I’ve been waiting for you,” he murmured.Aphrodite slowly walked across the balcony, as her mind raced, trying to think of the perfect thing to say in return. All of a sudden a thought came to...

His eyes danced like a teenager. “Eat anyone alive today?” her father joked.Ruby returned his wicked grin and sauntered into the living room. “Not today, but tomorrow’s another day.

Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it’s a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right?

Shall I kill her now? Shall I not even investigate, but kill her and burn her?His throat moved. Such thoughts were a hideous testimony to the world he had accepted; a world in which murder...

When she had died, his anchor was gone and the world had burned from his untethered insanity.

That’s it. New rule: no more flirting during the zombie apocalypse

The more I know about people, the more I love zombies.

Guns are not the problem. The species is the problem.

they’re kind of scary,” and now I’m vaguely disappointed that we’re not here to watch a zombie movie.

The procedure, not yet approved in the United States or in Europe, was a form of stem cell therapy.

Goons were the lowest sort of homunculi, only superior to zombies.

There was one thing no one considered, however: Australia was populated by Australians. While the rest of us were trying to adapt to a world that suddenly seemed bent on eradicating the human race, the...

People say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. It’s not. It’s eye bloody spy.

Little old laidesspeed away in their wheel chairs,frightened meals on wheels.

I’ve been itching to kill a zombie lately. Can I take the lead on this one, dad?

Okay, it’s pretty obvious what we’re doing here, people. If it’s dead – fucking KILL IT

Jane woke, stretched, and decided to kill herself. If she hadn’t found a reason to live by the end of the day she would jump from the rig. It felt good to have a plan.

Sometimes the thing one wants most is the very thing that will get him killed with an axe.

I would like my life to be a movie so I could cut to a montage.

Oh, you’re a picky sort, huh?” He laughed. “That takes balls, being choosy at a time like this.

All of Europe, as far as we knew, was gone. It might as well not be there anymore. Russia was gone. By the time you got to wondering where America went there just wasn’t any...

The man with the most guns survives the zombie apocalypse, but the man with the most books, locks the door and forgets it ever happened.

Americans worship technology. It’s an inherent trait in the national zeitgeist.

With sunglasses, a hat, and half a pack of Band-Aids, Roger could pass as a human.

It’s why I get miffed at all the dashing around in recent zombie films. It completely misses the point; transforms the threat to a straightforward physical danger from the zombies themselves, rather than our own...

Clearly our current form of medicine will bankrupt us and simultaneously keep the chemical industry the number one money-maker as physicians nurture a nation of drugged zombies.

In the darkened recesses of the Suburban, my opinion of the vampire rose considerably. There were far worse things than having to drink blood to survive. I could tolerate him, so long as he didn’t...

Then you remember that Jack–that’s his name, the mac & cheese–plays lacrosse. That’s probably where he got all those yummy muscles. You need two hands for lacrosse.A pinky? Damn, you might as well starve yourself.

It doesn’t matter what clothes you had or what shoes you had, or how cool you were, or how many Facebook friends you garnered, what will matter in the end is what weapons you had,...

This was good, except that now I had two crazed, burning zombies standing between me and the exit, plus another one that wasn’t on fire. I had not thought this plan through at all.

Nicky turned and bolted. He’d only had about a thirty foot head start and a few were closing ground on him quickly. He cursed his hundred-dollar shoes and his vanity. The shoes looked great, but...

To think that she had read the same elegiac prose he now beheld with such quiet awe made his heart sing.

If she did bitch-slap me, I’d bitch-slap her right back, but I resented the word bitch and all its familiar forms, as it was degrading to women and dogs everywhere.

I totally don’t know what to do.” He got up and started pacing. “Am I supposed to get you a present? Or maybe a card. I’m completely lost.

I’m lonely, and he can see it. Maybe everyone can see it.

We’re all guilty of saying insincere things at one point or another, if only just to make the moment not totally suck as much as it truly does.

What Hamlet suffers from is a lack of zombies. Let us say Rosencrantz and Guildenstern show up—Ho-HO! Now you’ve got something that stirs the, um, something that stirs things that are stirrable. BOOM! A pack...

It was never you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’ve regretted that decision every second since the moment I walked out. I’ve made a lot of dumbass mistakes in my...

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies “Brains,” blow its fucking head off. * If it replies “Brian,” ask it again, as you may have encountered...

Again he shook his head. The world’s gone mad, he thought. The dead walk about and I think nothing of it. The return of corpses has become trivial in import. How quickly one accepts the...

This is the truth about The Killer, ain’t it baby? You’re just a big ol’ bag of screams under all that big, bad muscle, ain’t you?

You can take that needle out of my leg now. I’d like to pull up my pants.

…and we’ll see what happens when we say Yes while this rigor mortis world screams No.

God exists. He has one wicked sense of humor, and right now he’s having a grand old time punking the planet.

The toddler started making this whine/moan noise while pawing at Tabitha. I know as a woman I’m supposed to have this innate love of babies, but the truth is, they kind of remind me of...

Everything’s better with zombies – NOT

If you don’t think they’re even the teensiest bit fascinating, then you best just stay home and let me and Darius do the fun stuff for once.

If you want to go foraging into the wilds of Canada without proper gear, you deserve what you get, even if that happens to include being attacked by an undead moose.

He IS just a normal boy.

Fuathan don’t come out until after dark. Sunlight kills them.’‘Like vampires?’‘Kind of. Very mean, sub-aquatic vampires who don’t need to drink your blood, but might do it anyway, just for fun.