I’ve never really had time for romantic relationships. I have much more important things to worry about, like saving the world from zombies.

Everyone should be comfy during the apocalypse.

It’s more useful to have someone fear you than respect you.

If I could make one wish, I wouldn’t ask for world peace. I’d wish for a real zombie apocalypse. I’ll take Romero zombies any day over this counterfeit harmony bullshit.

The pretty ones are usually unhappy. They expect everyone to be enamored of their beauty. How can a person be content when their happiness lies in someone else’s hands, ready to be crushed at any...

I like living in my head because in there, everyone is kind and innocent. Once you start integrating yourself into the world, you realize that people are nasty, mean creatures. They’re worse than zombies. People...

They all call me “Excuse me,” even though my nametag clearly says “Jordan.” It’s like people don’t actually exist while they’re working. Workers are just tools who aren’t supposed to have feelings or personalities. You...

You can’t take highways during the apocalypse, because they’ll be packed with panicky people.