I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.

I have a coffee table, but I don’t like it. I think it could use some more cream and sugar. Plus, it’s entirely too liquid to be a functional piece of furniture.

All thoughts, secret or spoken, belong in a coffee table book written in Braille, so you can really feel the emotions.

I want to make a coffee table that consists of a slab of wood supported by four crutches. That way, if a guest ever comes up to me and says, “I accidentally broke one of...

If my legs get blown off in war, I’d like to have them replaced with a coffee table. Half man/half furniture, I’ll be in the living room if you need me.

I combined a unicycle with coffee table legs. You know, for balance and sexual stamina. I make love like I’m at the drive-thru, and I am, because I’m in a rush and I don’t have...

The Book of Life, I’m still writing it—both literally and literarily. So far I’ve written the Table of Contents. Right now it’s more of a coffee table.