One year I went as a pirate, but from then on I went as a hobo. It’s a word you don’t hear anymore. Along with ‘tramp,’ it’s been replaced by ‘homeless person,’ which isn’t the...

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears – of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the...

What’s more, he was going to have a full American breakfast with bacon and eggs, none of this continental bullshit.

Sh!t. F_ck sh!t.’….’Sh!t f_ck would have also been accepted.

I like stories about supervillains. They teach children that you can accomplish great things even when the whole world is against you.

We are flawed creatures with explosive feelings that subconsciously aspire to be non-violent sociopaths.

Oh good Lord. She definitely hadn’t put on enough deodorant for this.

Taggle was absorbed in the meat pie. ‘It’s covered in BREAD,’ he huffed. ‘What fool has covered MEAT with BREAD?

The point of tantric sex was supposedly to harness sexual energy to awaken higher consciousness. It was just like yoga, but way more fun.

When you by nature subscribe to the view that everyone except yourself is a berk or a wanker, it is hard to bond with anybody in any rational common cause.

You earned it. Now, if I can just save your life twenty or thirty more times…We might actually be able to call it even.

Much slower, I turned around to see Vlad examining his fingernails, as if his hands weren’t still ablaze in the flames that had blasted the ghoul’s head off moments before.’what the hell was that?’ I...

Boredom is not black licorice, Snicket,” she said. “There’s no reason to share it with me.

I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they’re walking on

Wisdom of the Ages: “True Nobility” Comes not from thinking one is better than others-it comes from working toward the betterment of all.

Tanner: I think that I might kiss you to keep your lips busy with something other than insulting me.Ella: If you think you can do it without getting lost.

Poisons are more my thing

I once asked him why he smoked the world’s most expensive cigarette, and he told me it was because he was a man of wealth and taste, at least according to Mick Jagger.

Two kinds of people always lie about their ages: actresses and Latin American pitchers.

Anything else, Your Majesty?” “I didn’t say my prayers.” “I’ll say them for you. Our father who art in et cetera, bless all the rotten cousins and kill Jenny. Amen.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they’d still be brother and sister.

What do you mean, is that it? I just saved his career and the CIA from ruin and he calls me a perfidious ass.””What’s perfidious mean?” Ace asked from the driver’s seat.”You deceived him and...

Jack’s doctors have told him he is crazy… but, the truth is, it’s the Voices who are crazy, not him.

I didn’t do it,’ he insisted.’Then why did you run?’ Sabrina asked.’And send rabbits to eat us! I’m a seven-year-old girl,’ Daphne said. ‘Do you know how important bunny rabbits are to me?

what you knowand don’t deny thatyou don’t knowand knowing thisyou knowwhat and whyyou don’t know.Right?

I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!

She wasn’t his kind of woman, and she didn’t want to fall in love with a man who would break her heart like a Dorito.

Forget your past,Use your pain;Accept that pain,And Achieve the gain.

Ah, spite, the stuff of fairy tales.

He had a bright, reckless tenor that was always wandering off, looking for notes in the wrong places.

What’s your name?””What?” I asked, squinting at the light.”Your name.” I recognized Dr. Olendzki peering over me.”You know my name.””I want you to tell me.””Rose. Rose Hathaway.””Do you know your birthday?””Of course I do. Why...

Shall I add a man to my collection?

SNEER. But, what the deuce, is the confidante to be mad too?PUFF. To be sure she is. The confidante is always to do whatever her mistress does- weep when she weeps, smile when she smiles,...

Real life… Witches: Wiccan practitioners. Werewolves: rare strain of rabies. Zombies: Prions/Plague. Vampires: Hemophilia/Porphyria

Bast crouched down and began making weird chittering noises. Uh-oh. She was imitating birds. I’d seen enough cats do this when they were stalking. Suddenly my own obituary flashed in my head: Carter Kane, 14,...

Princess. By S. Morgenstern. It’s a kids’ classic. Tell him I’ll quiz him on it when I’m back next week and that he doesn’t have to like it or anything, but if he doesn’t, tell...

Ruric clung to me and shouted, “Your father.” Looking down below I saw my father running after us, several alarmed guards trailing him. As I watched, the High Lord’s slight demon shape began to shimmer...

Sorry, maybe this is the head injury talking, but … what?

All men are selfish, brutal and inconsiderate–and I wish I could find one.

What if my boobs decide to grow WHILE I’m at school?

Pissing out the window, and sh*tting out the window, are two different things!

Love may be on the horizon, but beware something wicked this way comes.

No matter what goals you set to accomplish always remember there is a thing known as life which you should never forget to live and enjoy.

I dont know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Berhenti ngelihatin saya seperti itu kalau kamu nggak mau mendapati diri kamu telanjang di atas tempat tidur saya dalam waktu lima detik.

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.

The other shoppers were too well behaved to stare at the green-headed stoner and the tear-streaked lady zigzagging up the aisles with a chubby bearded guy scurrying behind them picking up the things they dropped.

Listening to the Fifth Symphony of Ralph Vaughan Williams is like staring at a cow for 45 minutes.

If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur!

Like old times… wanna arm wrestle for her?