I had a dream about you. I was a consumer, and you were a consumed. My grocery list had 10 items on it. Items 1-9 were cat food, and the 10th item was condoms. But...

My attic is the size of a can of cat food, only filled with more meows and not as tasty. So you see, I have nowhere to store all my love but in your heart.

I’ve eaten cat food before. Of course, the menu listed it as “Chicken Lo Mein.

Don’t eat in the dark. My brand of cat food comes with a light bulb in the can.