He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

Many moral advances have taken the form of a shift in sensibilities that made an action seem more ridiculous than sinful, such as dueling, bullfighting, and jingoistic war. And many effective social critics, such as...

Mass shootings are all part of a vast Left-wing conspiracy to undermine the 2nd Amendment and deprive your 6-year-old of his God-given right to bring a Bushmaster to class for “show and tell” … The...

Never so sure our rapture to createAs when it touch’d the brink of all we hate.

Makepeace.” As the quote shows, he disliked those who would not.

People keep making excuses, that’s why everthing happens for a reason.

He’s big as a fuckin’ house so I imagine it might be a bit of a problem.” The New Jersey accent that was still there after more than fifteen years in the south, resurfaced in...

I hope Marcus (giggle) is there. Maybe he can defeat the evil Cullens with his mighty battle cry, “I can see relationships!!!

Olga was better, in the sun, where he could see every pore in her skin. Get closer. Feel her next to him. It was all he wanted in the world. It was the last thing...

Attend to your Configuration.

Satire is enjoyable compensation for being forced to think.

Hell was full so i came BACK …….

…I could feel her burrowing into my heart. I didn’t know if the burrowing was like a kitten cuddling up to its mother or if it was like a chigger depositing its larvae underneath the...

,Qué otra cosa podía esperarse de los jóvenes universitarios en aquel entonces si hasta los que decían servir a la verdadera causa cultural y democrática del país eran hombres que arrastrarían su adolescencia mítica hasta...

You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain’t long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living.

Here you will meet singular side-whiskers, tucked with extraordinary and amazing art under the necktie, velvety whiskers, satiny whiskers, black as sable or coal, but, alas, belonging only to the foreign office. Providence has denied...

I was just trying to demonstrate to the students of Rowland University that Rowland University was not infinite. It had taken me a long time to figure out what the problem was, but one day...

All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don’t want to know what causes dew.

St John had always been a fan of the RS Turbo, mainly due to the colour coded rear spoiler and air vents in the bonnet, which distinguished it from the more common and less powerful...

High Maintenance; I don’t like to live in place that snows a lot, albeit I’d love to visit one. I won’t marry a super model, albeit date one.

(About a cookbook…)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor…but they ends up Tarts.

He was too smitten by his second wife and the sons she produced easily and regularly at eighteen-month intervals to bother too much about a daughter.

An Ass put on a Lion’s skin and wentAbout the foreset with much merriment,Scaring the foolish beasts by brooks and rocks,Till at last he tried to scare the Fox. But Reynard, hearing from beneath the...

This was all splendid stuff for Luciaphils; it was amazing how at a first glance she recognised everybody. The gallery, too, was full of dears and darlings of a few weeks’ standing, and she completed...

What do writers look like?

During the Cold War of the 1950s, American spies were issued eyeglasses with thick, clunky frames. If captured, they were trained to casually chew the curved earpieces, where fatal doses of cyanide were cast inside...

They who suspect a Mephistophiles, or sneering, satirical devil, under all, have not learned the secret of true humor, which sympathizes with gods themselves, in view of their grotesque, half-finished creatures.

Oh, so do I. I remember George as always that kind of guy, he had your back, whenever you’d think to watch your back, you’d find him somewhere around there, ready for action with that...

His joy was a release of Paul’s conversion, not the heavy backslapping practical-joking humor of the Victorians, nor the cynical satire or the flippancy of the twenty first century mass media, just the gift of...

Perhaps the god who had made the Cat People intended them as a joke. They had schools, but no education; politicians but no government; people, but no personal integrity; faces, but no concept of face....

Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t straight

Murder is only killing in the wrong place.

Elane scan the room and takeing in the white antiseptec decor of Buzzfeed office in Soho. Her eyes land on a wall decoratien, a glareing yellow butten about the size of a parasol. It read...

We were putting into these gomers our fear of death, but who knew if they feared death? Perhaps they welcomed death like a dear long-lost cousin, grown old but still known, coming to visit, relieving...

Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He’s currently working on a method for categorising ducks based on their singing voice. He’s...

We pay people and reward them for greed and sleaze . When a sex tape gets made a star is born with a publicity agent on speed dial a six figure pay cheque and a...

When asked, “Why do you always wear black?”, he said, “I am mourning for my life.

I’m sorry to disturb you, madam,’ said Nurse, ‘but I thought I’d better speak to you. It’s about Miss Delia’s knickers’ she continued, after a glance at the Vicar and a rapid decision that his...

She’s been, but she’s coming back,” he said. “I expect her every minute. Ah! there she is.”This was rather stupid of Stephen. He ought to have guessed that Lucia’s second appearance was officially intended to...

Trying to be offensive for the sole purpose of being offensive should always deem one the least offensive of offenders.

We,Seth, Emperor of Azania, Chief of the Chiefs of Sakuyu, Lord of Wanda and Tyrant of the Seas, Bachelor of the Arts of Oxford University, being in this the twenty-fourth year of our life, summoned...

Though firm, we are never too firm, though we love fun, we never have fun in a silly way that makes us appear ridiculous, unless that is our intent.

Satirize wickedness if you must–but pity weakness.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed,...

You didn’t make her sue you, even if you did punch her at that wedding.

I tossed my shoulders and swaggered away, whistling with pleasure. In the gutter I saw a long cigaret butt. I picked it up without shame, lit it as I stood with one foot in the...

General assumptions often lead to erroneous conclusions, but one cannot go far wrong in always assuming that whatever one’s government is saying is a lie.

I have considered the impudent accusations of Mr Dawkins with exasperation at his lack of serious scholarship. He has apparently not read the detailed discourses of Count Roderigo of Seville on the exquisite and exotic...

By the standards of a tourist strolling past looking for a quick lunch, the place was a dive. The sign on the window was small and easy to miss, and the antique feel of the...

Since my trips to Earth, I’ve only managed to assemble a few basics facts about humans, condensing them in to four, overall points: kids got Reese’s, teens got recess, adults got recessions, and seniors got...