And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.

And it stops the witches from goin’ to Hell, so I expect they’d be quite grateful if they understood it properly.

People should think that being a writer is cool. Even if you’re just a starving writer. Besides, most great writers were starving at one point or another. It comes with the title.

What I should have done ten years ago.” ~ Preston, A Perfect Moment

If I don’t keep this job, then my only future career-options are working in Argos, or being a prostitute,’ I say, wildly.’Maybe you could work in Argos as a prostitute,’ my mother says, merrily. She...

Wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,There’s always Pooh and Me.Whatever I do, he wants to do,”Where are you going today?” says Pooh:”Well, that’s very odd ‘cos I was too.Let’s go together,” says Pooh, says he.”Let’s...

Do you know what I think about crying? I think some people have to learn to do it. But once you learn, once you know how to really cry, there’s nothing quite like it. I...

Sometimes the only way to succeed is to fail backwards

If the colour of life turns grey turn the palette the other way

One grey hair appeared on my headI plucked it out with my hand.It answered me: “You have prevailed against me alone -What will you do when my army comes after me?”- Yehuda Halevi

What does Mrs Preston want to go abroad for?’ asked Mr Leslie.’I think her doctor wanted her to, Father,’ said Agnes.’Doctors!’ said Mr Leslie, wiping the whole of the Royal College of Physicians off the...

Heads swivel. Whispers erupt. As Kalist returns to his desk, bone cane by his side, he indulges, briefly, in horse practice, neighing lightly as he scrolls through a few mental images of busty secretary, Geiger,...

I love to pull at people’s heart strings, but I’m no Nicholas Sparks.

Right then, in a nutshell: this one hasn’t a single bone of obedient-little-wife material in her heavenly body.”Hasn’t she? Then what kind of bone does your expertise detect?’Fermin came closer, adopting a confidential tone. ‘The...

Awake,chaos:we have napped.

Time to start getting more sleep. This beautiful physique needs royal treatment.

No, she laughed.” How on earth could that be done? If you try to laugh and say ‘No’ at the same time, it sounds like neighing — yet people are perpetually doing it in novels....

Excuse me for a moment, will ye. I think I have to talk to the river,’ he said unsteadily and flopped over the side-rail.

Oh! That was poetry!” said Pippin. “Do you really mean to start before the break of day?

He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eight or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise, you know? ‘Oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought!

Hundreds of hysterical persons must confuse these phenomena with messages from the beyond and take their glory to the bishop rather than the eye doctor.

The Boss,” because that title belongs to another Bruce.

The Duchess looked at Chloe with a look that said, You had the chance to tell him, but you chose to carry on the lie.How do I know that the Duchess’s look said this? Because...

Oh Mokona, you’re such a tease! ~Fai D. Flowright

The other one was filled with loud and obnoxious tourists. Always boasting on winning a sand castle competition and seeing who could get tanned first. What a whacky bunch of people.

If you were anyone else, your nuts would be taking a long vacation, and the destination would be out of your mouth

Technically, you don’t pay me.And technically, most of what I do is “think.”I…rrr. ummm.And when you get right down to it, I’m better at it than you are.-Ennesby & Captain Tagon

Where was his knife, upon which he relied? He had cut cheese for their noonday meal, and had packed the knife away with the cheese.Aillas said: ‘Sir, before we continue with this matter, may I...

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader.

With sociology one can do anything and call it work

Without desire, one is a walking cadaver.

He had to be nice to me at the moment because he had to be surrounded by people. This was because boys like him were, essentially, pasta. Everyone thought they loved him because they had...

Marines either know how to use an iron or they get married […]. The iron is less dangerous.

Eros mumbled something.”I’m sorry?” said Aphrodite.”Whatwouldjesusdo.””What would Jesus do?” said Aphrodite. “Let me tell you something. Jesus was a very good boy. He would do exactly what his mother told him to.””But-“”Jesus was supposed to...

Laugh until you cry;never let your eyes look dryThis is not a matter of joke;this is all to provokeour sense of humourLife is its own consumer!

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

A good speech is like a miniskirt–long enough to over all the vital parts, short enough to entice and captivate listeners.

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread.

Try patting them on the back or shoulder and telling them everything is going to be fine. Lots of times when girls cry, they don’t want you to fix the problem, they just want to...

Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas.

Oh, man, she’s gonna love you,’ Max said. ‘Physically. A lot.

Ci sono divergenze di natura teologica su… Vediamo, per esempio sulla raffigurazione latina del purgatorio. – C’è qualcuno a cui frega una cippa di minchia della raffigurazione latina del purgatorio? – reagisce Dio, versandosi dell’altro...

Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

She didn’t sound overjoyed. She didn’t sound even slightly joyed.

The wild women in his lap,’ my father enthused, ‘laying their breasts on his head.’There was a moment of stunned silence. Then my mother spoke slowly, with an edge to her voice. ‘I think you...

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

Can’t you see that I’m only advising you to beg yourself not to be so dumb?

She had spears of straw and grass in her hair, not like Ophelia gone mad through contact with Hamlet’s madness, but because she had slept in some stable loft.

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how...