One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how great is it that any woman I look at has blurred features and...

A man’s bank balance is the new penis size.

I had a dream about you. I told you I wanted to start running, so you bought me some horseshoes and a saddle. Well, the saddle was more for you. I wish people would stop...

I’m not exactly sympathetic, but I do have a big heart. I have to, to be able to pump all the blood required to operate my massive penis.

I’m as thirsty as an elephant penis in the snow. I’m ready to love again.

There’s a penis in my penne pasta. It’s my penis, but that doesn’t mean it belongs there.

John [the father] kept saying, “You have a penis. That means you’re a boy.” One day, Shannon noticed that her son had been in the bathroom an awfully long time and pushed the door open....

A water fountain is a drinkable sculpture. I just drank one shaped like my father, and I can’t wait to shoot him out of my penis, so I can abandon him like he did to...

All civilized wo/men are prostitutes: Some sell what’s between their legs; the rest sell what’s between their ears.

I am one pair of roses away from the grave,” I told the midget with the twelve-inch erection. It wasn’t his—he was just holding it for a friend (that impressive penis belonged to a much...

The site of her warmed my heart, like a mitten over my penis. Can you please pass me the empty handshakes?

I belong, and my penis, it be long.

My penis smells like pasta. Also, I personally tested it out, and your spaghetti’s not too hot now, if you want to eat it.

Now he had chanced on one of he standard hard-on sessions of the shower, as on both sides of him and across the room three queens sported horizontal members which they turned around from time...

I had a dream about you. I had an erection the size of your nose, though I could breathe through mine while yours was congested. The air smelled like pee to me.

Aw, so he used you as a penis cozy and then left? Guys are pigs.

Please, allow me a moment to put my penis back where it belongs. I should never have taken it out of its plastic wrapping before you’d finished opening all your other gifts.

My heart hated her, but my penis loved her. Taken together, I felt normal.

The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.

I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a garage.

Did you hear about the lawsuit? Mary asked.”No, what?””I hear that he is so big,” she lifted her eyebrows to indicate what she meant, “that he put a girl in the hospital and she is...

All I heard was blah, blah, holding your dick later, blah, blah.” Duke rolled down his window and stuck his face into the night.

The Beautiful Poem”I go to bed in Los Angeles thinking about you.Pissing a few moments ago I looked down at my penisaffectionately.Knowing it has been inside you twice today makes mefeel beautiful.

My cat’s name is Mr. Dog, and My penis’ name is Mr. Beaver. Ah, but that’s life, no?

Let’s start a new family.