We came around the corner and stood in the doorway of what looked like a paint-testing ground. This was where we proved once and for all that we were good loving parents. We decided to...

Oh no, praying is great, without it the thumbscrews and the Iron Maiden probably never would have been invented.

Mary,’ said her mother. ‘We don’t like sarcasm ‘ ‘You mightn’t like it,’ said Mary. ‘But I love it.

I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know she was getting into a fight with a spider sandwich.

Malachi scowled. “I don’t remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane.””They didn’t,” Magnus said. “Your wards are down.””Really?” the Consul’s voice dripped sarcasm. “I hadn’t noticed.”Magnus looked concerned. “That’s terrible. Someone...

What’s next? You want to convince me they’re making another crap Last Airbender movie?

My mind reels with sarcastic replies!

The inextinguishable lesbian spark. You’ve surely heard about it? The one that was first ignited at Lesbos, because Sappho was so sad every time a young woman left the academy that she wrote her a...

He was the hardest person to figure out I had ever met, which was saying something. I knew girls, after all….

Anything disguised as anything is chameleon. A ghost disguised as an unobservable and invisible object is a great example. Still, that’s easier to see than the love my ex wife had for me.

You started the name calling.

But the people only talked about how ugly her face looked. No one even bothered to mention what a sweet, kindhearted girl she was. Now, don’t be amazed! That is just the nature of humans,...

Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you’ve got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality...

Don’t be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.

How can she create with all your negative energy?””Yeah, man. You’re bringing us down.””This is about as low as it gets,” Ariel said. “Where did you get those ridiculous black berets?”Moth adjusted his recently donned...

He checked his parachute and launched himself into the Sea of Sarcasm.–Havana Red

So the reason I was struck again and again was because of my overwhelmingly positive energy. Funny, I’d always thought of myself as a pessimist.

Hello, Jeff,” and sat down again next to my father.

Everything’s just fucking Disney with you.

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

She’s my best friend, and I know she means well, but as she talks I’m mentally calculating all the ways I could silence her. I’m bigger than her… I wonder if I could use my...

It’s now very common to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. It’s actually nothing more… than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning;...

I need to ask, are you afraid of spiders?”Nicholas blinked, suddenly caught off guard, “Yes, I’m afraid of spiders.””Were you always?””What are you, a psychiatrist?”Pritam took a breath. He could feel Laine’s eyes on him,...

right” because I can predict crazy because I have been trained in the unpredictable nature of consistent craziness because I am crazy.

I don’t recall either of you asking me, you know I’m a lady and I need to be asked and agree to it.

You’re stubborn- anyone ever tell you that before?

Ah, sarcasm. The final refuge of the desperate.

Yeah, it’s a kodak moment. Quick, take a picture.Sarah scoffs. I stick my tongue out at her.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.”And yet it is still extremely funny.

Don’t make me climb across this desk and slap you, because I will.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don’t want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That’s why I’m constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

Say this one time with me: “Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?”… Good. Now memorize it, because starting tomorrow, the only job that you’re going to be able to get is...

I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me.

You’re about as delicate as an AK-47.

Resilience, thy name is Devine.

Be nice to people on your way up, because you’ll land on them on your way down

I could just hear my mom now, “You know those old candy cigarettes are bad for you. Next thing you know, you’ll be drinking alcohol, and they’ll find you dead in a ditch somewhere. I’ll...

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.

If you are reading this, I’m dead. Don’t celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.

Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?

We both want you dead. I’m bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting.

How does knowing ‘things could be worse’ than what I already deem is awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy!

Judging from the unfamiliar number, I assumed the text came from Shannon. If not, I would see who came by my house at 4:30 and go with it. Maybe it would be Mr. Darcy coming...

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.”They didn’t!”They did.”When?”Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

Who the hell is that?!Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.

It’s bad enough barging into Guild property, but we’ll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won’t stop at sarcasm. He might use’ – Colon swallowed – ‘irony.

What happened?” he demanded. “I heard an explosion!””Yeah.That was me. I set the boat alight.””What?””I set fire to the boat.””But we’re on the boat!””I know.

Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant

Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can’t even finish my second apple pie.

In fact,’ said Poirot, ‘she stabbed him in the dark, not realising that he was dead already, but somehow deduced that he had a watch in his pyjama pocket, took it out, put back the...