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Dark-Humor  Quotes
If you believe in the eighteenth century view of the mind, you will look and act wimpy. You will think that all you need to do is give people the facts and the figures and...

—George Lakoff

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Dark-HumorDoes-It-Make-A-SoundGeorge-Lakeoff
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It’s better to be loved than feared, but if you can’t be loved, then fear will do.-Dino quoting Machiavelli

—Laurell K.

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Dark-HumorFearLove
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The Angel of Death is always a young person, or a group of young people, you’ll begin seeing them left and right soon.

—Benjamin R. Smith

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ChangeDark-HumorDeath
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You have really nice teeth,” Terry said and thought they could be excellent for his collection of human body parts.

—Jonas Eriksson

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Dark-HumorHorrorPsychopath
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I’m as lucky as a bed of oysters on cioppino night.

—Nenia Campbell

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Bad-LuckDarkDark-Humor
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RésuméRazors pain you,Rivers are damp,Acids stain you,And drugs cause cramp.Guns aren’t lawful,Nooses give,Gas smells awful.You might as well live.

—Dorothy Parker

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Dark-HumorHumorSuicide
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Well, fame is a drug and when you take it away from an addict, things can get ugly.

—Melissa Jo

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Dark-HumorReality-TvSatire
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Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it’s a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right?

—Richard Kadrey

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Dark-HumorZombies
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I glanced up at the trees too. Dead. Every one of them gray and white, needles rusted, leaves shriveled at the tips of branches. All the life sucked out of them. Not just the trees....

—Devon Monk

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Allie-BeckstromDark-HumorDevon-Monk
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Skin color doesn’t make you different,’ Melody said. ‘We’re all the same on the inside.’ ‘The only people who ever say that,’ Raymon replied, ‘are white.

—Jodi Picoult

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Dark-HumorHumorRace
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Please, please be some sex-starved nutcase who wants to kidnap me and make me your love slave, I begged silently.

—Cate Tiernan

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Dark-HumorFun
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Terry loved candlelight dinners and red wine. It was a nice contrast from work.And killing people.

—Jonas Eriksson

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Dark-HumorHorrorPsychopath
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Heart condition? That’s rich. I guess you can call a heart not beating a condition.-PJ

—Nessie Strange

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Best FriendsDark-HumorZombies
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The world had been divided into two parts that sought to annihilate each other because they both desired the same thing, namely the liberation of the oppressed, the elimination of violence, and the establishment of...

—Hermann Hesse

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ConflictDark-HumorHumanity
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Today’s generation didn’t want to watch ancient actors reciting the same tired lines. They wanted to see themselves reflected onscreen –rude, raw, entitled. These kids needed to believe that they themselves were only one daring,...

—Melissa Jo

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ActorsCelebrityDark-Humor
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In the beginning there was Logos…and God of course. And it was all extremely boring for Logos because he could never beat God at any game…

—Yannis Karatsioris

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Dark-HumorFantasyHumor
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When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn’t ruin your whole day.

—Jay Wickre

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AnxietyDark-HumorDepression
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Are you entirely sure of that knot?’ asked Morveer. ‘There is no place in the plan for a lengthy drop’.’Twenty-eight strides’, said Friendly.’What?”The drop’.A brief pause, ‘That is not helpful’.

—Joe Abercrombie

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Dark-HumorFantasy
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Things I Used to Get Hit For: Talking back. Being smart. Acting stupid. Not listening. Not answering the first time. Not doing what I’m told. Not doing it the second time I’m told. Running, jumping,...

—Bob Thurber

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Child-AbuseDark-HumorPaperboy
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He was a strange mix of Heinrich Himmler and Barney the Dinosaur.

—Jonas Eriksson

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Dark-HumorHorrorHumor
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Do you suppose cannibals eat finger food?

—Johnny Corn

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CannibalismDark-HumorDark-Humour
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However, for all his affection and loyalty towards the animal, the dog would soon be leaving him – they would both be present at a celebratory dinner when they reached the roof, he reflected with...

—J.G. Ballard

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BallardDark-HumorDark-Humour
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In the end, we all die for what we believe in… mostly because we all die.

—Nazareth Bergeron

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Dark-HumorFamily-RelationshipsHumanity
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Are we not all actors playing parts in another person’s play?

—Shannon L. Alder

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ActionActorsActress
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When it started to climb between my legs, my balls and its claws only separated by a thin blanket, I sincerely considered throwing it (the cat, not my member) out of the window.

—David Jascha

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Dark-HumorFunnyLol
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

—Mark Twain

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ChildrenDark-HumorFunny
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If you want to convince a criminal to see things your way, start by seeing things theirs.

—Aubrea Summer

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CrimeDark-HumorHumorous
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The only thing which really seemed to pay off in life, if you went by Mary Pedersen’s example, was sleeping with your superiors.

—Jonas Eriksson

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ComedyDark-HumorHumor
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I’m sorry, Sante. It’s really nice of you, but I don’t want Sofus playing with guns.”Conversation between George Hanson and SanteIn The Shadow of Sadd

—Steen Langstrup

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Ak-47CrimeDark-Humor
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Personligt kan jeg kun forestille mig én ting, der er endnu værre (end at have venner): familien. Gudskelov befinder jeg mig i den gunstige situation, at jeg ingen familie har.

—Janina Katz

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Dark-HumorFamilyFriends
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I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.

—Jess C.

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DarkDark-DivineDark-Humor
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If God lived on Earth people would stalk his Facebook page and leave nasty comments on his Pinterest site.” Then it sunk in- timing was everything and social media was the devil.

—Shannon L. Alder

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Dark-HumorGodHumor
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LIFE is like coffee — The darker it gets, the more it energizes.

—Ankita Singhal

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CoffeeDark-HumorDarkness
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It would be hilariously tragic if I avoided the rabids, avoided the sun, only to be fried to a crisp on a damn electric fence because I was too impatient.

—Julie Kagawa

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Allie-SekemotoDark-HumorHumor
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I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts...

—Laurie Notaro

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Dark-HumorDeathDogs
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Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. – Durzo Blint

—Brent Weeks

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Dark-HumorFantasy
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You are so beautiful, I could eat you,” he said.And it was true. Her smile was as intoxicating as the wine.And he could eat her.

—Jonas Eriksson

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Dark-HumorHorror-RomancePsychopath
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All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I’m being judged.

—Tom Upton

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Dark-HumorTeenYoung-Adult
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