Jacksonville has pedophiles, bestiality enthusiasts, and mannequin fuckers. We also have other kinds of politicians too.

When she got back from taking Cassie to school Fancy knew that she ought to be working on her wilderness romance. She had promised thirty thousand words to her editor by tomorrow, and she had...

Artemis grit her teeth. “I need a favor. I have some hunting to do, alone. I need you to take my companions to Camp Half-Blood.” “Sure Sis!” then he raised his hands in a “stop...

An untied shoelace can be dangerous,’ he said.’I could have tripped.’She stared at him. A moment dragged by.’I’m joking,’ he said at last.She relaxed. ‘Really?”Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I’m far too graceful.

Can’t say what impresses me most about my followers – their good looks, their incredible intellects, or their immunity to cheap flattery.

I undid the wrappings with great curiosity, for Holmes did not normally give gifts. I opened the dark velvet jewller’s box and found inside a shiny new set of picklocks, a younger version of his...

Some wise guys came by my business establishment and tried to offer me neighborhood protection. They weren’t mafia, but they were wearing togas.

There was no mistaking her sincerity–it breathed in every tone of her voice. Both Marilla and Mrs. Lynde recognized its unmistakable ring. But the former understood in dismay that Anne was actually enjoying her valley...

The three now faced the moving wall. Trapped, like the last fries in a box with a hungry kid ready to pounce. They had no way to escape.

I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q.

Have a great night.” Plus, he was as blind as Helen Keller was deaf, so to him day was night.

The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.

Did we really come all that way?” She asked. “Time flies when you’re scared out of your mind.” He answered.

Your impression of me is different than my impression of me. But that’s OK, because your impression is impressionistic, like a Monet painting, while mine is realistic, like a Rembrandt.

Without the Project I was nothing but a secretary on a road to nowhere, drifting toward frosted hair and menthol addiction.

The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you.

He has a passport,” my classmates would whisper. “Quick, let’s run before he judges us!

We made love like two coiled up fire hoses. When there’s no fire in the romance, why not act like a couple of sleeping snakes?

People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn’t.

“Don’t be scared of Bambi” the demon said. “She’s only curious and maybe a little bit hungry.”The thing was named Bambi?Oh, my God, the thing stared at me like it wanted to eat me.

I am a single drop of blood trying to mix in with billions of red paint splatters in this Pollack painting called life. I think the cops are trying to frame me.

It’s a pleasure to create a smile on people’s face, and a gratification to see it on the people you love.

If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell

I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights.

I thought you were her because she wasn’t here yesterday and neither were you. What would I do without you? Probably the same thing I didn’t do yesterday—nothing.

Immortality like this is about as useful as sunscreen on a submarine.

Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything.

Snuggling is an art. And I’m no Rembrandt—I’m a cat. I am pure cuddling genius.

I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not...

They ought to make it a binding clause that if you find God you get to keep Him.

I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I’ll overhear people say things like, ‘At least he’s not a complete boob.

A half a hole is the same as a whole hole, no matter how much love you intend to bury. Love is a treasure, and to keep it safe you need to do as the...

I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.

I think that there should have been some nice wumpires,” said my sister, wistfully. “Nice, handsome, misunderstood wumpires.””There were not,” said my father.

If I knew me as somebody else, I would hate me just as much. Why have a double standard?

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me…only he’s an imbecile.

The walking tour guides one through the city’s various landmarks, reciting bits of information the listener might find enlightening. I learned, for example, that in the late 1500s my little neighborhood square was a popular...

Fish like shiny things, stupid people like shiny things, and the late Nebular Romular Ichibar IV liked shiny things. He burned to death when he flew too close to a bright star, which ironically got...

the book I was reading turned out to be crack

I believe my life has a value, and i don’t want to waste it thinking about clothing.I don’t want to think about what i will wear in the morning. Truly, can you imagine anything more...

He then bespattered the youth with abundance of that language which passes between country gentleman who embrace opposite sides of the question; with frequent applications to him to salute that part which is generally introduced...

Write drunk; edit sober.

Lampaxa Vorheridine? My Latin was never very good. What does that Translate to?” “Um, nothing. It wasn’t named by an Earth scientist. According to the database it was named by a Cheblookan aboard a frieghter...

Hugh consoled me, saying, “Don’t let it get to you. There are plenty of things you’re good at.”When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come...

I want to give the gift of life—to myself, in the form of my clone. So I’ll be giving myself myself, and I’ll be grateful—and so will I.

I thought about writing the character as male, but then I would be forced to portray him as a woman in a man’s body.

The more excited I get, the more I vibrate.””Now there’s a thought,” Lor says.”If you mean what I think you mean, you want to shut the fuck up and never think it again,” Ryodan says.

Prejudice in this country is like chapters in a book. Chapter One: Hating the Africans and Indians. Chapter Two: Don’t forget the Irish. Chapter Three: Polish jokes.”….. “Hispanics? Latinos? Whatever you call us? Maybe we’re...

So you still sorry you moved here?