A blanket could be used for political transparency. After all, what’s more see-through than a brick wall?

A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole.

A brick has ten holes in two rows lining the center—perfect so that you and nine of your friends can each stick your little dicks in the brick after a few beers.

A blanket could be used as a trap to ensnare two entangled lovers. Using this method is how I found my current girlfriend and my new best guy friend.

The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.

Teamwork is me helping you build a brick wall that will come between us and forever divide us. Division through unity.

A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean.

A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm, and if a cold is what it’s named, then a blanket would transform...

A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out by building a wall between us.

A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.

I Love Jenn” jacket. Two girls, one continuous love. The I Love Jennifer is a little off-center, but then so am I. Better than being self-centered, as my clone would probably say.

To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that’s why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle.

Politics.

One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs.

Broccoli, it’s what’s for breakfast. This morning let us make love like we’re both still asleep. I’ll hit the snooze if you find the lube.

A brick could be used to soften resistance. Smash the opposition into a pulp!

A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment.

I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover.

You’re late.” I stopped, my jaw open and slack, because I knew she was right. I was late—but for what? I was late for love.

I like you, and I, like you, love me.

We ate soup in the pouring rain. I said I liked it, even though it was a bit too watery for my taste. Then we made love like two rainbows sizzling in a pan like...

I farted like a pack of crying onions. That was my response to her I love you.

I talked to him on Christmas, and again on March 5th. Neither one of us hung up the phone that whole time.

Remember what?” And that’s precisely my point—you can’t even remember what you can’t remember, and I’m here with a blanket to help. So scoot over and let me lay in your bed with you.

A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the user has to be to make it work.

My go to karaoke song is ‘Stars’ from ‘Les Mis’, which is Javert’s song. And it’s super strange, and every time it comes on people are really weirded out, but that’s what I do.

You’re special, not strange. You should be glad.

…then Bony Lizzie walked right past me, knelt by General Stanton, and cut off his thumb bones. I had to remind myself that his cries of pain were just the after-effects of his body since...

What do we call someone who talks about winning the race after leaving you amputated for life!

This maze is laid out such that should you step through the correct path, by its end you will have learned the most extraordinary dance, such that any coronation would be proud to see you...

I am the Magic Chicken of Desire. Just add water. And a brick and a blanket.

A brick could be used to decorate the interior of your anus. Here, bend over and let me demonstrate.

A brick could be used to suppress certain groups of people, particularly those individuals who are too weak to stand up and say Hey, somebody get this brick off of me—it’s crushing me!

A blanket could be used to fill the night sky with smoke, if you use it to suffocate the fire. And if you mess it up, I’ll use my hands to suffocate you.

Free sex with room.”

A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there.

Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks.

Bees are strange. Pick them up with your genitals. If you want to succeed, you need to go where no man is willing to go, like the women’s restroom.

A brick is like fruitcake. You don’t want to use it up all at once, and in fact, you don’t want to use it up at all. Well, if you won’t use it, then give...

I’ll tear down the wall between us—and tear down the walls of your life.” Then you might try offering him a cheese sandwich.

A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar.

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals.

I shit bricks, because I’m a constructive pooper.

Blankets could be used to stop exponential population growth. If we kept the people warm, maybe they wouldn’t try to heat themselves up through continual fornication.

I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half...

I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name.

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!

A blanket could be used as a water purification device. Place it between a flowing water source and your storage barrel and let the blanket filter out impurities. Then after your water is pure, drop...

Love is like a tall tree standing next to a midget. Well, it was like that, before it just walked away, leaving the midget just standing there, looking taller than normal.

A brick and a blanket need a logo, and I’m just the designer to hire to sit around idly as I ideally charge you by the hour.