolled up to his house, rolled up my sleeves, ate a Fruit Roll-Up, and left. Ah, but that’s life, no?

Our love was soggy, like the biscuits I forgot to take out of the bathtub.

My love is in the shape of a car, and when it hits you you’ll notice.

Love in a box. It’s a gift—for both of us, from both of us.

When one is two, it is love, and one plus one equals three.

I’ve been to a horse farm, a magical place where jockeys grow on trees. That’s where we made love for the first time like it was the second time.

I invented a Love Machine. You should buy two, one as a backup—or to run both simultaneously while you masturbate.

‘Have fun’ is my message. Be silly. You’re allowed to be silly. There’s nothing wrong with it.

Jules could have sworn there was a devilish glint in the shopkeepers eye. ‘I find today I am in need of a bonnet.’Mr. Postlethwaite was silent. And then his eyes crept toward the marquess’s hairline.’It...

I don’t recall either of you asking me, you know I’m a lady and I need to be asked and agree to it.

It all began with a bucket of eggs.

Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.

Have you ever been at a point that you don’t know what to say? But yet you came up with this crazy idea to type this.

Love is a four-letter word. So is glue, only it isn’t as sticky. And I must admit, I still eat it all the time.

I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer.

Empty pockets full of empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I have for her. My heart burns with desire. My mouth also burns.

Last Sunday it was cloudy, and I thought, Who named this day? Then I thought, Why is there no Loveday? Naturally, It would follow Jarodday.

I pee in the sink, so I can save time by washing my hands at the same time that I am urinating. I’ll bet you’re wondering where my favorite place to make love is.

What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love.

…, and sometimes there’s just no point in arguing with him. “Yeah, okay ‘me, Jeff, and Evan, sitting in a tree…'”Chris claps his hands triumphantly. “That’s right, baby!” Than a more serious expression comes across...

Nationalism is a silly cock crowing on his own dunghill.

One does silly things when one is twelve.

They arrived home again to a most peculiar sight. The small garden at the front of the Banana House had been transformed. A tidal wave of cushions, beanbags, quilts, hearth rugs, and sleeping bags appeared...

Blood may be thicker than water, but it’s certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.

I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love.

This cheese is floppy!”- Erica Hung

I knitted a sweater to look like a swimming bird, and pretty soon the whole world looked like it tasted like duck soup. My love is coffee-shaped and without chug.

When love knocked at my door, I prayed to God and thanked Him for letting me live in a Porta-potty.

My car would look better with a mustache for a bumper. Then pedestrians would know that I am a superior lover, just before I hit on them.

I want her when she doesn’t want me, and I don’t want her when she wants me. Now that’s love in the 21st century!

…He was irritable with Orr, who had found two crab apples somewhere and walked with them in his cheeks until Yossarian spied them there and made him take them out. Then Orr found two horse...

I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice-cream cone the ice cream part falls off the cone and lands in Australia.

Smartass Disciple: Three years! I’ve listened you preaching just for this silly truth?Master of Stupidity: Who said I was preaching? Who said anything about the truth?