Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether they will suffer or make merry, laugh or shed tears. But in real life it is different. Most...

Ah, dear Reader, is there a married man living who hasn’t purged his drawers and closets of premarital memorabilia, only to have one more incriminating relic from yester-life rear its lovely head? Kristy contends that...

Life’s a crapshoot, Sam. At least you filled the cheap seats.

Your toaster’s a puff.

you may be right. But, no. It would seem as if I were lending support to what ought never to have been published in the first place.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

I can fly around the world in one night. I can wink and go up a chimney in a split second. I can be in 500 shopping malls on the same weekend. I can even...

When the conversation turns too quickly to films,I see it as a sign of weakness.

Jesus Loves the Little Children.” In fear of being struck by lightning or being involved in a massive pile-up car accident after leaving, their laughing ceased. I still thought it was funny.

The world is an asylum where the inmates keep the warders in their place.

Eli Willard just looked at her for a long moment, and then he announced, ‘Lady of the Lake strikes iceberg in mid-Atlantic; 215 drown. New York City fire destroys 700 buildings. Japanese earthquake kills 12,000....

You have a faculty for defining the simplest in terms of the grandiose, so that a poor devil like me can’t understand it.

The misnomer is that satirists are pessimists, or even misanthropes, but usually it is just a way to unlock human potential.

Grabbing someone’s ass doesn’t count as capturing them!

[…] with the protecting sky in all its splendour and the golden sun blazing forth against a backdrop of crystalline blue, to use the inspired words of a television reporter[…].

The universe seems to be a lot like a car or a computer, in that it’s designed to be user-friendly, which doesn’t necessarily require the user to have a clue what’s going on under the...

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

Well-lit streets discourage sin, but don’t overdo it.

Does it not whet your appetite for the critical opera omnia of such an author, where he will freely have at the lenth and breath of Scripture? Can you not see his promised land flowing...

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

La realidad es un crimen, para ocultar uno mucho mayor.

Theatres are curious places, magician’s trick-boxes where the golden memories of dramtic triumphs linger like nostalgic ghosts, and where the unexplainable, the fantastic, the tragic, the comic and the absurd are routine occurences on and...

But this bus was a bit too full. The driver only appeared to control the glass and metal around him. In reality, he was at the nose of a travelling paroxysm.

Yes. They are the words that finally turned me into the hermit I have now become. It was quite sudden. I saw them, and I knew what I had to do.”The sign read:”Hold stick near...

Uh, excuse me, sir, I, uh, don’t known how to uh, to uh, tell you this, but you were three minutes late. The schedule is a little, uh, bit off.”He grinned sheepishly.”That’s ridiculous!” murmured the...

The chairs – turned towards one another in groups of twos and threes – seemed like the seats of ghosts in close conversation with one another. There were sets of two chairs – very close...

…in the worst of circumstances, the hypocrite who pretends to be good does less harm than the public sinner.

Warum wollen sie unbedingt, dass ich den Auftrag storniere?’ Der Mann klingt auf einmal misstrauisch. ‘Seid ihr überbucht?”Ich will Ihnen nur helfen. Wirklich, unsere Kurse sind grottenschlecht. Es ist immer die gleiche Teamwork-Botschaft, nur unter...

When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.

At my lowest point, when things were at their most desperate and uncomfortable, I always found myself in the company of Australians, who were like a reminder that I’d touched bottom.

Ah, Sir, a novel is a mirror carried along a high road. At one moment it reflects to your vision the azure skies, at another the mire of the puddles at your feet. And the...

Beneath the skin of everything is something nobody can know.

Beetroot Cossins had moved to Kuala Lumpur where she had died of lethargy and pie.

Man is an artifact designed for space travel. He is not designed to remain in his present biologic state any more than a tadpole is designed to remain a tadpole.

The past is an educational toy for the present. It should be discarded the moment its usefulness is outgrown.

pwede nga ring yung TV ang may sumpa. dahil ang TV, para ring drugs, pero ligal. isipin mo, bakit isa ito sa mga unang-unang ipinupundar ng mga Pilipino kahit gaano sila kahirap? kasi malaking tulong...

I suppose that I found out two more constituents of the eternal engine: folly and curiosity.

Miss Mackintosh waved her arms wildly.”Oh, please stop, and let me guess,” she cried. “I shall go crazy with joy if I’m right. It was an old Peerage, and so she found that Lady Deal...

By educating me at home, my parents were able to give me individualized attention without the usual distractions that kids in regular school experience, like dating and friendship. Not to mention that traditional school can...

We drove 22 miles into the country around Farmington. There were meadows and apple orchards. White fences trailed through the rolling fields. Soon the sign started appearing. THE MOST PHOTOGRAPHED BARN IN AMERICA. We counted...

I’ve always felt I deserved a wider audience, so thank you for reading this.

Provided that nothing like useful knowledge could be gained from them, provided they were all story and no reflection, she had never any objection to books at all.

I suppose that in no educational institution can one become an educated person.

No quality imparts apparent strength to its possessors more effectively than faith. From hospital beds to battlefields, it is the iron that strengthens a man to confront his destiny.

What is the secret of life?’ I asked.‘I forget,’ said Sandra.‘Protein,’ the bartender declared. ‘They found something out about protein.‘‘Yeah,’ said Sandra, ‘that’s it.

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman

My new story collection won’t please everyone, nor was it meant to. Then again, not everybody lives in my world. If they did, I’d have to move out and find another world to write about.

My only regret is that I don’t have more to regret.

…his knees were held together by the skin-tight trousers, which consequently narrowed the aperture through which great quantities of malodorous, rancid dreck were shortly to emerge with great force. St John knew that this was...

Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.