Good thing you don’t own a mirror, Mr. Mirrorless, or you’d see how ugly you are. -What makes you think I don’t own a mirror? Every face that ever looks at me tells me that...

I want to invent a Laughometer, a device to measure and gauge humor, which would be used for comedians. And politicians.

People always kill Caesar. Don’t trust anyone.

Politicians, they take pleasure a-prying into a man’s affairs and I aimed to please ’em.

Nicht die Stammtischrhetorik ist es, die die Idee des Hohen Hauses blamiert, es ist vielmehr die Nichtanerkennung der Verluste, die Verachtung der Empathischen und Engagierten, die aus einem solchen Redner den legitimen Repräsentanten eines blasierten...

His presence is a remainder to local politicians and paramilitaries embroiled in local rivalries and inherited disputes that there is a bigger world out there watching them and expecting them to lift their eyes to...

Maybe what we need is surreptitious federal regulation that forces gasoline prices up for good reasons that politicians can explain.

My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and … go at them.

I often think about a life of crime. But alas, politics isn’t for me.

On average, women are better liars than men. But the best liars are men, because politicians are still predominantly men.

A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor.

More importantly, [residents] are fed up with a city that works only for the interests of the politicians, not the people.

The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or...

Think about it: If you have saved just enough to have your own house, your own car, a modicum of income to pay for food, clothes, and a few conveniences, and your everyday responsibilities start...

We are living in a world where moral climates have no atmosphere.

You sanctimonious philistines, who scoff at me!What has your politics fed onsince you’ve been ruling the world?On butchery and murder!

Modern war, modern international hostility is, I believe, possible only through the stupid illiteracy of the mass of men and the conceit and intellectual indolence of rulers and those who feed the public mind.

Politicians are people with easy answers for hard problems.

I wish somebody would combine tasers and dildos, and test the devices out on all the politicians in Washington DC. Well, all the politicians except Barney Frank, who’d actually derive pleasure from the experiment.

Politicians were mostly people who’d had too little morals and ethics to stay lawyers.

Politicians are judged by what they say and they don’t do

Politicians were famous for double-speak and were consummate liars. That’s why George W. Bush had to be their favorite president. It’s easier to commit a fraud when the actor believes his lie to the point...

Your right of religious freedom ends where my right of religious abstinence begins…

The problem with all politicians is that they are human.

Let the government not be an instructor but a parent who loves and adjusts to the needs of the nation, But remember a parent does what makes things look good to the entire family without...

The only kind of appeal that wins any instinctive response in party politics is an appeal to hostile feeling; the men who perceive the need of cooperation are powerless. Until education has been directed for...

When someone says so-and-so’s opinionated, what’s that mean? Aren’t we all opinionated? Show me one person with no opinions, and I’ll show you a bowl of Jell-O—or a politician, whichever one’s dumber.

It’s hard to hear over the racket of gunfire. Politicians want to talk about war, but the people want to talk about peace.

I had a dream my house was on fire, and I tried to rescue all the cats—and none of the politicians. You can burn my house, but don’t you dare burn my coffee.

Oh, what an attractive room!” even if you think it’s hideous.

If you put your politicians up for sale, as the US does (alone in this among industrialized democracies), then someone will buy them–and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them.

Seiner Funktion nach darf der Abgeordnete kein Zyniker sein, schließt doch Zynismus die Zustimmung zur Zerstörung ein und enthält so eine Absage an den Humanismus, dem sich das Parlament verdankt und den es immer wieder...

Peace is just an illusion created by those in power

The Bowery station on the J line is what happens to a neighborhood once politicians realize the people who live there don’t vote.

Pops added,”you know, they say if you don’t vote, you get the government you deserve.””And if you do, you never get the results you expected,” (Katherine) replied.

This is a golden moment for every president, and maybe particularly for Richard Nixon, because he had been written off as a washed-up politician, and here he is president-elect in 1968. When you are president-elect,...

Everybody has something to offer the world. Even rapists, murderers, and politicians. Well, maybe not politicians.

I hear of a convention to be held at Baltimore, or elsewhere, for the selection of a candidate for the Presidency, made up chiefly of editors, and men who are politicians by profession; but I...

A lie is the most sacred private property on Earth. Governments claim it is not theirs, and that their critics are the rightful owners.

We have all, at one time or another, been performers, and many of us still are – politicians, playboys, cardinals and kings.

It is hard to hear the truth from people who get paid to distort it.

He was half a politician, and like most of his kind he was an insecure man.

We chose younger and younger politicians to lead us because they looked good on television and were sharp. But really we should be looking for wisdom, and choosing people who had acquired it; and such...

In the present case it is a little inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible to any public...

Politicians, it’s like they’re competing to be the most incompetent. Well, guess what? They’re all winners to me. And by winners I mean losers.

Be the cheeseburger you’ve always dreamed you could be. That’s the advice I’d give to any hamburger running for political office.

Politicians study hard and work diligently their entire lives to be able to stand in front of a national audience and lie through their teeth.

Politicians are played by what they say and they don’t do

For people have four shadows; four politicians have twenty shadows or hundred or more! One person with many fake faces!

Here is an old tradition badly in need of return: You have to earn your way into politics. You should go have a life, build a string of accomplishments, then enter public service….