So anyway, I had this nightmare in which Jack was sexy and Kayla died.

I am of a sect by myself, as far as I know.

No,I just thought I’d shoot bullets out of my nose

Jim: By the way Artie. How are you going to escape?Artie: Oh, the usual way. Guile.. cunning…trickery.Wild Wild West Season 3Night of the Arrow

Nice to meet you, Sammers. I’m Jake,” he said.

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader’s mind the dampest kind of dejection. The most famous English example...

It ain’t whatcha write, it’s the way atcha write it.

When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

We nearly had our asses handed to us in a sling by a bunny rabbit?

He has become a worm. That is what I am telling you.””I don’t suppose it would be possible,” said Henry into the silence, “to, er, step on him?

Maybe it’s just because it’s so damn cold there, … You find humor in everything, ’cause the climate’s so harsh, you have to laugh at it.

The door opened, held by the butler, and Lord Montagu swept into the room, his presence overwhelming the space. She could swear even the flowers in their vases perked up and listed in his direction....

Cheap? I could have bought a whole pig with that coin jester. -Exactly my Lord. And while some may eat a mule, no one can ride a pig.

I don’t get why prom is like a mini-wedding these days…No one should spend that kind of money for a high school dance.

Does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?””Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your...

When Uncle W. G. held out his hand to take my money, I dropped the dead mouse in his hand.

God.

You taste like summer. Did I ever mention, summer is my favorite season?

Yes. A strange name, but I like it. That’s what you will call me then. Eat’em. Thank you for this.

Her Majesty to the theatre. The performance took place on a stage erected in the courtyard, and Her Majesty closed in one part of her veranda for the use of the guests and Court ladies....

Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she’d been on. The last...

The first rule of book club – is that nobody wants to talk about book club.

No one plays Bass guitar. everyones like “Oh yeah I play guitar” strum strum

Pardon me Mam,I’m new in town, could you please show me the way to your house?

Free will always results in collateral damage.

Obstinate, headstrong girl!

Tomorrow I’ll be 24 hours longer than I am today. My love for you grows every minute, and pretty soon it will be 120 seconds tall.

I am certain an animal would sooner die of laughter than gunshot wound if I even made the attempt.

Don’t stop writing until someone pries the pen from your cold, dead hands.

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?A trifle.

How passionate have you embrace life?

Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of ‘how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck’ to make me want to stake myself.

Yes, he’s an equal opportunity asshole,” Szilard said. “And he’s aware of it, which he thinks means it’s okay.

Was denkt Er sich, Lausekerl? Will Er mit Seinem Altweibergebiss Soldat werden? Scher Er sich weg da, Er Zahnkrüppel, sonst vergess ich mich!

Wisdom of the Ages: “Forgiveness” Steroids for the Soul.

You should see the murderous stares I get on the street. Though I think that has less to do with seeing a man carrying a purse and more to do with paisley. Paisley makes everyone...

If I had not lived so long I wouldn’t be so old!

How many kids are in the Graveyard?””A bunch.””Who sends your supplies?””George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget.””How often do you receive new arrivals?””About as often as you beat your wife.

Let me introduce you. Sophie, this is Miss Eliot, from the National Childcare Agency. Miss Eliot, this is Sophie, from the ocean.

Can you imagine life without the horror genre? There would be no monsters. Only a**holes.

Yo Mama’s like a library, open to the public.

It’s a ballad, Alf, and to be honest, it’s one of the slowest songs I can think of. You’d have been better off doing a slow waltz to something with that tempo. The other factor...

By the time that adorable steak and I had become one flesh I could have taken on the whole Valmy clan singlehanded.

If you constantly make it clear that you are unwilling to budge, don’t get upset when no one is around who’s willing to give you a push.

People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.

I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.

Oh, is that what we’re supposed to be doing? Because I’ve just been drawing hearts and our initials in the dirt.” Sophie + Archer

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about these things. What (women) like is to be a man’s last romance.

I’ve admired a lot of people in my life time and some of them were actually alive.