Peter and Jessie were like Romeo and Juliet. Have you ever seen that old movie? Starring Leonardo Dicaprio?

I love doing comedy. It’s a lot of fun.

The beagles are partying under Geiger’s desk.

I’m much more than a writer – I’m someone who puts different words together in an interesting way.

if you can manipulate time so this bell would hurry up and ring, I’d think it’s fabuloso.” The class snickered again, but not everyone since someone else had made a similar joke just several minutes...

I don’t really know how music and comedy are similar. I try never to dissect it theoretically or academically.

I’d love to do a comedy. I’m terrified of comedy. I don’t think I’m funny, but I guess that’s why it’s so thrilling.

Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?

It’s less lonely. Sketch comedy is much more fun than stand-up. You can still have a good time when you’re bombing in sketch comedy because at least you’re bombing with other people.

If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough.

Nice driving, ya doomed fucks!

Let them Teach,Let them learn,let them pray,for the world is theirs.

Freedom from likes and dislikes, the sudden sense of identification, the spirit of comedy.

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

I love the inpatience of New York… You ever had somebody not-ask you for directions, but demand them? You’re just innocently walking down the street, you hear a horn, all of a sudden some guy’s...

‘The David Letterman Show’ is a show of comedy.

Welcome to Temptation.

I’m not stalking her,” I insisted.”I’m making sure she’s safe. Besides, how could you stalk Lori McGillicuddy?She’d see you and come out to your truck and say, “Hi, I’m Lori. Are you my stalker? It’s...

We have had this discussion before. You are my son. I love you. I will always love you. But I also love Nell, and if you give her the chance and stop rejecting her advances,...

Prayer or not, I want to believe that, despite all evidence to the contrary, it is possible for anyone to find that one special person. That person to spend Christmas with or grow old with...

JACKYou’re quite perfect, Miss Fairfax.GWENDOLENOh! I hope I am not that. It would leave no room for developments, and I intend to develop in many directions.

All is not lost – so why the hell should it stop to ask for directions???

Power exercised under the cloak of national security is odious. But power exercised under the microkini of national security is totally hot.

My conscience is cleared.

Intelligence Community Spring Fashion Dis of the Week: ‘Suicide vest’ is a redundancy.

Scarface’ is a redundancy.

Wait, you said ‘carry-on’ items? Not ‘carrion’ items? In that case, no, I don’t have any.

From a Twitter post on why food is better than people: ‘Bagels don’t talk about you behind your back.’ … Since WHEN???

Wear your CIA badge like it’s an electric guitar and you’re a member of the Sex Pistols.

Who gets briefed is what gets briefed

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious

If we get a 3D printer at the office, the first thing I’m printing with it is a new 3D printer just for me!

I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who propagates POODLES!

It’s great extremes which leads to great drama and great comedy.

…teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He’s currently working on a method for categorising ducks based on their singing voice. He’s...

‘Movie 43’ is about the hardest R Rated comedy ever.

Your boss loves your ideas … it’s you he doesn’t care about.

The life of every individual, viewed as a whole and in general, and when only its most significant features are emphasized, is really a tragedy; but gone through in detail it has the character of...

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.

Improvisation is almost like the retarded cousin in the comedy world. We’ve been trying forever to get improvisation on TV. It’s just like stand-up. It’s best when it’s just left alone. It doesn’t translate always...

It was a comedy of mistakes to start the third quarter. We didn’t play very well and a team like Mandan takes advantage of everything.

Do I need to fire the little prat yet?” Liza Van der Bruggenziltch-Finch.

The Brit’s face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It’s a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat’s been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a...

A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.

Yes. They are the words that finally turned me into the hermit I have now become. It was quite sudden. I saw them, and I knew what I had to do.”The sign read:”Hold stick near...

Acting by yourself is pretty darn hard, especially having to do physical comedy.

Credit Repair Companies feed off your frustrations, and your funds!!! – The Credit Repair Book: The Credit Repair Company’s Secret Weapon.

The effort really to see and really to represent is no idle business in face of the constant force that makes for muddlement. The great thing is indeed that the muddled state too is one...