She heard Piers give an excited little cry and someone gave an excited little cry in return, and Grace Vaughn appeared in the open doorway, laden down with garment bags.For one fleeting moment, Ellie saw...

I love you” isn’t romantic. Still, I get credit for rowing, right?

Margueritte hat einen Abschluss. Nicht ur einen popeligen Abschluss wie die mittlere Reife, die jeder Dahergelaufene hat (na ja, bis auf mich), sondern sie hat ein richtiges Studium hinter sich. So was dauert so lange,...

Instead of hip hip hooray, how about hip hip replacement? Old age should be celebrated one wobbly step at a time until the top of the stairs topples down onto the topless crowd below.

A brick could be used to soften resistance. Smash the opposition into a pulp!

The popular distinction between ‘constructive’ and ‘destructive’ criticism is a sentimentality: the mind too weak to perceive in what respects the bad fails is not strong enough to appreciate in what the good succeeds. To...

Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn’t...

My love for her is as nuanced as a Nancy, and I wish her name were Nancy so I could more effectively convey my love for her.

Did you see him eat?

My phone rang a long time, so I answered. How long? Eight feet long. My last relationship was half that long. I should be taller in love.

A brick could be used to keep yourself warm, and a blanket could be used in the construction of a house. But just like wearing your boxers on the outside of your pants, if you...

Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.

How do you feel right now?” “I hurt like hell.””You’ll feel worse tomorrow.””So?””So, better get a jump on this while you still feel…not as bad.””What kind of logic is that?” I retorted.

Because you’re a girl and when a girl says she’s fine, she’s lying.

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.

When life hands you lemons say,”Lemons? What else have you got?”- bumper sticker

There’s nothing I like better than a beautiful sunset. Except maybe a gorgeous sunrise. And a naked woman painted pink and orange floating through the sky.

Tugs used to think that everyone’s name was in the dictionary, and when she had realized it was only hers, both Tugs and Button, she felt suddenly fond and possessive of it, as if this...

We watched some of the movie. It was shocking. Sex is apparently hard labor. Various persons supported crushing weights in agonizing positions for what seemed like endless blocks of time. Exhausted men grunted and toiled...

Love is an award you win by losing—or giving it away. Trophies collect dust, but love is the ultimate prize.

As a result of these news stories, millions of people must have become aware of “niggardly,” who otherwise would never have heard it, let alone thought to use it. If this is right, and the...

Funny thing about glass. When you broke the shit up, it got pissed and bit back.

I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout.

‘Tell Suzie she’s a lucky cat.’ Have sexier words ever been spoken?

It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.

BioLogos claims there is no conflict between the theory of evolution and creationism. Huh? Here is where the creationists seem to have the intellectual advantage: they at least see the conflict. Actually, it is not...

If you’re a disheveled, easily distracted person, it’s always scary when someone asks what your plan is for the day. We don’t know our plans. Distracted people make plans “in transit.

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case of vagina elbow. It’s a condition not unlike tennis elbow, but you get it from masturbating.

I drink coffee like goats walk on tightropes. It’s fun to watch, but it sure would be easier if this monkey dressed like a cowboy would get off my back.

Always think in circles to get your ideas around

I have a map of the United States… Actual size. It says, ‘Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.’ I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live,...

I quartered a new word the other day. I didn’t just coin it, I flipped it and called in the air.

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.

I leave my door locked and unlocked. You know, for stopportunities. As a lover, I’ve been known—and unknown—to be like Zeno.

Write.” And do you know how long it takes to type with one hand while your other hand is shaking from holding a loaded Sig Sauer? Well, at least twice as long.

I had a dream about you. You listened quietly as I told my idea for an invention that could dry your hair with in minutes of getting out of the bath. After giving you my...

You know, my main goal in life is trying not to end up in a straightjacket.

I inherited my sense of passion and romance from the Romans. Specifically Nero and all the fire he possessed.

This is the problem with forever friends. They know too much.

Eventually our whole world, every culture, will explode and we’ll all just be fucking cosmic dust. We’ll all dissipate. We’ll all be nothing and everything. What’s more spiritual than that?

I never had any doubts about my abilities. I knew I could write. I just had to figure out how to eat while doing this.[Cormac McCarthy’s Venomous Fiction, New York Times, April 19, 1992]

I don’t let it color my judgment.

We’re all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.

The future seems so crowded to me. All I see is me, me, me, me, me and a million other clones of myself.

There’s no way on God’s green earth that I’m dressing up like Mr. Darcy.” Brooks stretched out on Caroline’s bed, hanging his suede wing tips off the edge and crossing his ankles. He laced his...

When reality and your dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.

I’m writing” to sleep all the time.

No,” said Simon. “I know we’re not much compared to you, but we don’t kill our friends. We try to save them. If Heaven didn’t want it that way, we ought to have been given...

I didn’t hear you complaining last night.”That’s because I wasn’t,’ she argued.’Then what’s the problem?’ he asked aggressively.’There is no problem. We had a good time and now it’s over.”Just like that?”You want flowers?

I’m different than other men in that I’m indifferent to the ins and outs of concave and convex relationships. I feel that women like that I’m like that.