Comment, Mademoiselle? Vous appellés cela betrügen? Corriger la fortune, l’enchainer sous ses doits, etre sûr de son fait, das nenn die Deutsch betrügen? betrügen! O, was ist die deutsch Sprak für ein arm Sprak! für...

Oh, you know what bloggers are like, they write and write and write. I don’t know why, because they’re not being paid.

Never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their busted up shoes and haven’t had any money for medication for two weeks.

Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile.

The reason politics makes strange bedfellows is because they all like the same bunk.

Everybody enjoys being around him. He’s got a great sense of humor and can always make people laugh.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Tooth Fairy” Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.

Am besten cremst du sie schon hier ein”, sagte ich.”Im Freibad ist sie immer sofort im Sand und wenn sie dabei noch fettig ist, hast du ein paniertes Kind.”Er nickte. Und seufzte tief.

I mingle with my peers or no one, and since I have no peers, I mingle with no one.

I do not take advice from people who are 100 percent sure. I take advice from those that believe they are as close to sure as possible, but understand they could be completely wrong.

Vampire Wine wasn’t the problem, Kalina. It was the only solution.

So here’s my theory, and this is such crap science, I don’t have to tell you. It’s science without microscopes, blood tests, or reality.

I dinnae get people, like they all want to be watched, to be seen, like all the time. They put up their pictures online and let people they dinnae like look at them! And people...

and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s working. The world is still here.

With sunglasses, a hat, and half a pack of Band-Aids, Roger could pass as a human.

I don’t think the heavy stuff is gonna come down for quite a while!” ― Bill Murray character in Cadyshack

A table for TONIGHT should certainly have been booked years before-perhaps, it was implied, by Richard’s parents. A table for TONIGHT was impossible: if the pope, the prime minister, and the president of France arrived...

Better days are coming! They’re called Saturday and Sunday.

how to read this book” and soon. I feel that, if I bought it, I should be able to read it any way I damn well please!Nevertheless, I feel some guidelines may be useful.

ALGERNON. I really don’t see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I...

Not really a party until someone brings the surprise zombies.

Dean: If there is a greater power, why is it he can’t get you a new sweater?Jamie: Because, he’s too busy looking for your brain.

…personal torture instructor…I mean physical therapist.

God has given you the same brain, so use your own in stead of borrowing ideas from somebody else. Think about and fathom the ideas before following them.

A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I’d trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.

All I really know about you is that you’re not loyal to your girlfriends, you treat one-night stands like crap, and apparently you’ve made quite a name for yourself not only in the business world,...

You look good as a Pirate.” Erin”Ahoy, matey,” he said, laying her back against the grass. “Me cap’n’s ship needs a port.” V’ Aidan”Me cap’n’s port needs a ship.” Erin

Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones.

To-morrow I will begin,” thought Katy, as she dropped asleep that night. How often we all do so! And what a pity it is that when morning comes and to-morrow is to-day, we so frequently...

Lui Panaitescu de la vecinii orfani si neconsolati

Good humor is one of the preservatives of our peace and tranquility

I like to think I’m helping them by hating them. I’m reminding them that they aren’t God’s gift to humankind.

I didn’t want to tell him that I was so wet that Noah would have had to build an ark to avoid the flood in my pants – Moxie

Yeah ’cause throwing knives at a girk is totally Going to get her to like you. #Tobiaslogic

The thing about our choices is that after we have made them, they turn around and make us.

Citizen’s arrest,” he said. “Well, that, and Patch told me to.

What sort of funny songs?””My balls are swearing my balls are swearing I can’t keep my balls from sweating ohhh no.””How is that funny?” I asked. “As in the balls of your feet?””No, it’s like...

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

Ha!: He laughed. “Almost all of them as a kid, but most recently it was my nose…for the seventh time. And I’ve had two concussions, three broken fingers, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Even if you haven’t had the exclusivity conversation, they’re still going to be mad if they find out you’re dating someone they know and you haven’t mentioned it. It’s a dating rule.” “Well, how am...

I am rather exceptional in that regard.

I tried to blow a yellow jacket out and now it’s wearing a bow tie in its mouth.

Politicians and children have two speeds: running and asleep.

Me and Vinny are dead careful, and we only had sex once without a condom, our first time, and it’s a scientific fact that virgins can’t get pregnant. Stella told me.

I’d much rather have a brain of my own than be popular.

Holidays were invented so single women could overeat without feeling guilty.

The night before a deadline, I usually am in desperate need of a back rub. And new wrists. And candy. And little mice to secretly finish the job while I am sleeping.

Don’t let it worry you,” said Ron. “It’s me. I’m extremely famous.

To-day well, my Utopia, if ever I framed one, would be a land where the laws demanded that people should be vicious. Then one would be able to count at any rate on a little...

Well, wasn’t this a night for firsts. Sex. Arson. Pants.