You wanna know why the world is f**ked? This is why, this is exactly why…right here. Get a pen, write this down, this is important…The world is f**ked up because I eat WonderBread preserved with...

Like vampires and extremely rich people, black folk can sense one another. Use your Spidey Sense (Blacky Sense?). Use your blackdar to inspect the workplace for signs of Other Negroes. They may be working security...

Even ivory towers need central heating.

We just move on, don’t we, with traitors still amongst us? But there was one thought that wouldn’t go away. If I loved him, I would forgive him.

You’re hopeless dumbif you blindly tweet rumours and get ripped on-line.

Windmill or no windmill, he said, life would go on as it had always gone on–that is, badly.

Sophia shrieked and fainted on the ground – I screamed and instantly ran mad. We remained thus mutually deprived of our senses, some minutes, and on regaining them were deprived of them again. For an...

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Weil ich sage: Deutschland den Deutschen und den brauchbaren Ausländern? Deshalb bin ich schon ein Rassist?’Er wendet sich an mich. ‘Sie als Deutscher, denken Sie dasselbe über mich?”Äh. Nein’, sage ich. ‘Für mich sind Sie...

The Money River, where the wealth of the nation flows. We were born on the banks of it-and so were most of the mediocre people we grew up with, went to private schools with, sailed...

I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

Boggle with sex addicts is up there with go-kart racing with junkies.

Don’t let your girlfriend cut your hair!

Had the facial plumage been of a paler hue it would have looked like a pile of horse crap on a winter’s day.

Kara knew all he recognized was T and A on a string and he was nothing more than a sleazy puppeeter , so long as there were souls for sale he was ready to buy...

It takes a lot of wind to sail a leaky boat.

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

Our town was known for two things–no, three: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption.

Miss Mapp moved towards the screen.”What a delicious big screen,” she said.”Yes, but don’t go behind it, Mapp,” said Irene, “or you’ll see my model undressing.”Miss Mapp retreated from it precipitately, as from a wasp’s...

We put our flags in soil when we arrive, as if it now belongs to us and we know where we are.

The walking tour guides one through the city’s various landmarks, reciting bits of information the listener might find enlightening. I learned, for example, that in the late 1500s my little neighborhood square was a popular...

After we deal and heal…NOT A A SHRED OF EVIDENCE EXISTS THAT LIFE IS SERIOUS…..Jan Marshall

She is probably by this time as tired of me, as I am of her; but as she is too Polite and I am too civil to say so, our letters are still as frequent...

Today’s generation didn’t want to watch ancient actors reciting the same tired lines. They wanted to see themselves reflected onscreen –rude, raw, entitled. These kids needed to believe that they themselves were only one daring,...

I am fashionably unimpressed with the material world. I am moved by the beauty of aspiration, and I hope that I can elevate myself to the standards I have imposed on others.

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life.

messiah” from his mission. If the Ballister acquisition was Norm’s cross, as everyone seems to think it was, then it was Norm who chose to bear that cross. And pride that nailed him to it.

Also unfortunately, Congress is far too busy asking if baseball players are really as strong as they seem and trying to choke bankers with wads of cash to grant more funds to such trifling matters...

On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a...

Imitating someone is the mediocre way of getting humanity back to what we evolved from.