Scrawny little mundane bastard.

Breeze strolled over to the table and chose a seat with his characteristic decorum. The portly man raised his dueling cane, pointing it at Ham. ‘I see that my period of intellectual respite has come...

When the watermelons were as large as a child’s head, the women boiled them, but they collapsed into a tasteless green mush that no one could eat, not the children, not the cow.

He dragged me back – just in time. A tree had crashed down on to the side walk, just missing us. Poirot stared at it, pale and upset. “It was a near thing that! But...

The better organized the state, the duller its humanity.

His mama beat him with an ugly stick so hard, it gone straight on till his soul.

A rainy day is like a lovely gift — you can sleep late and not feel guilty.

If I had a nickel for all the times I’ve been shushed in my life? Bam! Instant millionaire!

That’s a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.

How could you not? I do have a sense of humor.

The front door swung open, and Zsadist strode into the house. Wrath glared. “Nice of you to show up, Z. Busy tonight with the females?””How about you get off my dick?

It would look pretty messed up to be a social worker and have dried kid blood as a permanent stain in your vehicle.

Children are nothing but a problem people create and then congratulate themselves on solving.

That’s funny,” and when it’s funny, a person can’t say anything because they’re too busy laughing.

Listen, I’d rather lie naked in a plowed field under an incontinent horse for a week than have to read that paragraph again!

She’s a whore. She won’t sleep with me!

Let’s keep on topic, Jett. You were going to teach me how to control my mind.

He soon acquired the forlorn look that one sees in vegetarians.

They can afford to smile because they all have teeth so dazzling if they dropped them in the snow they’d be lost forever.

Exactly. And I’m feeling proud of myself for that one, until she points to the book and says, ‘Oh, that wasn’t a question. I was just quoting a line from the poem.

I am concussed,’ I announced, entirely sure of my self-diagnosis.”You’re fine,’ Takumi said as he jogged back towards me. ”Let’s get out of here before we’re killed.””I’m sorry,’ I said. ”But I can’t get up....

It’s not a remarkable note except for one thing. The typeface Tony used to print it is the exact typeface Kubrick used for the posters and title sequences of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ and ‘2001’.’It’s Futura...

Don’t forget arrogant.

What’s with that?’ Butters screamed, his voice high and frightened. ‘Just covering his head with his arms? Didn’t he see the lawyer in the movie?

…he spent whole days and nights over his books; and thus with little sleeping and much reading his brains dried up to such a degree that he lost the use of his reason.

He never did get right all the way again. And every once in a while he’d come down all bitey.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Soylent Green” No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin’ for a Big Mac.

‎What a blight that woman is. Do you happen to know why? I lean toward a malignant fairy at her christening.

I would so rock at running amuck.

There is no god but Road Runner and Chuck Jones is his prophet.

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.

Sorry, no professionals.

Writing is a lonely pursuit. The only thing working is imagination and hands.The only difference between writing and masturbation is one is presumably intended for a mass audience.

Yep, ouch. He and apologies didn’t get along.

If you believe nothing else I say, you need to believe that every word I tell you from this point on is a complete lie

He had had a severe shock some weeks earlier, when, having narrowly failed to capture a large grey-brown hare for his dinner, it had stopped at the edge of the forest, looked at him with...

I don’t know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn’t feel any happier!!

Magnanimous of you.’His mouth twitched. ‘Mmm. Use more words like that, please. Schoolmistress words. Long, impressive ones.’ He’d made the last three words sound like an innuendo.

what’s the saying? All is donkey balls in love and war?-Dan Garrett

Go on, you’ve claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation.

Paul is a liar, he said so. (Romans 3:7.)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man”.

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn’t mean you have done something wrong, but it’s probably because you’re wearing your little brother’s underwear.

Egad, I think the interpreter is the hardest to be understood of the two!

Save yourselves!” Percy warned. “It is too late for us!” Then he gasped and pointed to the spot where Frank was hiding. “oh no! Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!” Nothing happened. “I said,”...

Hello there,” Inigo hollered when he could wait no more.The man in black glanced up and grunted.”I’ve been watching you.”The man in black nodded.”Slow going,” Inigo said.”Look, I don’t mean to be rude,” the man...

God, I’ve just figured out what’s missing – you ditched the hallowed Albermarle Teddy Bear!’ I nodded. ‘Banished to a dark cupboard for all eternity.’ ‘You cold-hearted bastard.’ ‘Give me a hot water bottle any...

She shrugged and flipped her glossy hair behind her shoulders. “What else do you have to do with your time besides think about stuff like this? It’s not like you’re real heavy into extracurriculars. Besides,...

Don’t beat yourself up,” said Charlotte. “True love can be so easily mistaken for other things-friendship, humane concern, indigestion…

There are times when every act, no matter how private or unconscious, becomes political. Whom you live with, how you wear your hair, whether you marry, whether you insist that your child take piano lessons,...