Wait a minute. Wait just a hairball kakking minute.

I’ll buy you a blow-up doll. I’m sure my mate won’t mind when I explain how hard up you are.”She didn’t bother to punch him this time, just glared with promise of future retaliation. “Very...

You fuck – you ate my cat!

Cats – by day the most docile of God’s creatures, every one of them in the night enlisting under the devil’s banner – took the place by storm after the human voice had ceased.

John and I noticed that whenever we talked about our children Wystan reached for his cats.

He is quiet and small, he is blackFrom his ears to the tip of his tail;He can creep through the tiniest crackHe can walk on the narrowest rail.He can pick any card from a pack,He...

You know how cats do. They hide to die. Dogs come home.

Cats make one of the most satisfying sounds in the world: they purr. […] Almost all cats make us feel good about ourselves because they let us know they feel good about us, about themselves,...

The nature of the universe probably depends heavily on who is the actual protagonist. Lately I’ve been suspecting it’s one of my cats.

I don’t even have a dog. I tell people I’m allergic so they won’t think less of me. Instead I have a cat, the pet that ranks just above a throw pillow in terms of...

One day I was counting the cats and I absent-mindedly counted myself.

Madame Lefoux accepted a cup of tea and sat on another little settee, next to the relocated calico cat. The cat clearly believed Madame Lefoux was there to provide chin scratches. Madame Lefoux provided.

She had other friends–friends that wouldn’t leave her. She had the cats.

The house-cat is a four-legged quadruped, the legs as usual being at the corners. It is what is sometimes called a tame animal, though it feeds on mice and birds of prey. Its colours are...

Dogs are exceptionally intelligent creatures. My dog, for example, taught me that not only am I a cat person, but that it isn’t really a dog at all, but that it is in fact a...

There’s cat feces in my Batman costume, and all the lines in my screenplay were snorted by the neighborhood cokehead. Ah, but that’s life, no?

I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half...

My cat is a meow factory. Why can’t he manufacture something more profitable, like love?

My writing, it’s all I have. Well, aside from my health. And shelter, food, and clothing. Oh, and my cat.

Sometimes I kick my cat. But I’m asleep, and he sleeps at the foot of my bed. It’s not like I kick it intentionally, like it was a politician.

Most Americans, like most Japanese, view their dogs, cats, and other animal companions as family members, and rightly so.

Dogs were not loyal but servile, that cats were opportunists and traitors,

This will not be the end of the Clans. As long as I have breath in body, the Clans will be safe.

Your tummy, soft aswarm dough. I knead and knead, thenbake it with a nap.

Cats will be cats.

The only purpose of cats is that they constitute mobile decorative objects, a concept which I find intellectually interesting, but unfortunately our cats have such drooping bellies that this does not apply to them.

It is common knowledge that 87% of the problems of the world are caused by cats. No cats, no problems.”Hank the Cowdog

I went outside. Tried taking in the billions of stars above, lingering long enough to allow each point of light the chance to scratch a deep hole in the back of my retina, so that...

Elf made his way fuzzily back to the drawer, trying to think nasty thoughts about his tormentor (Mungo the dog) but he couldn’t, as he was too little and his mind was formless and without...

That’s the great secret of creativity. You treat ideas like cats: you make them follow you.

When a cat flatters … he is not insincere: you may safely take it for real kindness.

Well, how we going to sleep with that going on?” his wife demanded, not unreasonably. “Are they making love, or are they sore at each other, or are they just suffering down there?”(“I Wouldn’t Be...

She loves the smell of his fur, all warm and musky and cat-spit clean.

And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.

Cats, no less liquid than their shadows,Offer no angles to the wind.They slip, diminished, neat, through loopholesLess than themselves.

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer

Old wives’ tales have hurt cats. They’re not true! Who are those Old Wives?

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Making movies is like herding cats.

I’d like touch screens better if they were furry, like cats.

My workout partner is a cat. We nap together. He spots me a place, and keeps it warm, and then as soon as I spot him I go to him and cuddle.

Ever seen a cat with polka-dotted zebra fur? Come to my House of Love Open House this Friday night at 8:00 PM.

When she bought the cats her mother asked her straight out if they were ‘baby substitutes’. ‘No,’ Ruth had answered, straight-faced. ‘They’re kittens. If I had a baby it would be a cat substitute.

I won’t read a book whose pages have been dog-eared, because I’m more of a cat person.

If you can try to nap where someone’s sitting,Although there is another empty chair,Then rub against his ankle without quittingUntil he rises from your favorite lair;If you can whine and whimper by a portalUntil the...

I always thought I was going to end up an old spinster, with my cats and fur coats.

One was an ancient tortoiseshell cat with arthritis, who creaked around the house–but when Aunt Sibby flickered her fingers and crooned, Miminy, miminy, tall-as-a-chi-mi-ny, danced on his hind legs like a kitten.

Either you like cats or you don’t. Whole nations have been divided on what people thought of an animal that mates openly, walks in silence and keeps its own counsel.

The gym cat appears to those who will die. He is our totem.” This thought came to me a few weeks ago. I shared it with no one of course.

A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.