Since my love is so foggy, I could never date a woman named Misty. Or Steve, because that’s my dad’s name, and that’d be strange.

We made love like steam meets mist. My memory is foggy, but I know I inhaled her essence like smoke.

I drink coffee like other men paint pictures of naked women. I do it because I love the full body.

I am passionate about creating, not about procreating. My love for art is greater than my love for making love.

While they had security escort me out of the building, they couldn’t forcibly remove the trophy from my anus. If love were a competition, I’d be the winner.

I called her Nebraska, because she was from Iowa. We made love like the Midwest. Well, not all of it. More like the Midwest minus Kansas, if you know what I mean.

A brick could be used to help you get used to the fact that you’ve been used. I’ve been used to, so I know what you’re going through. You’re going through a dark tunnel, and...

A brick could be used to control whole populations of people. Just get a good looking person, like a news anchor, to give it out to the masses and say soothing things with a straight...

As always, there’s a couple of things in the pipeline – but that pipeline is a strange and ambiguous place.

When we first sold the Wallace and Gromit shorts to America, people suggested we get rid of the strange British accents and put clear American voices on them, and we held out.

I feel sorry for anyone who is in a place where he feels strange and stupid.

Being actors is a strange job.

Film is a strange thing.

The Beautiful is always strange.

A blanket could be used to lure politicians to your side of an issue. Which is your side? Easy—the side I’m not sleeping on.

A blanket could be used to ward off warts. I tested it out last Tuesday on my Aunt Velma, and she doesn’t have a wart on her body. It’s probably true that she didn’t have...

A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to smother a lover while they sleep.

A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99 I’ll show you how a common brick can transform you into an uncommon...

A blanket could be used for political transparency. After all, what’s more see-through than a brick wall?

A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole.

A brick has ten holes in two rows lining the center—perfect so that you and nine of your friends can each stick your little dicks in the brick after a few beers.

A blanket could be used as a trap to ensnare two entangled lovers. Using this method is how I found my current girlfriend and my new best guy friend.

The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.

Teamwork is me helping you build a brick wall that will come between us and forever divide us. Division through unity.

A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean.

A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm, and if a cold is what it’s named, then a blanket would transform...

A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out by building a wall between us.

A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.

I Love Jenn” jacket. Two girls, one continuous love. The I Love Jennifer is a little off-center, but then so am I. Better than being self-centered, as my clone would probably say.

To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that’s why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle.

Politics.

One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs.

Broccoli, it’s what’s for breakfast. This morning let us make love like we’re both still asleep. I’ll hit the snooze if you find the lube.

A brick could be used to soften resistance. Smash the opposition into a pulp!

A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment.

I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover.

You’re late.” I stopped, my jaw open and slack, because I knew she was right. I was late—but for what? I was late for love.

I like you, and I, like you, love me.

We ate soup in the pouring rain. I said I liked it, even though it was a bit too watery for my taste. Then we made love like two rainbows sizzling in a pan like...

I farted like a pack of crying onions. That was my response to her I love you.

I talked to him on Christmas, and again on March 5th. Neither one of us hung up the phone that whole time.

Remember what?” And that’s precisely my point—you can’t even remember what you can’t remember, and I’m here with a blanket to help. So scoot over and let me lay in your bed with you.

A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the user has to be to make it work.

My go to karaoke song is ‘Stars’ from ‘Les Mis’, which is Javert’s song. And it’s super strange, and every time it comes on people are really weirded out, but that’s what I do.

You’re special, not strange. You should be glad.

…then Bony Lizzie walked right past me, knelt by General Stanton, and cut off his thumb bones. I had to remind myself that his cries of pain were just the after-effects of his body since...

What do we call someone who talks about winning the race after leaving you amputated for life!

This maze is laid out such that should you step through the correct path, by its end you will have learned the most extraordinary dance, such that any coronation would be proud to see you...

I am the Magic Chicken of Desire. Just add water. And a brick and a blanket.

A brick could be used to decorate the interior of your anus. Here, bend over and let me demonstrate.