Love like you owe nothing, and pay in full.

It’s a real lightning bolt, this Science of Phrenology. I’ve found out more in the last three days than I knew in my whole life before. Mrs. Guilbert has always been a nasty one, but...

If I ever meet myself,’ said Zaphod, ‘I’ll hit myself so hard I won’t know what’s hit me.

People as a rule do mean much more than they understand.

Certain brands of guilt can be inculcated in a secular way but other brands of guilt can only be obtained with reference to the metaphysical.

What’s the good of living if you don’t try a few things?

Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re having boring, obligatory sex with your spouse, who’s as dry and exciting as...

These days. Most of us have the attention span of a meth-addicted squirrel.

Can’t stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Wretched things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I’ll tell them...

I have nothing to hide, because I have nothing. Well, I do have love for you, but I keep that openly safe in your boyfriend’s heart.

After you are here, I will try not to become one of those parents who brag incessantly about their children, who force them to recite the alphabet backward or sing the Lord’s Prayer in German...

There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn’t perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that’s not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most.

Alanna: All I know is that I’m to jump when I’m told and I have no free time.

When I was in the second grade, I used to think love was the feeling a man gets while riding a motorcycle and having a woman embrace him tightly from behind. Maybe I’m cynical now,...

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.

Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.”(Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.)

Love is like a river flowing through your heart. I’ll bring the boat, if you bring the bridge.

THOMASINA:But then the Egyptian noodle made carnal embrace with the enemy who burned the great library of Alexandria without so much as a fine for all that is overdue!

Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a...

‘Why are you yelling at the television when you know they cannot hear you?’ ‘You wouldn’t understand,’ said Asher, his gaze locked on the screen. ‘It’s a human thing.’

A blanket could be used as a duvet, in the fight against elitism.

People don’t deserve the restraint we show by not going into delirium in front of them.

I came from a broken home. My bedroom window was cracked.

“Gladys, bring me some more damn soup.” Well, maybe he wasn’t talking to me, but it was still good to hear he was a romantic.

I also don’t turn into a bat or sparkle in the sun. Hollywood’s portrayal of vampires is almost as accurate as its portrayal of prostitution in Pretty Woman.

A large proportion of mankind, like pigeons and partridges, on reaching maturity, having passed through a period of playfulness or promiscuity, establish what they hope and expect will be a permanent and fertile mating relationship....

I now warn the reader not to mock me and my mental daze. It is easy for him and me to decipher now a past destiny; but a destiny in the making is, believe me,...

From where I live now I can walk to the beach, if I have about three weeks.

Keep your head high and your skirt down.

I sent a message silently, through body language and body odor.

My mother-in-law scared the hell out of me. But it’s cool, because the stench of Satan reminds me of her anyways. Hungry? Deviled eggs anyone?

Because I can’t help doing it,” he said with a shrug. “And hey, if I keep loving you, maybe you’ll eventually crack and love me too. Hell, I’m pretty sure you’re already half in love...

Baumauer wants a life in which he cannot be belittled, judged or controlled by worse men.

It is a strange thing that the human species can only go three days without water and three weeks without food, before the body dies. Yet, so many people can go years hanging onto pain...

The bullpen in a baseball park is the best place for matador training.

I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in...

I told her I’d wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who’d give me a ride home.

I think you’re crazy good at this survival stuff, Cary.”His shoulders sag. He gives me a small, relieved smile and we start walking again, his step a little lighter than it was before. It feels...

Nobody knows what is life and still alive

You’re a fat cunt and you can’t add up to save your life.” Dimitri Pissec.

Where have all the Fembots gone?

A brick could be used as a child’s game to improve memory. I forgot how exactly, but then I never played much.

It never ceases to amaze me how adaptable social geometry can be. Within a couple of days I went from being the centre of the circle to an indefinite point outside its circumference.

Love takes courage, if you’re doing it right. Not the kind of courage a soldier has, but the kind of courage a writer has. Say, I’m a writer, and I’m a lover—therefore I must be...

My son’s name will be Sonya, like his mother, whose name will be Dadya.

That’s ridiculous.” Especially the part about Christian being manly.

No wonder Thanksgiving was my favorite—you can’t buy it, wrap it, or put it under a tree, and even the greeting card companies can’t seem to make a buck off of it. It’s just a...

Positiveness is not a god gift. Things are negative when you realize that frog inside you is not able to jump high.

He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party.